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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very annoyed about this?

279 replies

Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 12:27

I have a WhatsApp group with 6 of my closest friends who I’ve known since school. One of them posted on it this morning saying

“my name looks a state in her Facebook photos from last night. Why does she feel the need to wear such hideous clothes all the time”.

It was obviously meant to be sent to someone else from the group, and not the whole group. My name is very unusual so she was definitely talking about me, and I also posted some new photos on FB last night.
I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

We have been friends for 20 years and I thought we would have grown out of being bitchy by now. I feel really crap knowing one of my best friends has been making fun of me

OP posts:
rolypolyoutoutout · 15/01/2018 22:00

Bless you. You've had a hard time here. Don't take this as a reflection on you. It reflects very badly on them. The person who defended you is a keeper.

I'd be your friend. You sound lovely.

berni140 · 15/01/2018 22:59

sorry to hear that, I'd say get off that whatsapp group tbh if none of them bar one got onto you (great to the one who did)

SherbrookeFosterer · 15/01/2018 23:16

It is a common mistake to confuse old friends as best friends.

My "best friend" has been relegated over various years to "oldest friend" and now just my "first friend".

BigBaboonBum · 15/01/2018 23:19

I think they’re all ex friends at this point. The fact nobody called her out on it means they’re all likely at it behind your back. I’m sorry this has happened though, and lots of people like that style and you’re so upset about it means you wouldn’t do it to anybody else - a good person, unlike those

whyamievenamazeddotcom · 15/01/2018 23:29

I'm sorry you were treated so unkindly, unfortunately the other MN posts are correct if a friend stands by and allows another friend to behave so spitefully about a shared friend they may as well have said the words themselves. your ex friend with her pious mountain molehill speech is just trying to validate herself, rise above, block and move on, remember you are the CEO of your own life, Clear out the dead wood and move forward with friends that appreciate you for who you are x

SandAndSea · 16/01/2018 00:20

Sorry you're going through this, OP. Flowers

Mommabadass · 16/01/2018 01:17

I’m cringing so much for you reading this . The fact that all the others havnt been in touch with you to see if your okay or to discuss it suggests to me that this is a regular way they behave and would be likely ditch all of them. None of them have treated you like a friend over this. Don’t take it to heart , she doesn’t seem like someone good enough to be friends with you anyway xx

Sunflowersforever · 16/01/2018 02:04

Not going to go over the basics as fully covered by others, other than agreeing on how horrible most of them sound.

My point is this, asserting yourself is absolutely linked to good self esteem and you have done that, so well done. Whether you maintain friendships with some or not is your call in the long run once it has calmed down, but you have drawn a clear boundary on what is and isn't acceptable and for that IMO you should be proud.

Good luck

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 16/01/2018 02:28

OP....I'm 45. The friends I had in my 30s and younger are no longer part of my life...well ONE is but she's delightful.

The others...I left them behind as they were still stuck in their teens emotionally.

Like these women.

Time to move on.

VinnyTheVagina · 16/01/2018 02:39

What an absolute bitch.

MyOtherProfile · 16/01/2018 03:25

Sorry you have lost your friends OP. So gutting thst only 1 stood up for you.

Lashalicious · 16/01/2018 03:52

I haven’t read the whole thread but op, I had to come on here and tell you that you are worth a thousand of those ugly bitches.

Always remember that in 100% of these situations, it is all about jealousy and envy hence the malicious tearing down of a good person.

Shame on all of them except the one. You’ve found out their sorry characters, op, and that is actually to your benefit. Don’t look back, they are not worthy of your presence.

captainjackandjill · 16/01/2018 04:30

Wow, well handled Purplerain ! She's not a good person and you are well rid. Please remember that they may chat about this for a week or so, but then they will quickly move on to trashing someone else within the group. Insecure people like this always need a target to try to make themselves feel important. And now all within the group will be wondering in the back of their minds 'what are they saying about me?'

Positive note: a friend who will stand up for you and really has your back at the risk of losing her own spot in the group is really worth their weight in gold. Remember quality is always better than quantity.

You sound like a lovely and loyal person, I'd be happy to be your friend Flowers

AstridWhite · 16/01/2018 04:42

That was horrible for you to see and I am sorry for you. I have no idea why a friend would want to bitch like this, she sounds awful.

It terrifies me how easy it is to accidentally send a WhatsApp or an FB message to the wrong person. I've done it several times and I've received a few as well. Luckily nothing sensitive or incriminating but it should really make people think twice about communicating anything unkind or contentious via this medium, or at least make them check and double check before they hit send.

robertaplumkin · 16/01/2018 08:06

Sounds like they did you a favour by showing you their true colours.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/01/2018 08:33

and said it was just banter
I really fuckin' hate that word.
It's a license for someone to be horrible and it's not OK.
Or it's used by men to say sexist shite about women.
Well done OP.
You handled it all perfectly.

jocarter67 · 16/01/2018 08:40

She is very obviously a nasty two faced person who you can’t trust anymore. I know that must have been very hurtful but I’m glad you saw it, because sadly the way she put it, it doesn’t sound like it’s the first time she has said something similar. It’s truly not as easy as to just drop someone after 20 years, if you feel brave enough, face up to her in person and ask her to explain what she really meant by it 💐💐

manicmij · 16/01/2018 09:01

Option 1. Leave the group. You wlll be the topic of conversation no matter what is said and by whom. Option 2. The others in the group should cut the culprit out if they have any decency at all and do not support her. Never into group thing's as there is always one who tries to steer everyone their way. YANBU

alotalotalot · 16/01/2018 09:31

They could have conversations about your general dress sense if it is quirky and comment on them and still be a good friend. The tone is what is important and that tone wasn't nice. And the behavior since is really not nice. You have done the right thing op.

I hope you develop a lovely relationship with the nice one on her own.

RhiannonOHara · 16/01/2018 12:04

After mulling the situation over a lot I’ve decided I won’t be speaking to her again. I’ve messaged the others and none have replied other than the one who had my back, so I guess I won’t be speaking to them again either.

What a way to find out who your friends are. I'm sorry, OP. But good for you; you deserve much better than these people.

RaeSkywalker · 16/01/2018 14:10

I think you’ve handled this really well purple

0nTheEdge · 18/01/2018 10:17

Well done OP, you've handled it the way I'd want to if it were me. In one way it's sad because you've lost a few friends here, and why should you have to leave the friendship group when she's the bitch? It's almost like she wins. Except that it's not exactly a nice group. A queen bitch and either other people bitching too, or being complicit by not having your back. What you have got is one great friend out of it, and I'd much rather have one great friend than a group of vipers. Sorry you've had to go through this OP.

RottenTomatoes959 · 18/01/2018 11:59

Wow,what a pack of bitches. I'm so sorry OP that's really shit of them.
Console yourself on this though,people like that always need someone around to belittle or take the piss out of to feel better.
Once they have there few weeks or months of giving out about you,all their material will have run dry. It wont be long before Queen Bee picks another of one her "friends" as the token joke.
You are so much better than them. Be proud of yourself.

limecordial · 23/01/2018 15:01

A pound to a penny the person she meant to send the message to is the one who posted in the group chat last before this message arrived. I say this because I accidentally posted something in a group chat that was meant for an individual - I was in a rush and saw her name so sent it then realised this was not our private chat but she was the last person on a group one so her name was visible there too. It was something totally inconsequential so it made no difference in this instance but I am now aware how easy it is to do this. (PS you are well rid of her)

Crps1994 · 24/01/2018 15:25

I feel your pain...my mother called me in an attempt to apologize for causing me serious health issues...she had a new phone...guess she didn’t know how to hang up...I listened as she berated me to my elderly father for 20 minutes...her last comment was “I’m not involved with her anymore”! Guess what? She’s NOT as I will NEVER allow her in my life again...

Words sting and hurt...you can never unhear or unread...

Walk away...stay away...distance helps keep the hurtful words slightly buried...