Table Manners

[ciele]

AIBU to think such things are important?
I was brought up to consider such stuff as no elbows on the table, not eating with your mouth open, putting knife and fork together when you have finished as non negotiable.
My OH thinks these things are just the way my family was (read that as you will but I take it to mean shallow and overly concerned with the niceties).

I think table manners are really important. Re elbows on the table, I think it is OK to do this when not actually eating, but elbows on the table with knife and fork in hand not only looks lazy and slobbish, but is downright difficult to manage!

I cannot bear it when people don't put their knife and fork down between mouthfuls of food, and wave them in the air.

I cannot bear the fact that so many children don't seem to be able to use cutlery, and shovel everything into their mouth with fingers. Ugh!!

People who hold their knife like a pencil are just making things more difficult for themselves as you cannot get the right amount of pressure on whatever you are trying to cut unless you hold the knife in the correct position with the index finger on top of the blade.

Happy to accept that I'm ancient and perhaps set in my ways but one of DS's friends, who ate with us frequently and came on holiday too, picked up impeccable table manners very quickly. It was just that this child didn't often eat around a table at home, so had not been taught. Manners are catching. And it is one of those life skills that most of us are grateful to master early. Poor table manners tend to put people off sub-consciously.

I cannot bear the fact that so many children don't seem to be able to use cutlery, and shovel everything into their mouth with fingers. Ugh!!

I agree, and it's setting the DC up to fail. Unfortunately people who don't see it as important or think it's Victorian don't care and their DC should be able to do what they want and not be judged. Fine, their kids their choice.

They will get judged when they least expect it in many random contexts and it will put them at a disadvantage compared to people with good manner. The older I get the more I see the significance.

Not least of all, using a knife and fork properly means you can eat at a slower pace and it helps digestion.

I read an article at the weekend about how eating too quickly is strongly linked with weight gain and various health problems, so there's science behind it, as well as it looking nicer.

waits for people piling in to say.. but putting elbows on the table isn't going to help digestion no, but having good posture, sitting up straight etc all links back to eating properly. Anyway off my soapbox because I know it isn't fashionable to be " Victorian".

Manners are catching.

Amen to that! It was observing how "Europeans" eat (knife always in right hand, fork always in left) when I moved over here from the US that motivated me to change the way I eat, because I didn't want to stick out as an uncouth American.

How can anyone think it's OK to eat with your mouth open???

It is important. I have ajob which involves lots of lunches and dinners internally and externally. I am glad my parents drilled into me good table manners (and we do the same with our DD). It really shows when someone is sitting opposite you talking with their mouth full/eating with their mouth open etc etc.

To add it pisses me off children aren't pulled up for eating American style (fork in their right hand). urggghhhh

While I have adapted my own style of eating to the "European" style, as I said above, because I know people will judge me on it (if not "pull me up" on it), I really don't understand why it matters. DH insists it's "bad manners" to eat with a fork in my right hand but can't tell me why.

table manners are important - although as a parent of a dyspraxic who resorts to fingers often I feel as if I am repeating myself over and over and over again!

How can anyone think it's OK to eat with your mouth open???

The foundations of good manners is consideration towards other people. I don't know why, either, it's like watching a cement mixer. Revolting.

I hold my fork in my right hand wtf is wrong with that?

Koala, there's nothing wrong with it. It's just wrong?

Do you hold a knife at the same time? That's not as bad as just holding your fork.

I’m left handed. It isn’t wrong.

Sorry, koala that question mark was meant to be a winky face!

I often don't notice how other people eat. But I do love my food. Maybe I'm just concentrating on myself and my meal rather than judging all those around me.

Koala, there's nothing wrong with it. It's just wrong?

No, it's not, it is considered poor manners by some people, it is of course considered good manners by others. This is the main difficulty with manners, they are only culturally defined. Bringing up children to have a very strict set of what is appropriate at a dinner table (or any other sort of manners) will make it extremely hard for them if they find themselves in a cultural situation where the manners are different.

The important thing is showing respect, and part of showing respect is accepting that others have a different idea on manners to you.

With "manners" even considered different regionally and via class within the UK it's important to remember that, even before we get to international differences.

Teach respect, not rules.

I think that if you are left handed it is perfectly fine to use your knife in your left hand and your fork in your right hand. Personally I would still prefer to see the cutlery being held properly: handles concealed in palm of the hand, prongs of fork facing down. I don’t see why a left handed person can’t use their left hand for the knife. It’s their strongest hand. You also get much more strength cutting with the knife held properly (i.e. not like a pen).
That all applies to UK, of course other countries have other conventions.

My table manners are fine and I like that, but I don't think I'd ever pick other people up on anything other than smoking at the table.

I might look down if someone was talking with a full mouth, but that's about it.

Has anyone even mentioned yet showing dc the correct way to eat soup?

The tables is setwith fork(s) on the left and knives on the right. Hence to cutlery to your right or left is not correct

Correction: incorrect

Manners to not make people feel disgusted and put off their food by loud chomping, speaking with mouthful etc I agree with. Elbows on table if getting in peoples way and obstructing other diners, yes. Starting your food and bolting it down before others are seated so they end up eating alone, definitely. Taking all the food so others are left hungry, totally.

However, i cannot see how my eating left handed would have any bering on my fellow diners and eating in an uncomfortable and difficult way for me just because someone has happened to put my fork on the other side would be ridiculous. Therefore this to me is where manners cease to be about the comfort and happiness of others and start to fall under the heading of arbitrary hierarchical horse shit and gets ignored.

I have eaten at many officers and ambassadors dinners and have seen plenty of other lefties too. (Not political lefties of course - that would be a step too far - just us devils spawn lefties)

If you are left handed then surely it is fine to just swap the cutlery over if the table has been set for right handed people? So you will put your knife on your left and your form on your right, and eat with them in the corresponding hands.

My BIL was the only left hander in our immediate family. He did this and nobody batted an eyelid. Why on earth should it be considered wrong or offensive? Unless we are back in the dark ages when schools used to try and force left handed children to use pens, pencils (and maybe also other things) in their right hands.

I wonder if there is a connection with the many adults in the UK who have various issues with eating and food and whether they were subjected to a regime of petty rules as a child? Rather than getting children to enjoy and respect food, there seems to be more effort in making sure they won't make a faux pas at the mythical ambassadorial receptions they will be constantly attending as an adult.

Eating noisily or slurping is not disgusting, and is expected in some cultures, yet many seem to think it is; to label eating food as disgusting is to put it on par with shiting, no wonder eating disorders exist.