Table Manners

[ciele]

AIBU to think such things are important?
I was brought up to consider such stuff as no elbows on the table, not eating with your mouth open, putting knife and fork together when you have finished as non negotiable.
My OH thinks these things are just the way my family was (read that as you will but I take it to mean shallow and overly concerned with the niceties).

I hate yogurt lid licking. And furious spoon scraping of the pot and then running their finger round the empty pot and licking the residue off. I just want to shout 'Accept your yogurt is over!'

I went to lunch with a friend and he actually drank the pot of ketchup then ran his finger round the inside and licked it all clean. I felt faint and had to excuse myself. In fact i've just had to pour myself some wine after remembering it.

One odd table manners thing I've noticed, in a non-represeantive sample of my workplace in Australia is to put the hand in front of the mouth when eating and then talk through the food and the hand. Utterly rank. Why don't they just finish their mouthful and then say something? Also, it is only women who do this. Bizarre and revolting.

Sorry to derail, I just had to get this off my chest. < Back to work after the summer hols soon, and anticipating this bleeurghhh aspect>

Can't believe people are saying they wouldn't date someone who can't use cutlery correctly. I'm dyspraxic and physically cannot use cutlery without difficulty, even after years of having specially adapted moulded cutlery. I use it as I'm able to but not in the correct hands and if it's meat etc there is a bit of elbow flying.. that in itself does not make undateable surely. Should I prewarn anyone eating with me that I'm not trying to be rude, and have a neurological developmental disorder?

I think it is important to teach children all of those things and not Victorian at all. If people choose not to do than at their own table that's fine but best not to send them out into the world not knowing what constitutes good and bad manners.

I think it is still relevant to have good table manners,would hate my Grandchildren to be invited to eat at a friends house and them think she had no manners.So yes table manners are important.

Of course good table manners are important. If find the lack really offputting.

I don't ask to leave the table elsewhere it seems a thing we ask only of children.

But the question would never arise for an adult because an adult surely wouldn't get up and walk away from the table while his/her companion is still eating?

I always wash my hands before preparing food if at home, or before eating if out at a restaurant.

Elbows? I don't see the point. It never makes me feel bad to see people do it, so to me it's not a thing.

But open mouths... I really really can't take the sound of mastication! The sight of it isn't great, but the sound is stomach churning.

Op , you should show this thread to your husband. Because manners are just about stopping people feeling uncomfortable or too revolted to eat he can't be to adverse to that surely?

Being able to eat in polite company without embarrassing yourself is a good skill to have, we're not strict at home but will expect table manners in public, I have to admit DH and I do get a bit judgey about people without them.

Ab12 good tablemanners mean I wouldn’t ever react to such a scenario 😉

Good table manners/manners instill confidence. Who wants to attend a function and feel uncomfortable? It's a parent's responsibility to prepare dc for all life's occasions.

This is normal . How do you expect your kids to function in professional environments if you don’t instill the basics ?

My DH starts his food the moment it's in front of him. He wont wait. He also bolts his food so sometimes if he gets his plate brought thru first and i faff a bit getting forgotten cutlery/drinks etc he has virtually finished by the time i start. He also would never sit while other people finish if he already has. He has ants in his pants and appears to find boredom actually painful.

Knife and fork together is important if you eat out, it shows the waiting staff that you have finished eating leaving them spread eagle on your plate makes it looks as if you're just having a pause.

I wash my hands before preparing food. But not eating.

I think it's a life skill like driving a car. I will teach my children how to function at all sorts of levels in order to adapt to their surrounds. Having good manners is a key skill IMO

^^This. With bells on.

And the thing about elbows is that it makes you slouch. So a) looks awful and b) not good for the digestion

I had a colleague who talks with her mouth full. Turns my stomach.

Could elbows be for serving?

Why does he get his first, MrsK? I think your husband's rude to do that and how on earth can you get your kids to learn nice manners when their dad is like this and won't even wait for you to sit down before he starts eating?

I read somewhere that the elbows issue is a hangover from victorian times when pedestal tables became much more popular. If you rest elbows on the table there's a possibility you may tip the table.
as I don't have a pedestal table I couldn't care less about elbows.

MrsKoala yuk! I'll have to have a little whisky now that you've told me that. It is for medicinal purposes. Luckily I had one on my bedside table. It is in case I have a coughing fit during the night!

Manners. OP I was brought up the same. I brought my children up but did a better job with the first two. DS has been going to the Mayfair, Hilton, Savoy etc with his job so I'm glad he knows how to behave. DH licked his knife when we were out tonight. DS mentioned it.
If ever there was a time I could slap a man that is it. He knows it annoys me but still does it. I just see red but look the other way now because I don't rise to it. Just carry on your children may be glad of it one day.

I think the importance of table manners is somewhat overemphasised, to be frank. If you compare our strange rules and regs with those of other cultures, it starts to look fussy and joyless.

I watched a cookery programme a few years ago where a Bangladeshi woman made the most amazing curry type dish, and the whole family shovelled it in using flatbreads as their utensils. It looked glorious.

Good table manners don't take any more effort or equipment than bad ones. So you might as well learn to do things properly, which will take you comfortably through all types of future social/dining situations

This ^
There are so many situations through life where other people's impressions of you matter - social and work. Why wouldn't you want to give your dc every advantage you can when it doesn't cost you any time, money or effort ?

In a previous job, I heard a strange noise it was a grunting sound like a pig followed by rasping noise. Whats that I said? and it was a woman eating an apple!!. I wouldnt have thought it was possible for an adult to make a noise like that.Fair enough at a farm with loads of sows and piglets.
I also dont like any scraping of cutlery on a plate or bowl and think people should be able to eat without making clanking noises.I couldnt sit there whilst someone scraped the dregs of the yoghurt from a pot. I would have to leave the table out of disgust.

it starts to look fussy and joyless.

But if you've always done it, it's normal.

And eating traditional 'British' food tends to require a knife and fork

He doesn't anymore Lying. I now make sure he gets his last as otherwise i am eating alone. DH finds it very hard to have food in front of him and not eat it. He has a pathological fear of hunger. It's really bizarre. He also eats in a bubble and doesn't help the kids or notice what's going on when he has food. So i will be helping 3 kids and he'll just be obliviously tucking in. If i say can you help, he huffs, does one spoonful then goes back to his own food and the baby will be left squawking for food while he doesn't notice. It's why i hate eating out as i often start eating my cold food when everyone else has finished and now the kids are acting up and i end up leaving it because we are bothering the other diners and need to make a quick exit.

Don't get me started about how he used to eat food off my plate when he had finished his.

The kids don't really eat with us much tho so they rarely see our table manners.