Table Manners

[ciele]

AIBU to think such things are important?
I was brought up to consider such stuff as no elbows on the table, not eating with your mouth open, putting knife and fork together when you have finished as non negotiable.
My OH thinks these things are just the way my family was (read that as you will but I take it to mean shallow and overly concerned with the niceties).

" Amazing that, isn't it? "

not really no..

I must say Marie i really hate that way of eating - it makes me feel all itchy inside.

My dad is a really loud chewer/lip smacker - especially after a drink and sometimes i feel so ill i have to excuse myself and take deep breaths in the hall way. Especially if i haven't been drinking.

Fast food doesn't need all those rules, and will be the norm soon enough.

Pizza, McD, whatever. Who ever knew that cutlery would be needed!

I don't understand any of MarieNostra's post.

Well I’m still teaching my dcs the same sort of things.
I don’t care if some people think it’s OTT but the reality is that seeing someone eating with their mouth open is

I’m regularly surprised by the way a lot of the dcs friends are eating or the children/teens/adults you can see in cafe and restaurant.

The thing that really winds me up tbh is when you have guest round and are for example bringing out a starter/diner a few a time.

Coming to the table to find the guests served first haven't bothered to wait and have virtually eaten their food before DH and/or I have even sat down really winds me up - especially when they then demand seconds expecting me to interrupt my meal to get it for them obviously I don't and make them wait until I've finished. I have to confess I find this incredibly rude.

I do inwardly cringe at other poor table manners but this really pisses me off.

I saw a man eating a meat pie with a teaspoon walking along the street, with his mouth open. That was all kinds of wrong.

I don't know if this is so bad, but I thought it was awful when a friend put his serviette (a cloth one) on his finished plate. The waitress then took it off his plate to take the plate away. I think he probably made a faux pas, but she should have just taken both back to the kitchen because I then had to look at this serviette/napkin that had been in his food.

Very important to me and instilled in me from a young age:

Holding cutlery correctly (not like a pen / handle inside the palm)

Mouth closed / don’t speak with mouth full as standard.

Food to face, not face to food.

No elbows.

Put your cutlery down and engage with others at the table on occasion - your food ain’t going anywhere (ditto do bolt it)

Tear, don’t cut bread or rolls and take an amount of butter to put on the side of your side plate (don’t spread and return, spread and return).

Pass food to your fellow diners when serving and don’t reach across their plates / the table to get a dish - ask for it to be passed to you.

Ask to leave the table but only when everyone’s finished (and don’t start until all are served unless told to by hosts / fellow diners).

It was / is so second nature in my family that this all takes place around fun / chats / food serving etc.

Marie I doubt that we will ever only eat fast food r h.
For one, it’s nutritionally so crap it would make us all ill quite quickly.
And taste wise, people would soon be looking for something that has taste.

But of course, it wouod solve issue of how do you hold your fork and knife. Just to be replaced by other rules of how to eat properly.
Let’s say, still no elbows on the table, no runny sauce down your shirt etc....

Another one here who was brought up with Victorian table manners!

It amazes me when you see 20 somethings in restaurants who hold a knife just to "stab" at their food then proceed to eat with a fork which they use almost as a scoop.

Elbows on tables are maybe a bit OTT these days but I'd always go with that rule in a posh restaurant or at an ambassador's dinner..... :)

Sparklingbrook.

In the US they just use a fork. Look it up on you tube, it is what they do. They cut up their meal and impale it with a fork afterwards. The knife is redundant.

Eating with your mouth open is revolting teaching a child bit to do the same is a basic life skill.

The problem I have with elbows on the table is when a person rests the elbow of the hand holding their fork (or spoon) on the table as they lift the food to their mouth. They usually can’t reach their mouth, or turn the cutlery quite far enough to put it in straight, which leads to them lowering and slightly turning their head to take the food into their mouth. I was always taught to bring the food up to my mouth, not mouth down to the food. When my kids do it, I notice it leads to a lot more mess, food dropping off cutlery onto the plate/table/down their front etc. Having elbows on the table just gives them less control. I just don’t enjoy watching heads constantly bobbing down to the plate and twisting to grab the food into their mouths (including when DH does it!). But that might of course be because I’ve been taught it’s bad manners. Either way, that is the reason why I ask them (the kids at least!) not to put their elbows on the table while eating.

These are basic life skills your OH is being unreasonalble and is obviously lacking manners of his own!

Licking the knife. Wouldn't have dared.

Seeing this makes me feel physically ill, but I think it (and a 'belief' in other table manners) comes from them being instilled in me from a young age.

It’s important to teach DC these things, yes.

But it’s not something that’s necessary for every meal. I myself am barely able to see my cup of coffee in the morning, I don’t care what people around me are doing...

I think I was told from a very young age about the knife licking too.

However my father now licks yoghurt pot lids. Which I find revolting. Bleurgh.

Eating with your mouth closed so others don’t have to see what you’re chewing is basic good manners.
Doesn’t everybody put their knife and fork together at the end of their meal?

My parents have always been very hot on table manners. No elbows on table, knife and fork together, no talking with your mouth full, you stay at the table til everyone has finished eating and you don’t start until everyone has sat down. Will definitely be teaching my own children these things - I honestly find it astonishing how few adults know how to properly lay a basic table (or even hold cutlery properly!)

I think they’re important . We didn’t use cutlery growing up. You just scooped handfuls out a communal dish and ate with your hand. WhIch was fine at home and with family. I tought myself ‘normal’ manners when I started school by watching the teacher sat at the end of the table. I’ve been really conscious about using cutlery properly, placing the knife and fork at 6 o’clock on the plate when finished and sitting nicely, ever since. I think good manners help when you eat in public, at anything posh or formal and are nice to see. In different cultures there are different ideas as to what constitutes good manners but in the UK I think it’s good to go by the ones that are accepted here as good manners generally.

I'm not fussed about elbows on table, don't use napkins at home and don't make children ask to leave the table (I don't ask to leave the table elsewhere it seems a thing we ask only of children.)

All these things my parents made me do.

I'm really hot on not eating with mouths open, please, thankyou, eating nicely, holding cutlery etc. Though.

I can't believe you reproduced with your OH if he eats with his mouth open.

I didn't have a second date with someone because of the way he ate a chicken on our first date Still makes me queasy remembering it.

Had a boss who ate with his mouth open. Whole office spoke about how disgusting he was behind his back.

I can't believe people don't put their knives and forks together after they have finished.

This has genuinely shocked me when going out with work colleagues - I then end up thinking I don't know them at all!

I think it’s a recent (lazy/passive-aggressive?) thing

That makes it worse, if you think he's doing it to wind you up? Eating with his mouth open to disgust you?

Lyingwitch, I'm still not sure I'm with uou on that one, sorry, I think it's probably more the rude to slouch and it blocks out other diners if you've elbows on thr table. But yes I'm sure others have that issue..