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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very annoyed about this?

279 replies

Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 12:27

I have a WhatsApp group with 6 of my closest friends who I’ve known since school. One of them posted on it this morning saying

“my name looks a state in her Facebook photos from last night. Why does she feel the need to wear such hideous clothes all the time”.

It was obviously meant to be sent to someone else from the group, and not the whole group. My name is very unusual so she was definitely talking about me, and I also posted some new photos on FB last night.
I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

We have been friends for 20 years and I thought we would have grown out of being bitchy by now. I feel really crap knowing one of my best friends has been making fun of me

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 15/01/2018 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Umizoomi666 · 15/01/2018 19:42

I'd not actually bother to reply to her myself and just not speak to her again. You don't say something awful like that as a joke to other people. On a brighter note, she is clearly jealous of you for whatever reason, and trying to put you down to make herself feel better. Just remember that x

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 19:57

I'd leave it to be honest. You gave her a dignified response and now it's time to leave. They aren't friends so you own them nothing. Who was it who said, "Never fight with a pig, you both get covered in shit but the pig will enjoy it"?

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 15/01/2018 19:58

After mulling the situation over a lot I’ve decided I won’t be speaking to her again. I’ve messaged the others and none have replied other than the one who had my back, so I guess I won’t be speaking to them again either. It’s incredibly hurtful and petty that they would have so little regard for my feelings after such a long friendship. People can be so horribly judgemental about things that really shouldn’t matter (like someone’s dress sense!)
I have other friends so will just focus on them now. Thanks for all your kind and helpful messages

OP posts:
MynewnameisKy · 15/01/2018 20:02

purplerain I haven't had time to read this whole thread but I'm very impressed with your assertiveness.

You are so right, if you have to watch what you say, do or wear you're not in the company of friends.

Thanks I am sorry you are going through this.

Fullerhouse · 15/01/2018 20:18

I can’t believe your other friends haven’t messaged you back, have they all read your message? I think the same as an early post that they have a group chat without you in maybe without loyal friend in it to. Are you still friends with your other friends on Facebook? Maybe share one of them memes on facebook look on google for a good one about people only putting you down because they are below you or I seen one before that said sometimes your circle decreases in size but increases in value. I’m sure your “friends” will run and tell her what you’ve shared then if any message ignore them back. By them ignoring your message is clearly they do not think of highly of you as you did them. I can understand them not writing in the group they may want to stay completely out of it but by liking her status and ignoring your message it’s clear where they lie. At least you do know that one loyal friend is a true friend and you can trust her it’s better to have one true friend than many who stab you in the back. You seem like a lovely person op and who cares how you dress, dress to make yourself feel lovely not to impress anyone else. Xxx

Emmageddon · 15/01/2018 20:25

Forget about these so-called friends (apart from the one who has your back,obviously) and concentrate on the people in your life that are genuine and who aren't malicious, spiteful and belittling. Life is too short to waste energy trying to understand why some people are toxic.

Cookie37 · 15/01/2018 20:25

Goodness, how unkind. So pleased you are staying true to yourself and have blocked her. Her dismissive attitude about your hurt feelings is compounding the issue and imo you should ignore anything she says. Ask your OH not to tell you anything he reads on FB (load of rubbish and a waste of time imo anyway) so you don’t have to engage with all the negativity. Remember one true friend is worth several bad ones, so I’d just stay friends with the one who was supportive and live your life and dress for it as you want to. Life is far too short to bother with people like this. You sound lovely and your style sounds cool !

ChasedByBees · 15/01/2018 20:25

I’m sorry your friends were so awful. You are right not to accept that from them.

Tapandgo · 15/01/2018 20:26

How utterly pathetic anybody (let alone a ‘friend’) takes time out of their day to insult someone because they don’t dress like them! Then compounds it by spreading her vitriol and defending it!

Hope she and the others are on mumsnet and can read how a broad section of other people think of them all!

Good luck purple - onwards with decent people. 👍

Cookie37 · 15/01/2018 20:27

Sorry - X post ! You sound as if you have done the right things and are moving on from this - well done you ! Xx

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/01/2018 20:31

You are so well rid of those nasty fuckers, OP. Their mask has slipped and you are confronted by the hateful reality, which is very painful, but frees you.

Very sensible and empowering to focus on your other friends.

You've had a January detox - the best kind Flowers

Rewn7 · 15/01/2018 20:31

I’m sorry that this nasty bitch has also shown other former friends in their true light too. It’s sad but in my experience it’s perfectly possible to be friends with people for a long time and only really see their true colours when an issue like this comes up.

Be glad you’ve seen who is a true friend and feel lighter for getting rid of those that aren’t. You’ve handled it very well too Flowers

JaneGarveykeepsmesane · 15/01/2018 20:34

Totally agree with what loads of people have said. Dump her, she’s not a friend.

If you possibly can, try not to focus on the substance of the comments she made. You like your look and style and really that’s what matters.

I’m disabled and have had situations where I’ve heard from a few trusted friends that one other in our social group had been making quite unkind comments about my new mobility scooter.

I can’t change that but it made me see the friendship differently and that was what was important.

You’ll feel better once you cut her loose.

MrsAJ27 · 15/01/2018 20:39

Stay strong Purplerain, ppl like that do not deserve 2 be in ur life x

Gemini69 · 15/01/2018 20:43

they know ..you now know .. what they are... scum Flowers

ClaireAnne1976 · 15/01/2018 20:47

It's appalling that she did that and her reaction is even worse. You did exactly the right thing.

Motoko · 15/01/2018 21:02

I'm sorry that only one person in the group had the integrity to have your back. It hurts, but at least you now know who is worth your friendship.

You've handled this well and with dignity, and you come across as a lovely person. It truly is their loss.

Chin up, and enjoy dressing how you like!

Motoko · 15/01/2018 21:02

I'm sorry that only one person in the group had the integrity to have your back. It hurts, but at least you now know who is worth your friendship.

You've handled this well and with dignity, and you come across as a lovely person. It truly is their loss.

Chin up, and enjoy dressing how you like!

Pinklady1982 · 15/01/2018 21:06

Ah op you must be feeling sick to the stomach with hurt right now. I would be in absolute bits if this happened to me...I always worry so much about what people think about me, so this would truly destroy me! Glad to know you have some other good friends, and I hope that in time the hurt will fade xxx

RoseWhiteTips · 15/01/2018 21:13

You’re better off without them. I think she controls them which is why they are too weak to speak up. Losers.

Padstowonthames · 15/01/2018 21:20

this is hopefully the worst that you will feel....the only way is up. She's done you a favour in a way as it's good to see people's true colours. Onwards and upwards, she sounds dreadful! it is incredible how grown women can act, worse than schoolgirls!

Shockers · 15/01/2018 21:32

I’d leave it now Purple; keep your dignity.

People with that kind of nature rarely do that kind of thing only once; she’ll piss someone else off eventually.

Engorged · 15/01/2018 21:56

Wow very nasty people who have obviously not left school yet. The one silver lining is the true friend who stood up for you.

Definietely blank these others.

Motoko · 15/01/2018 21:58

Sorry for double post. It wasn't responding, so I clicked the post message button again.

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