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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very annoyed about this?

279 replies

Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 12:27

I have a WhatsApp group with 6 of my closest friends who I’ve known since school. One of them posted on it this morning saying

“my name looks a state in her Facebook photos from last night. Why does she feel the need to wear such hideous clothes all the time”.

It was obviously meant to be sent to someone else from the group, and not the whole group. My name is very unusual so she was definitely talking about me, and I also posted some new photos on FB last night.
I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

We have been friends for 20 years and I thought we would have grown out of being bitchy by now. I feel really crap knowing one of my best friends has been making fun of me

OP posts:
ItsNachoCheese · 14/01/2018 21:19

Hope you are okay op nobody deserves how your "friend" has treated you

Fishface77 · 14/01/2018 21:19

Yanbu op.
But you missed a treat.
You should have said “after all the times I’ve had your back when others have slagged you of! I’m shocked and saddened.”
Left it at that and refuse to engage when she asked who else had said what.
Mind games.
It would have made her properly paranoid.

HolyShet · 14/01/2018 21:20

aaaaand bingbangbong proves the point on MN loving the vicarious drama

Tour · 14/01/2018 21:22

Wow they are a pair of bitches. Still at least you know now. Hope your other friends pull through for you.

beansbananas · 14/01/2018 21:23

Can't believe your 'friend' had the nerve to try to get away with calling it banter. Banter is a joke with someone... she never intended to op to see the message, just wanted to make her the butt of the joke with the other friends. That's called bitching. She sounds vile and sadly your other friends have obviously been involved in such 'banter' before, so are no better. Can't believe they didn't try to salvage the situation at all. I'm sure we've all passed comment on someone's ill chosen outfit before, but in this situation her words were extremely malicious and coming from such a close friend makes it particularly spiteful. She should be ashamed of herself. I'm sorry you have had to suffer such bitchiness and you should most definitely not forgive and forget this.

Maelstrop · 14/01/2018 21:24

It’s bad enough that she’s slagged you off, completely outrageous that she’s told you how to feel about it! Horrible bitch!

Trouble is, it’s a group of old friends: are you going to lose the group because of her being sloppy and accidentally sending the message? I don’t have enough friends to merrily lose a whole group, so I’d find it a massive dilemma. She’s put you in an untenable situation and is no doubt now having a charming bitching session about what a snowflake you are. Cow.

CandleWithHair · 14/01/2018 21:30

@Maelstrop

Good point, in this situation no one will relish the idea of being cut loose from a lifelong friend group. But, to lose a whole group of friends who automatically side with that woman, without any sort of apology or gesture of solidarity with OP - sad as it is I’d say OP ‘lost’ these friends years ago.

I’m wondering, is Cunty ‘just a joke’ McCuntbag the alpha of your friend group OP?

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 14/01/2018 21:30

Seems like not all your childhood friends grew up op. You can now concentrate on your real friends and more shopping for your fabulous clothes -
Good for you for calling them all out on their behaviour.

Thisisit777 · 14/01/2018 21:34

Well - you at least know she's no real friend.

A frenemy I call them actually :(

bringbacksideburns · 14/01/2018 21:41

Aw OP. That is shitty.

But I wouldn't enter into all this online group convos, statements on FB etc it's juvenile.

It was maybe better that you met face to face to see how unpleasant she really is.

I'd leave it for now - make sure you don't get pinged into any groups to 'discuss further.'

And I really wouldn't want to go out with her and the one she was messaging ever again. If you have to bump into them be cool and have the upper hand. If she dares comment something like ' Oh your not still going on about that are you?" Just shrug and walk away.

bringbacksideburns · 14/01/2018 21:42

Aw OP. That is shitty.

But I wouldn't enter into all this online group convos, statements on FB etc it's juvenile.

It was maybe better that you met face to face to see how unpleasant she really is.

I'd leave it for now - make sure you don't get pinged into any groups to 'discuss further.'

And I really wouldn't want to go out with her and the one she was messaging ever again. If you have to bump into them be cool and have the upper hand. If she dares comment something like ' Oh your not still going on about that are you?" Just shrug and walk away.

FoggyDew17 · 14/01/2018 22:41

Holy shet, have to hand it to you,your reply to me wasn't what I anticipated it would be. I appreciate your reply and you taking the time to look at my points on said convo. Can't beat appreciative debate👍we all have opinions and when we acknowledge each others it says alot

FoggyDew17 · 14/01/2018 22:42

I'd agree wholeheartedly with the above reply from bring back sideburns. Avoid group convo or outing/shaming posts on social media for time being. Sit back and watch the lay of the land for the moment. Take the higher road and the rest wallow in their sad pathetic way of going on

DreamyMcDreamy · 14/01/2018 23:08

I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

Was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say it may have been meant for someone else (NOT that that would have made any difference as to how horrible she had been!)
Only joking? Shock She's no friend. That's not a joke. She was intending to laugh at you behind your back.
She's a bitch and you need to bin her, and I never usually say that about anyone.

DreamyMcDreamy · 14/01/2018 23:17

She was really arsey with me and said how disappointed she was that i’d blocked her and I need to stop being so sensitive about things as it was clearly meant as a joke. She admitted that she’d meant to send it to one of the other girls and they sometimes have a giggle together about what I wear. She eventually apologised for hurting my feelings and said it was just banter.

Just seen your update.So some of them have got form for meeting and laughing at you when you're not there?
Oh wow, they're not friends.
Not only are they not friends she's fucking STUPID to do it all in writing and copy you into it.
As if it's just banter, you're over-reacting. You're not, that'd hurt.
She's nasty, and the way she's trying to deflect it onto you now by making out you're the snowflake speaks volumes.

Greensleeves · 14/01/2018 23:35

Sorry this has happened to you, how hurtful Flowers

I would block the ones who liked that bitchy little FB post as well. Life is too short to have "friends" who show no loyalty or respect. You deserve better.

Cheekyandfreaky · 14/01/2018 23:47

What a spiteful thing to do- both the act and the background to it. I think you’ve handled things well so far. Sometimes we outgrow friendships, and tbh this one doesn’t sound like one to mourn.

festivedinosaur · 15/01/2018 09:42

I'm fuming on your behalf.

Know exactly how this feels as similar happened to me shortly after I turned 30.

Haven't spoken to the person since and she's made no attempt to contact me, so we'll rid.

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 15/01/2018 09:55

None of the others have been in contact still even though the one who did check I was ok yesterday saw a couple of them last night and made it clear to them how upset and humiliated I was. The one who sent the horrible message is definitely the alpha female of the group and everyone panders to her.
It’s pathetic that women in their 30s behave like this

OP posts:
RowenasDiadem · 15/01/2018 10:21

Im sorry @Purplerain101
This is just horrible. It is possible that the others haven't spoken up because they don't want to go against Queen Bee but that's unlikely. If they valued you at all even a simple "u ok hun?" Would be something.

You now know you have one true friend. Take solace in that and you may find you two have a better time without them.

RhiannonOHara · 15/01/2018 10:23

they sometimes have a giggle together about what I wear.

Well, you know exactly who to sack off now.

MrsNacho · 15/01/2018 10:24

What nasty behaviour. I think you have handled it well and better off with one friend than lots of fake friends.

How many were in the group?

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 15/01/2018 10:25

There were 7 including myself. Luckily I have a few other close friends from work etc so these bitches can run and jump!

OP posts:
MavisPike · 15/01/2018 10:29

Good for you Purple !
I'd sit back and get on with my life

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 15/01/2018 10:38

horrible thing to happen, you would hope this stops in the playground but it doesn't seem to, glad you have other friends