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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very annoyed about this?

279 replies

Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 12:27

I have a WhatsApp group with 6 of my closest friends who I’ve known since school. One of them posted on it this morning saying

“my name looks a state in her Facebook photos from last night. Why does she feel the need to wear such hideous clothes all the time”.

It was obviously meant to be sent to someone else from the group, and not the whole group. My name is very unusual so she was definitely talking about me, and I also posted some new photos on FB last night.
I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

We have been friends for 20 years and I thought we would have grown out of being bitchy by now. I feel really crap knowing one of my best friends has been making fun of me

OP posts:
feral · 14/01/2018 18:24

Your 'friend' sounds a delight. If she can't see what she's done wrong and is trying to make you out to be the one in the wrong then you're better off without her!

Sorry this has happened to you, it's shit.

I quite like the sound of how you dress 🙂

Pengggwn · 14/01/2018 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LushBlitzer · 14/01/2018 18:32

Good thing you know who the 'co-conspirator' is. I really hope you manage to get your side across to the others and they're not the same as this 'friend'.

user1499786242 · 14/01/2018 18:48

What a bunch of cunts

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 19:07

That site @laconicera put the link to is great.

Yeah, it is no less of an insult because someone said 'just kidding' and 'don't be so touchy.'

I loathe people who are nasty and rude and who insult you, and then turn it around to make out YOU are the one in the wrong.

Jaxinthebox · 14/01/2018 19:33

and still she has not apologised! She only did that as A - she was probably told to and B - now she can say 'well I went round to her house to apologise'

Get your side out there. She is a bitch and not sorry at all. See the other friends by all means, but not with nasty McBitchy.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 14/01/2018 19:39

She was obnoxious but tbh if you have a very eclectic dress sense, you can’t really be surprised if it isn’t everyone cup of tea.

She can be a good friend and think your outfits are generally hideous. She can’t be a good friend and sneer at you behind your back.

Shame to have left the group, though. They probably hadn’t a clue what was going on. Needing people to “defend” you seems a bit OTT.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 14/01/2018 19:42

I’d warn you though - MN loves drama and friendship-ending and ultimatums and strongly worded texts. In real life, you just look like a loon. Just let it be for a few days and see how you feel, and don’t feel like you need to impress a load of MNers who frankly couldn’t give a shit if you cut off half a dozen lovely lifelong friends if it means they get a bit of on-thread excitement. You’ve had a unanimous response that She WBU. That’s helpful. MN’s friendship “advice” often isn’t.

TemptressofWaikiki · 14/01/2018 19:43

Why should the OP do anything else?! The onus is on the others privy to that nasty message to get off the fence and prove themselves to be decent mates by speaking out! The OP knows, they all have seen the bitchy message. None had the basic decency to speak out. Instead, two of that same chat liked the bitchy OP’s FB status. Why waste time and energy on such unworthy people? It’s been an eyeopener but except the one person who shown some empathy and kindness, the rest are really not much better. Some friendships run their course and have an expiration date.

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 19:59

@Holdme there’s a big difference to her not liking my style and making a remark like “I didn’t like what she’s wearing” to being downright nasty by saying I look a state and my clothes are hideous. Plus why does she need to voice such strong opinions behind my back to people who are also meant to be my friends? It’s uncalled for and I wouldn’t treat friends like that.
If someone upset a friend then i’d always stand up for them and make sure they are ok. None of them said anything or got in touch with me privately other than one of them. I’ve never been anything other than extremely kind and loyal to all of them throughout our friendship.
I’ve messaged them all other than the two bitches as don’t want them to feel awkward or like they have to pick sides. Made it clear how hurt I was by that message too.
None of them have read their messages yet so just waiting for their responses. I’ll leave it at that!

OP posts:
HolyShet · 14/01/2018 20:05

My thoughts precisely Tony Danza

For all you know they've told her she was out of order/rung/texted her to call on you and apologise/made their feelings known on the group that the OP left.

It's drama central to tell OP to drop friends because they didn't rally to support her on a particular channel, in a particular window. I doubt Horrid Woman came round without being prompted to do so, hence her crap non-apology.

HolyShet · 14/01/2018 20:08

and the person for whom the message was intended may also be oblivious. It's easier for Horrid Woman to think she can dilute the responsibility.

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 20:08

They haven’t though. The one who got in touch with me has told me that none of them have said anything at all on that chat. She posted a “?” and that’s the last anyone has said

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 20:20

@lonicera thanks for the links. Really interesting!

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/01/2018 20:35

it's just horrible .. what this viper did.. and then tried defending herself by projecting onto you.. she's utter scum Lady.... Flowers

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 20:50

@Holdmeclosertonydanza

She was obnoxious but tbh if you have a very eclectic dress sense, you can’t really be surprised if it isn’t everyone cup of tea.

I see the OP's nasty 'friend' has joined the thread. Hmm

So WHAT if someone has an 'eclectic' style of dressing, that doesn't give someone the right to slag them off to other people.What a stupid thing to say.

@temptressofwaikiki

Why should the OP do anything else?! The onus is on the others privy to that nasty message to get off the fence and prove themselves to be decent mates by speaking out! The OP knows, they all have seen the bitchy message. None had the basic decency to speak out. Instead, two of that same chat liked the bitchy OP’s FB status.

Why waste time and energy on such unworthy people? It’s been an eyeopener but except the one person who shown some empathy and kindness, the rest are really not much better. Some friendships run their course and have an expiration date.

Exactly!

These people sound like arseholes, especially the bitch who made the snide remarks. The OP needs to bin these so-called friends. They sound about 12... bitching and carping on facebook and giggling at the nasty things someone is saying about someone else. The OP should just stay in touch with the friend who showed concern and bin the others.

Just coz you have been friends with someone 20 years, that doesn't mean you have to stay friends. Familiarity breeds contempt, and you do see some people for what they really are after a while. Sometimes it can take some years, but you do see it eventually when someone is a cunt. (Like the so-called friend who slated the the OP's way of dressing, and mocked her.)

holdmeclosertonydanza

A load of MNers who frankly couldn’t give a shit if you cut off half a dozen lovely lifelong friends.

What a load of utter crap! These women are not 'lovely lifelong friends.' They are bitches. (Except the one who showed the OP kindness.)

@Purplerain101

Call that nasty bitch out, and then block her, and block the others who joined in too. Fuck 'em. And fuck any loyalty, just because they are 'lovely lifelong friends....' 🙄

Are they fuck 'lovely lifelong friends,'?! What a load of nonsense. Hmm

CandleWithHair · 14/01/2018 20:55

So NONE of them bar the one nice friend has said anything to you or commented in the old group chat?

OP I’d be worried there’s another group chat that excludes you two, and be thinking that possibly none of the rest of these women are the friends you thought they were.

Never cease to be amazed at fully grown adults who behave like awful teenage bullies. Sack off the lot of them, nasty cowbags.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 14/01/2018 20:58

bingbong, did you not read the rest of my post or were you just not able to understand it?

I said sneering was unacceptable. I just don’t think a load of MN drama hounds have any idea whether the remaining women are good friends or not.

Gemini69 · 14/01/2018 21:01

CandleWithHair

I believe you have just hit the nail on the head... Flowers

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 21:09

@holdmeclosertonydanza

YES I read everything you said and I understood it perfectly.

Don't try and backpedal by making out I have comprehension problems.

It's clear what you mean. The OP should accept the nasty shit and bullying, because if she dresses in a manner people dislike, she deserves it.

namechangedforthis124 · 14/01/2018 21:09

Hope you ok op. Flowers

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 21:10

And saying she should stay friends with these bitches PURELY because they have been friends for 20 years is utter crap.

If you are going to talk drivel, expect to be challenge.

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 21:11

@holdmeclosertonydanza

And saying she should stay friends with these bitches PURELY because they have been friends for 20 years is utter crap.

If you are going to talk drivel, expect to be challenged.

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 21:15

@CandleWithHair

So NONE of them bar the one nice friend has said anything to you or commented in the old group chat?

OP I’d be worried there’s another group chat that excludes you two, and be thinking that possibly none of the rest of these women are the friends you thought they were.

Never cease to be amazed at fully grown adults who behave like awful teenage bullies. Sack off the lot of them, nasty cowbags.

THIS! ^

Some people never grow up. As I said, the OP needs to bin these bitches off and find some new friends. They are acting like they're still 12. The OP is clearly much more mature than them.

She needs to get rid of them. (Apart from the one loyal one.) It won't be long before they turn on each other. I have seen it happen many times.

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 21:16

@CandleWithHair

So NONE of them bar the one nice friend has said anything to you or commented in the old group chat?

OP I’d be worried there’s another group chat that excludes you two, and be thinking that possibly none of the rest of these women are the friends you thought they were.

Never cease to be amazed at fully grown adults who behave like awful teenage bullies. Sack off the lot of them, nasty cowbags.

THIS! ^

Some people never grow up. As I said, the OP needs to bin these bitches off and find some new friends. They are acting like they're still 12. The OP is clearly much more mature than them.

She needs to get rid of them. (Apart from the one loyal one.) It won't be long before they turn on each other. I have seen it happen many times.