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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very annoyed about this?

279 replies

Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 12:27

I have a WhatsApp group with 6 of my closest friends who I’ve known since school. One of them posted on it this morning saying

“my name looks a state in her Facebook photos from last night. Why does she feel the need to wear such hideous clothes all the time”.

It was obviously meant to be sent to someone else from the group, and not the whole group. My name is very unusual so she was definitely talking about me, and I also posted some new photos on FB last night.
I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

We have been friends for 20 years and I thought we would have grown out of being bitchy by now. I feel really crap knowing one of my best friends has been making fun of me

OP posts:
LotsOfLoveAndSarcasm · 14/01/2018 13:50

Something similar happened with me a few years back on FB. It hurts to be stabbed in the back like that. I'm not friends with any of them anymore, and have blocked them everywhere. I hated it because it's so out of character for me to make a fuss, I'm usually easy going and forgiving, but there are limits. Sorry OP Flowers

whalewhatsallthisthen · 14/01/2018 13:50

I would struggle to be friends with her again after that. How pathetic. She is clearly saying the same about everyone else too, people like that always do. Is it it bitchy group?

Namechangetempissue · 14/01/2018 13:51

Oh, and "don't make a song and dance out of it" and "get a grip" while simultaneously posting PA statuses on facebook for all her mates to ask "whatz up hun" and "pm me". Ironic much.

CornforthWhite · 14/01/2018 13:53

Gosh on her putting up a Facebook post about this. Well at least you know the other 2 who liked her post are hideous too.
I’m so sorry - I’ve been there before and it hurts like hell. But you know now so move on and don’t look back.

LotsOfLoveAndSarcasm · 14/01/2018 13:53

Also, my choices back then - and I'm guessing yours now - were to either keep talking about it, discussing it with the other friends and eventually having two groups arguing about it forever OR take a step back from everyone and risk losing the ones who hadn't really done anything. I chose the second option, because I hated the idea of all that never-ending bitching and gossiping.

Tipsntoes · 14/01/2018 13:54

Shame you've blocked her, as it would be nice to respond to her status by asking her to explain what the molehill is.

Gemini69 · 14/01/2018 13:55

do you still have the Whatsapp message ?

I'd copy and paste under what she posted on FB... then I'd block every single person who has not contacted you from the whatsapp group...

you Lady have been the butt of their jokes for a very long time ...

and she's poison and pretty sad and desperate having to resort to Facebook as a platform of approval..

CanIBuffalo · 14/01/2018 13:56

You're not making a song and dance about it. You're taking the opportunity you've been given to spring clean your life of some fuckwits.

LoniceraJaponica · 14/01/2018 13:56

Making bitchy remarks and passing them off as "jokes" says far more about her than it does about you. Anyone with an ounce of empathy just wouldn't do that. She has been caught out as a bitch and is minimising it and making it all about her.

The best weapon is to not rise to it and ignore her and the rest of her bitchy coterie. By continuing to post on Facebook about it just makes her look like she has the mentality of a 12 year old. Ultimately it will make her look bad.

RhiannonOHara · 14/01/2018 13:57

Fuck em all then, the 'likers' as well as her.

sabs22 · 14/01/2018 13:57

How awful for you OP. As sad as it is, if o were you I’d be wary about the rest of the group now too. It doesn’t sound like they have jumped to defend you or even check you are ok, and like you say it’s likely the message was meant for someone else in the group who may have engaged in such chats previously.

LockedOutOfMN · 14/01/2018 13:57

I haven't read the full thread, but block her, OP, and stick with anyone who has actively called out this immature, bitchy woman for her unacceptable behaviour.

HolyShet · 14/01/2018 14:02

TBH I wouldn't have blocked her or sent a private message. Why should you be out of your frienship group conversation for her horrid comments?

I would have sent a group message saying how hurtful it was to read, and left her enough rope to hang herself.

Fruitbat1980 · 14/01/2018 14:03

I love the quote from Madeline Albright. “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support each other” . You did the right thing. She’s a cow. Flowers for you! Onwards and upwards!

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 14:04

Still haven’t heard a peep out of any of them other than the one who messaged me asking if I was ok (she’s also called me to say how shocked she is).

OP posts:
Jaxinthebox · 14/01/2018 14:08

I think you need new friends!

Aitishoe · 14/01/2018 14:08

Oh OP, what a horrid message to get. Realising a friend isn't a real friend is like a punch in the gut. Flowers A bit gobsmacked at her response, she sounds like a spiteful toad.

Well done on your response. You showed her (and the others) that you don't have to put up with this bullshit. Life's too short to spend it with bitchy folk.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 14/01/2018 14:10

Well there you have it. Sounds like they were all in on it apart from the one person who has called you.

Leave them to it. They sound hideous

Sprinklestar · 14/01/2018 14:11

I’d get your DH to block her and her sad arse DH on FB. You don’t want to see or hear updates, you’re worth more. My DH wouldn’t be friends with a couple who treated me like that.

rothbury · 14/01/2018 14:14

At least you can hopefully salvage a 1:1 friendship with the one who contacted you.

It will hurt for a while but really, the others were not your friends.

FoggyDew17 · 14/01/2018 14:14

If the shoe was on the other foot and you were a nasty piece of shit like her saying pathetic comments then I guarantee you its wouldn't be a case of "mountain out of a molehill". Her reaction is typical of a pathetic bully. Gets caught,pulled up on it and deflects the blame onto you and paints you as unreasonable while she's a victim. Absolute bullshit. I'm sorry it happened but if you want my opinion you need to be wary of the lot of them,their reaction to the situation tell me as much as I need to know about the dynamics of the group of "friends" and how they view you. Tbh you seem to genuinely nice and too content in life to fit in with them. They need drama and put downs to feel better about their shitty lives obvs. Do yourself a favor distance the lot of them and carry on being you,just the way you are

ObscuredbyFog · 14/01/2018 14:16

Someone on another thread posted this recently and it stuck in my mind. You may find it helpful.

"What I'd like to know is why some people get off on trying to belittle others."

My guess is it's jealousy. You look naturally and effortlessly lovely and the bitchy comment poster needs to spend forever to make herself look nice.

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 14:19

Thanks everyone.
I don’t think the one who called me was ever involved in bitchiness as she seems genuinely shocked and upset about it all and doesn’t want to be friends with her now either.

It really hurts that we have all been so close for 20 years and done things like lived together as students, gone abroad together etc. I never thought any of them would be so horrible.

OP posts:
HolyShet · 14/01/2018 14:19

again with the keyboard warriors judging people by their own standards

the others are very probably not "in on it"

the woman who did this has only given her side, and OP has let her - what with all the huffy blocking and group leaving, making it easy for horrid "friend" to spin it her way

HolyShet · 14/01/2018 14:21

"What I'd like to know is why some people get off on trying to belittle others."

this is excellent. I would rejoin group and post a variation on that.