Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very annoyed about this?

279 replies

Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 12:27

I have a WhatsApp group with 6 of my closest friends who I’ve known since school. One of them posted on it this morning saying

“my name looks a state in her Facebook photos from last night. Why does she feel the need to wear such hideous clothes all the time”.

It was obviously meant to be sent to someone else from the group, and not the whole group. My name is very unusual so she was definitely talking about me, and I also posted some new photos on FB last night.
I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

We have been friends for 20 years and I thought we would have grown out of being bitchy by now. I feel really crap knowing one of my best friends has been making fun of me

OP posts:
Tink2007 · 15/01/2018 10:52

Such horrible behaviour :( Sadly some people just never really grow up.

Beezley · 15/01/2018 17:49

Bloody Facebook and the like are just rifewith insults and bullying. It doesn't matter what you dress or look like a friend is meant to be a friend whatever.

StormTreader · 15/01/2018 17:54

I ditched a group of new "friends" who I really thought I'd clicked with when I found out two of them were passing comments on how awful I looked in my Facebook photos - life is too stressful already to second-guess posting photos and status updates.
The two "likes" of her status tells you at least two of the people you can also bin immediately.

saladdays66 · 15/01/2018 17:55

my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking

Backpedalling and gaslighting. She's no friend. I like your reply, OP.

1stX · 15/01/2018 18:00

dont make a song an dance about it?!!

She can fuck right off making you out to be the one with the problem if you get upset. She sounds like a bully. You’re better off without friends like that

Tapandgo · 15/01/2018 18:01

Well done purple - this woman is clearly a nasty piece of work who feels superior by trampling on the confidence of others. If the rest can’t stand up to her - bin them.

Therecanbeonly1 · 15/01/2018 18:02

Total bitch! I would have it out with her. Is she so chic and fashionable herself? I really hope your other friends back you up.

SockUnicorn · 15/01/2018 18:03

@Purplerain101I would potentially message the other girl she was bitching with. If anything just to drop her in shit. "X said you often bitch about me and what i wear, just wanted to let you know how disappointed i am". Would make her think twice before involving herself in bitching with X again and show she cant trust X as she just got thrown under the bus

jayne1976 · 15/01/2018 18:07

Oh my word! So who was it meant for - obviously they join in this bitching, otherwise she wouldn’t be comfortable sending such a comment?
Then to turn it on it’s head and make it seem like you’ve got the problem is shocking - really feel for you?
Not sure what I would do as it will obviously cause group issues, but you can’t take it lying down - you have to reply and as if she thinks it’s acceptable to write such things about a ‘friend’ - sadly she’s clearly not and needs to grow up

browneyes77 · 15/01/2018 18:18

Back-pedalling and gaslighting. She's no friend. I like your reply, OP.

^^ THIS.

What a horrible, immature bitch.

She got caught out and is now trying to turn it back round on you for damage limitation. If she didn’t think she’d done anything wrong, she wouldn’t have bothered to come round to see you. So she knows full well how badly she’s behaved. She just doesn’t want to admit she’s been a bitch as that would dent her status. So instead she’s desperately trying to minimise what’s happened by making you out to be over sensitive and trying to say she was ‘joking’

If that’s her idea of a joke, tell her not to give up her day job, because she’s a shit comedian.

Marmite17 · 15/01/2018 18:19

Sounds like a spiteful bitch. Similar has happened to me; perp was also eventually bitchy to others and ended up being ignored when sniping. But I am a bit older.
Hope your other friends come to their senses and she is left alone.

KateGrey · 15/01/2018 18:20

Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?! They don’t sound great. Fashion is a personal choice. Who cares how you dress? What matters is the person you are. Odious little trolls. Honestly I cannot understand why when life is so tough that women at like this with each other.

Marmite17 · 15/01/2018 18:21

Some people are just toxic

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 15/01/2018 18:25

She's a nasty piece of work Purple, if she comes knocking again, tell her to shove her appology where the sun don't shine !
You are worth 10 of her, better you've found her out sooner, rather than later. At least you know now, that you have one true friend out of that group. 🌸🌸🌸🍷🍷

purplebunny2012 · 15/01/2018 18:27

What a bitch!

Maireadplastic · 15/01/2018 18:35

I think the 'don't make song and dance' is much worse than the slagging.

NWQM · 15/01/2018 18:43

You have every right to be very annoyed. Its so spiteful. At the risk of being out of step though there must have been something between you all to keep you together as friends for 20 years. If it's been a rocky road then yes, walk away. If though there has been support and fun in the past then you might want to re think. She did come round. She didn't handle it well. She did though make an effort. You know her. If it's the last straw then yes it was nasty and you don't need her in your life. You might want to give the others a chance though. What would you 'lose' if you walk away? Do you rely on each other for more than banter? You don't have to put up with bullying of any kind for anything but is it just a couple of comments in 20 years. She'd have gone way down in my estimation but losing a whole group of friends you have had since childhood may be worth a rethink when you have calmed down....they do all owe you a large glass of your favourite wine though!

honeyroar · 15/01/2018 18:48

Her reactions since the original post and the lack of response from most of the others tell you all you need to know about the friendships. It's a pretty harsh, hurtful way to find out, but in the long run it's best to know and spend your time on real friends.

MissesBloom · 15/01/2018 18:49

No friend would ever do something like that. It's calculated, she's typed that out and sent it... She initiated it.

She's also done you a favour, you now know what a pack of bitches they are and you're better off without.

Don't let her in your home or answer her calls, she's laid the blame at your door rather than owning up and apologising. They're all vile for remaining friends with such a woman (except the friend who sided with you). If you were my friend I'd have called her out and the rest of them too, I wouldn't want to be part of such a group

Anyway hope you're feeling better and aren't too hurt by this. You deserve better

BlueLegume · 15/01/2018 19:01

Well done OP. Cut her out and don’t rise to her unpleasant comments about your reaction. She is clearly trying to defend her own error in both her manners and her poor ability in using technology and make it your fault. I call people like this my “Daily Mail friends”. They befriend you, pretend to like you and build you up, then something happens and they bring you right back down. Toxic individuals who aren’t worth it. Usually the types who think being in a clique of a group makes them cool but don’t like new people. You are well shot of her.

Henrysmycat · 15/01/2018 19:02

We are 4 close friend from junior school. We are in our early 40’s. We are godmothers to each other’s kids, maid of honours etc. We did it in turns. We love each other like sisters. One of them is a complete and utter mess of a dresser. Once we were out and she sitting on low window shop on a busy street while I went to post a letter. People were giving her money as they thought she was homeless begging. She has no style or idea what to do with clothes. We buy her stuff as she has a beautiful dancer’s body (she was a dancer in her 20’s) but she can’t dress.
You know what? I love her just the same, if anything we we very protective of her if someone says anything about her clothes. We are protective of each other and honest. Like making sure she wore exactly what was meant for her during weddings and graduations. We all have our issues or quirks. Hers is clothes. We love her anyway. Clothes don’t make her, she’s a decent person that would give up her life for us. And that’s what count.
Get rid of them. You need to make space for decent people.

Whisky2014 · 15/01/2018 19:04

I'd be taking a screenshot of that message and posting it to group chat and just say you feel hurt.

Monny1 · 15/01/2018 19:15

Well done purple, you sound a lovely friend.

Motoko · 15/01/2018 19:23

It's rather ironic that she's told OP not to make a song and dance about it, when she's the one who has also posted on FB and gone round to OP's house to have a rant.

Xenadog · 15/01/2018 19:30

As others have said, stay out of it. Now you’ve left the group they will have to find someone else to talk about.

The thing is, if you downplayed it and carried on as normal you’d forever be wondering who was talking about you and what people really think of your dress sense and other stuff. For your own peace of mind back off and if any of the other women seek you out and support you, you know you have a friend. If not, then you know you need to make new friends.

It’s not a great situation but better to know who your friends are.

Good luck, OP.