Table Manners

[ciele]

AIBU to think such things are important?
I was brought up to consider such stuff as no elbows on the table, not eating with your mouth open, putting knife and fork together when you have finished as non negotiable.
My OH thinks these things are just the way my family was (read that as you will but I take it to mean shallow and overly concerned with the niceties).

Thinking about it I only have 2 rules.

Use your cutlery. Properly. That means knife and fork, cut things up, no picking up with your fingers and shoving it in (yes you, DS2!).

When you are finished take your plate to the kitchen, scrape any leftovers in the bin and put the plate and cutlery in the dishwasher.

That’ll do for me.

You can always see who has correct table manners and who doesn't. My parents were strict and although it's not necessary on a day to day basis I have to say it's saved embarrassment on many more formal occasions. It's really awkward to see someone lick their knife at an Ambassadors dinner party. But even occasionally just in a restaurant it really isn't great to see someone finish and leave their knife and fork all over the place. It's an indication to waiting staff that you've finished to do it properly. So I would say that children should learn formal table manners early. They can then decide when is appropriate to use them and when is not.

I think table manners are important.
I'm not a slave to old fashioned ways ( take a look at my Ironing thread)
but the thing is, table manners don't require any hard work.
They are a social thing that helps create a pleasant atmosphere for everyone.
There is nothing worse than a noisy eater.

Doing that thing Sparkling said when you put a spoon of food to your mouth and only take some off (worse when people put a full spoon of something like ice cream or yogurt fully in their mouth and kind of slide it out with food still on the spoon and teeth/lip marks shock

Bleurgh. That really is horrible.

First date was 32 years ago, at uni and I don’t recall him being a slob. I think it’s a recent (lazy/passive-aggressive?) thing.
I was brought up in an old fashioned household so remember thinking shovelling looked pretty cool 😂

I agree certain things aren’t as important as they used to be.

But watching how DH holds a spoon still gives me the rage after 18 years together. I just encourage him not to order the soup in restaurants, lol.

I think its a case of worth knowing so you are going to feel comfortable wherever. What standards you then apply are up to you. But if you don't know these things it puts you at a disadvantage if you move up in life e.g. jobs wise etc

I agree with the OP. The other thing that really gets my goat is people who start eating before everyone has their food and/or the host hasn't sat down.

Elbows on table is fine.

Mouth open is not.

Putting your cutlery together is just weird although my grandparents do this in restaurants and I did pick up the habit. Not sure why you would do it at home though, surely you just ask if that person has finished or you let them take their plate out. I can see it would be good as a au to signal to waiters that you are done.

I have a very vivid memory of my dad drilling me in how to hold a knife and fork correctly. I was 3.

Well of course they wouldn't, bluntness but maybe it's clothing on the table that is the issue. You wash your hands before eating but if you put your elbows on the table then your outside clothes are resting where the food is.

It may be that other women (mothers) have had the same problem that I now do with elbows on the table and it's become a general rule.

Who knows? Mouth closed is an absolute must.

Elbows on the table because it's comfortable.

My folks were same as OP's, very hot on table manners - no elbows, no holding knife like a pencil, no eating with mouth open, etc. It could be a pain at the time, but I do appreciate it now.

We've had the odd friend/acquaintance with appalling table manners. With one in particular, we would surreptitiously fight NOt to sit opposite him, because of endless talking with his mouth very obviously full, and making pig noises.

Like it or not, a number of people will judge others on poor table manners, even if they are well mannered enough to make no sign at the time.

I have always presumed that the DC needed to know every detail of good table etiquette, even if we do not practise such at home, as it is a given in this house that they will be hosting the ambassador's dinners, not simply attending

Yes elbows on the table is a bit Victorian now. It is such a natural thing to do IMO.

Other than that, unless you chow down with your choppers in view, it's ok.

We do nice table manners. We have same table manners expected at home as we would in a restaurant pretty much. Elbows on table fine though.

However sadly both teen DDs have motor skills problems so DD1 sticks elbows out and DD2 holds cutlery in various weird ways.

(My pet hate is picky child visitors who don't even try stuff.)

yes it's important. Elbows on tables I cant get that upset about though.

I did insist on proper eating, eg mouth shut, not scraping your teeth on the spoon/fork, putting fork in right hand and putting knife down if you want to turn your fork upside down...put knife and fork together when u have finished etc

Also the correct use of a soup spoon.

whoever said it's 'unimportant' and 'victorian' is really not doing their kid any favours.

Table manners are not so much a stand alone issue, as just a part of manners generally. I expect dd to be polite at all times and while eating is included in that. I would no more expect her to eat with her mouth open and wave cutlery around than I would have her forget to say 'please' or 'thank you'. If it is Victorian, then fine. As far as I'm concerned, it means she can go anywhere and be neither embarrassed nor conspicuous.

I never wash my hands before eating. I don't know another adult that does. I only get the kids to because they spend their time crawling about the floor.

My 5.5 year old cannot/will not use cutlery at all. We struggle to teach him because he doesn't eat anything which requires cutlery.

There are two lip smackers/open mouth eaters at work. One even grunts as she chews.

I wish their parents had been hotter on table manners, as the noise has a physical effect on me, but to say something would be me being rude.

Dull,

So many rules there!

But in the US a knife is irrelevant except for cutting up the food. After that it is just a fork. Amazing that, isn't it?

Waiting for everyone to finish Before leaving the table would drive me mad as dcs always finish first and pils about half an hour later as they are very slow eaters.

Don’t know if it’s been mentioned yet, but the one table manners thing I see most going out the window these days is actually staying at the table in the first place!

I enforce it at ours, including any visiting kids. You sit, you eat, you wait for others to finish (or ask to be excused). You do not jump up and down, race around, climb onto or under the table. You don’t carry food in hands around. You contain yourself, your food and crockery/cutlery.

I’m with the others who say it’s important life skills, it trains you from early on in life to take other people into account and remember that what you feel like doing isn’t the only thing to consider. Who else is supposed to get that message across to kids, if not parents?

I always wash my hands before eating, I always have done. Even in a restaurant/pub I will go and wash my hands first. The DC do too, it's just habit from when they had permanently grubby hands I think.

I do realise the world wouldn't end if I didn't once in a while though.