To be annoyed that no compassionate leave?

[crunchymint]

I am going to a funeral of a close friend and have to take annual leave.

If it’s a close friend then you can’t begrudge them one day of annual leave.
It’s unfair to expect your employer to pay you for the day, it’s not your employers friend.

I agree that they have to draw a line somewhere. My closest friend died at age 34 and I was absolutely devastated as, at the time, I was much closer to her than I was to most of my family but I understood why I couldn’t get CL.

That's pretty standard imo.

When my grandfather died I wasn't allowed CL even though my grandparents brought me up. So a colleague who hadn't seen their father for 30 years was allowed 2 weeks CL, but I wasn't even allowed time back for the day of the funeral and had to take AL.

I think they would be awful not to let you take annual leave but don't think they need to offer you compassionate leave. Would it kill you to use a day if 'your' leave for your friend?

A colleagues best friend died and she got compassionate leave at my workplace. Also had weeks off on the sick afterwards . I guess it depends on the workplace.

I have booked half a days annual leave. I was just taken aback that I could not get compassionate leave. I have never been off sick or had any time off for anything other than standard annual leave.

I agree it is based on old fashioned ideas. I didn't even go to my half sister's funeral so was at work. In future I will just ask for compassionate leave and have a day off.

And to those implying that I don't want to use annual leave, I said in my OP I have taken annual leave. I would not miss this funeral for anything. But I only get statutory annual leave.

I’m sorry for your loss. Isn’t this the kind of thing that annual leave is for? The only realistic alternative is for All funerals to be eligible for CL, as how’s an employer going to judge the difference between friends who are close enough for CL to be granted, and those that aren’t..... How could an employer ever reasonably say “well, I don’t think you’re close enough with your late friend, so sorry but we won’t give you CL”.

It's hard, and seems so unfair. Our guidance says partner, parent or child, but as a manager I have discretion. I recently gave CL to one of my staff for her grandfather as I knew they were exceptionally close. I've never been asked for CL for a friend, I guess I'd assess it. A while ago a colleague was murdered, and senior management authorised CL for everyone in our department who wanted to go and paid for a coach to take us there. I think having discretion is a good thing

I agree it is based on old fashioned ideas.

Not really.... There have always been families that haven’t been close, and are estranged even. For most people, even if the relationship is strained or difficult, the loss of a close family is especially hard as they’ve grown up and lived their lives with them - at least for a period.

It's normal is terms of policy on leave-but as a manager you usually also have some discretion. I e given people a days compassionate leave before for their best friends funeral or for their marriage collapsing....if they work hard and I trusted them then that's the human approach surely?

They can't let everyone have time off for funerals of friends coconuttella precisely because some people would take the piss and take half a day off every time someone they vaguely knew died (like your ex boss from twenty years ago you were fond of but didn't see since then kinda thing) or your friend's grandparent (going for support) etc. I agree it's a bit of a throwback to a time where it was a given that family bonds were the most important and friends were seen as secondary, but it's also a useful distinction to avoid an unsustainable policy of letting anyone off for any funeral.

Some workplaces would understand, not all are this firm with stuff like this. But I understand why there needs to be a rule in place. It's not about judging the strength of your bond with the deceased, companies don't care about that or they'd ask questions to make sure you were close to your brother and he wasn't an estranged from birth stranger in practice. They just need something in place and immediate family seems fine.

I'm very sorry for your loss OP.

I'm an HR manager and I deciding on the rules around compassionate leave is the most difficult thing.

My company ended up (before I joined) in stopping compassionate leave, as people abused it so much. I've since bought it back in (in a limited and discretionary way) but it's very hard.

I've had people lie about relatives dying on more than one occasion. Unfortunately some people ruin it for everyone else.

Sorry for your loss.

But yes understandable - close family means its kept to a minimum - you can really keep the numbers down. If you do it for friends, however close, it is very difficult to have criteria for it that you can with family.

If they were not allowing annual leave then yes you could complain

My friends husband got two weeks leave for twins with an international company. Another friend a teacher has had until after the Easter Break because a parent has died so a whole term. I think it depends on the company.

The old fashioned idea isn't so much that in the past people were closer to family, more that the social perception in the past was more that family are the most important and friends are secondary. I think that perception was very common and still is to an extent though it's definitely easing up now as so many people recognise that family is just the luck of the drawer and place more emphasis on close friendships instead!

Coldilox Discretion is a good thing. One of my very best friends is terminally ill and I'm a close auntie figure to his teenage son, who sees me as one of his main sources of support through all of this and knows I'm gonna be there for him for good, even when his dad sadly passes. Wild horses couldn't keep me away from being there to pay my repsects to my friend, who has become my family over many years and so has his son and wife. But I'm fine knowing I'll have to use leave. All that matters is getting it off.

I think a lot of us posting here may be fairly young and not thinking of workplaces with an older staff force where losing friends and acquaintances and colleagues and relatives becomes more common.

They can't let everyone have time off for funerals of friends coconuttella precisely because some people would take the piss and take half a day off every time someone they vaguely knew died

That’s exactly my point.

Oops sorry, when you said realistic alternative I read it as you thought it was actually a realistic alternative 😂

Another friend a teacher has had until after the Easter Break because a parent has died so a whole term.

As someone who has recently lost a parent, that does seem rather excessive, unless there were particular extenuating circumstances that you haven’t mentioned.

Lemonshark

Sorry, my bad writing...Like when people say “literally” but actually mean “figuratively”.

I know friends who have cared for terminally ill friends with no family involvement at all. Yes many still think family members are more important for everyone. I would be fine with a scheme where you can only nominate say 4 people you are close to.

Totally normal. Why is it an issue to use a day of holiday?

You could ask that about any death. Why is it an issue to use annual leave?