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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very annoyed about this?

279 replies

Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 12:27

I have a WhatsApp group with 6 of my closest friends who I’ve known since school. One of them posted on it this morning saying

“my name looks a state in her Facebook photos from last night. Why does she feel the need to wear such hideous clothes all the time”.

It was obviously meant to be sent to someone else from the group, and not the whole group. My name is very unusual so she was definitely talking about me, and I also posted some new photos on FB last night.
I sent her a message saying “Thanks for that” and she’s just replied saying “my mistake but don’t start making a song and dance out of it as I was only joking”.

We have been friends for 20 years and I thought we would have grown out of being bitchy by now. I feel really crap knowing one of my best friends has been making fun of me

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 14/01/2018 13:22

She's shown her true colours, hasn't she? Hmm

KeepServingTheDrinks · 14/01/2018 13:22

I would be wanting to know which of the friends she thought she was communicating with.

FoggyDew17 · 14/01/2018 13:23

I think that was a fabulous way to deal.with her however something kind of irks me about the group chat. This was sent as a mistake so who in the group was she meant to be sending it to? Obviously there seems to be more than one back biter pretending to be your friend. Also only one person messaged u "privately" to see how you were? Why not ask you there and then in the group chat? What didn't they show their shock and dismay at someone openly being so nasty about you? I'll tell you why I'd presume they didn't support you in public,they've done it before and that wasn't their first rodeo regards being nasty about you and possibly others in the group behind peoples backd. Some bitches just never grow up.its beyond sad.

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 13:23

Feel a bit paranoid about which others from that group have been slagging me off too. I doubt she would have sent that message unless at least one other was in on it

OP posts:
Tipsntoes · 14/01/2018 13:25

I agree with foggy, the more supportive response from the group member would have been to respond on the group, so Nasty knows you have support.

AntiHop · 14/01/2018 13:26

Wow op she'd been really nasty. I am not surprised you are upset. I hope your other friends have your back.

insomniac123 · 14/01/2018 13:27

About 3 years ago I dropped a whole group of friends who were doing similar stuff, they are all friend with each other still, I am so glad that I am out of it as I know all the horrible things they said about each other behind each other's backs. I chuckle every time I see this 'We're best friends.' And 'Greatest Friends' posts on Facebook, and think - if only you knew!!!
I now have a vastly smaller but most trusted group of friends.
I am sorry this happened to you what a bitch, but you are well out of it.

ilovekitkats · 14/01/2018 13:29

Well done OP. She is trying to make you feel as if you are making a fuss over nothing, and this is to cover her own back.

What she needs is for all of the group to tell her what a cow she is, and maybe then she will realise. Sadly this may not happen as some people don't want to get involved, or aren't strong enough to stand up to other people.

Namechangetempissue · 14/01/2018 13:29

I would take a step back from the whole group to be honest. It wasn't a one off message clearly -they obviously enjoy the odd bitch about someone. Don't think it is just you either, they will bitch about each other I guarantee. Its no loss OP. I got rid of a "friend" like this (one who was supposed to be a best friend too) and while I was sad for a bit, looking back I have absolutely no regrets and feel so much better for it.
.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 14/01/2018 13:34

I'd have been tempted to ask her to "define hideous" Put her on the spot. Cheeky mare!
I'm sure she's probably not exactly the epitome of style.

My dress style is somewhat "eclectic". I've been told I'm "brave" lol.
Maybe she envies the fact that you wear what the hell you like. Lots of people don't have the confidence.

Still a rotten bitch though. Glad you're getting rid.

BuckysRoboticArm · 14/01/2018 13:35

I love how she's trying to act all cool and save face by making out you're the one with the problem 😂 she is making herself look like an even bigger arsehole with every single message now. Have some dignity, for the love of god!

The fact that she's not even sorry says it all.

Drop her. She's nothing.

TroubledTribble28 · 14/01/2018 13:35

Purple I don't want to piss on your mojo but this happened to me and nobody called her on it because all my 'friends' bitched about me in a separate chat. Do you trust your friends?

ZenNudist · 14/01/2018 13:36

Its one thing being bitchy (which is bad). Being unapologetic is worse

LoniceraJaponica · 14/01/2018 13:41

A joke is only a joke when everyone finds it funny. She sounds horrible.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 14/01/2018 13:41

Well done op. I'm so glad this utter bitch is out of your life.

And what a bunch of spineless friends. Don't want to get involved?! Yeah it's difficult to choose sides on something like that. Gosh. It's so hard to decide who's in the right...

Hope you had a brilliant night. Your style sounds awesome by the way!

ButchyRestingFace · 14/01/2018 13:41

Feel a bit paranoid about which others from that group have been slagging me off too. I doubt she would have sent that message unless at least one other was in on it

Suspect you're right, unfortunately.

The message was so unequivocally nasty that I think there's little chance someone would send it without first being confident of the reception it was likely to have. (i.e., they've done it before).

rothbury · 14/01/2018 13:42

I am part of a similar group and can understand how horrified and upset you must feel.

I once sent a message by email to "all" instead of to one friend where I took the piss out of one of our group, albeit in a gentle way. It wasn't bitchy or name calling but I felt awful about it. I was nearly sick when I realised what I had done. I called her on her mobile. Explained what I had done, why I had said it, and apologised for any offence. She laughed about what I had said and I was so relieved. The reason I did all that as because I love her and really value the friendship.This woman's reaction speaks volumes.

I would block her in every way. If the others want to continue the friendship they will contact you. Otherwise I guess it is time to make more, less superficial friends. Flowers

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 14/01/2018 13:43

My OH who is friends with her partner has told me that she’s put a status on her FB saying “some people love to make a mountain out of a molehill...” and two of the others from that group have liked it.
God it’s like being 12 all over again!

OP posts:
Vicks30 · 14/01/2018 13:44

What a snake.....clearly wasn’t joking.

Pengggwn · 14/01/2018 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vicks30 · 14/01/2018 13:47

I knew girls like this I promptly distanced myself. They are probably jealous of your life and that you seem to be having a good time without them. It’s how you tell the snakes 🐍. Just watch yourself.

Namechangetempissue · 14/01/2018 13:47

Urgh, she (they) sound dreadful. Would be tempted to screenshot the bitchy message and add it to her post, but in reality it is better to keep her/them blocked and get on with your life sans drama and backstabbing.

Piffle11 · 14/01/2018 13:48

God I hate this - she's basically trying to brazen it out and making it seem like you're the unreasonable one for not letting it go ... stuff her. Cut her out as this clearly isn't the first time you've been the subject of her bitching. I have a group of friends and if any of them said this about another one: well, I'd be outraged. And I would be taking a massive step back from them, as I think, bitch about one, bitch about the rest. The trust is gone now, isn't it? Look at this as a positive thing - this snake has accidently revealed her true colours to you and now you can decide to walk away. This behaviour would be a deal breaker for me.

Mlb123 · 14/01/2018 13:48

Bang out of order and especially rather than apologising she starts defensively telling you not to make a song and dance about it. I bet your clothes are fine and the way she phrased it, it came across as she is probably jealous of you so puts you down to make herself feel better. It's likely she did it on purpose to try to make you feel as insecure as she does. I know it might seem a leap, but it's the tone of the text to you and the lack of remorse shown and I have seen this behaviour from women towards other women many times sadly xx

Lethaldrizzle · 14/01/2018 13:48

One thing I hate is people being nasty and then accusing the intended recipient of being 'sensitive '. Her original crime was bad enough but to not whole heartedly apologise and make out you're the one with the problem is completely bonkers

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