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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with DH for letting us sleep?

228 replies

IamAporcupine · 13/01/2018 12:19

We got back from holidays on Monday. We were in a different time zone (6 hr behind) and it is proving difficult to get back to normal. DS(5) has really struggled to get up to go to school, and I have been very tired. It did not affect DH so much, as his sleep patterns are always all over the place.

I am not sure what time he woke up today, but he came to us (DS was sleeping in our bed) at some point and said: it's already 10am maybe you should get up otherwise jetlag will get worse.

I finally woke up at 11:45am Shock

I just do not understand why he didn't try to wake us up?! He says he did and that I am ungrateful, and that it is not his responsibility!
I do not care about me, but if he knew it would mess up with DS sleep why didn't he do a bit more?!

OP posts:
Original poster
IamAporcupine · 14/01/2018 22:31

Also BurningStar
Could you tell me where I said or implied this, that you listed in your post?
Why is it that you need so much sleep but your DC who is younger than you (and scientifically needs more sleep) needs to get up?

OP posts:
BurningStar · 14/01/2018 22:44

Like I said, posters shouldn't be attacking you personally.

I believe you've used the 'heavy sleeper' as an excuse to try and justify yourself after realising you were probably wrong. I struggle with sleep but if I wanted my DD to be woken up I'd of actually told DP to do it or done it myself.

Your son was sleeping because he was tired. The fact you wanted him to be woken up but were happy to stay asleep yourself is what gave me the impression about sleep.

Batteriesallgone · 14/01/2018 22:44

I don’t think you’re being U OP.

In a partnership you should play to your straights. He deals with disturbed sleep better than you. Therefore he should be the one sorting your DS’s sleep problems (all else being equal, both in the house etc etc). I am sure there are aspects of child rearing that you do better and therefore have the responsibility for.

DH deals fabulously with jet lag. I don’t. It takes me weeks to recover. DH is the one who ensures everybody gets sunlight, woken at set times yadah yadah because it’s easier for him. He wouldn’t want to see me struggling to complete a task he could do easily - it’s just not very kind.

Batteriesallgone · 14/01/2018 22:45

Straights? Strengths obviously

DivisionBelle · 14/01/2018 22:46

FGS, woman, go to bed! No wonder you can’t get up in the mornings if you stay up late arguing with strangers!

tiggytape · 14/01/2018 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BashStreetKid · 14/01/2018 23:55

LadyBunnys, OP has made it clear more than once that her issue isn't in relation to waking her, it's in relation to waking their child. Precisely what action do you say she took that indicated to her husband that she was happy for their child to stay asleep? When someone you know to be a deep sleeper doesn't respond when you first wake them, you'd have to be daft to decide that that means she doesn't want you to wake your child.

He's an adult and a parent, FFS, how hard would it be for him to work out that if his child has been struggling all week to wake up for school, and is allowed to sleep late on a weekend morning, it will throw his internal clock out and make it difficult for him to wake in time on Monday?

tiggytape · 14/01/2018 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 15/01/2018 00:01

Because she heard enough to know the time and the child was in bed with her? She could have made it known that she wanted their son up no matter what. Maybe he decided that if she is too tired to get up it wouldn’t be right to make the child get up. Or can he not make a decision? If she wanted their son up no mater what then she should have made that clear or made sure she got him up. Communication in a relationship is key.

Just an FYI, my partner brought my tablets up to me this morning (after bringing the kids downstairs) and I spoke to him once he woke me, I still fell back to sleep for over an hour. He left me to sleep and I didn’t get angry at him. I can never sleep at night and struggle to wake up. However, if I need to then I will. I set multiple alarms and have them out of reach or I force myself out of bed even if my eyes can barely open. I struggle with sleep a lot but shit needs done.

Xeneth88 · 15/01/2018 00:05

Yabu and a brat. He sounds lovely!! Bless him.

TrinitySquirrel · 15/01/2018 00:14

Yabu OP. And you know you are.

BashStreetKid · 15/01/2018 00:19

But, Quack, why did she have to make it known? Why do you assume the child's father is incapable of making his own decision on issues concerning the parenting of his child?

Or can he not make a decision?

That is precisely my point. Why is it only up to OP to make the decision?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 15/01/2018 00:30

He did make a decision, he let them sleep... obviously t was he wrong decision therefore op should have said something. If you don’t communicate every detail then you can’t get annoyed if things are done differently. My partner does things slightly differently to me unless I say otherwise and he respects what I suggest. She wanted to get the child up and sleep on herself then she should have made that clear. She can’t then complain because he didn’t do as she wished even though she didn’t mention it.

To be honest the whole things is blown out of proportion really. A simple “next time we have jet lag even if I need to sleep can you make sure our son is woken and made to stay awake so that he can adjust for school” Would have been fine. Otherwise don’t be shocked if the other parent makes a different decision than you. He clearly was littering about and lost track of time. He isn’t her keeper.

PippaSqueaks · 15/01/2018 00:35

You both had equal responsibility to wake your DC up. He tried once. You didn't try at all. So you are both unreasonable, but you more than him.

BashStreetKid · 15/01/2018 00:40

Quack, how was OP supposed to know he'd made the decision to let their child sleep unless he communicated it to her?

EnidButton · 15/01/2018 01:26

What a non-issue. 11.45 isn't even that late really. I do think yabu OP and I also thing the majority of the posters reply are BU getting so angry at you about it. Calm down, there's literally nothing really happening here.

EnidButton · 15/01/2018 01:26

*think
Replies

AhJaysus · 15/01/2018 01:30

The poor man.
you don't sound nice OP.

LadyBunnysWig · 15/01/2018 03:04

Quack, how was OP supposed to know he'd made the decision to let their child sleep unless he communicated it to her?

She was asleep and apparently incapable of waking up. For all we know perhaps he did!

Purplealienpuke · 15/01/2018 06:18

Christ I wish I could sleep to a point where someone needed to wake me up ffs 😲.
Yabvvu.

FrancisCrawford · 15/01/2018 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 15/01/2018 06:53

West to east much worse!

BashStreetKid · 15/01/2018 09:02

I don't know about you, LadyBunny, but if I find myself talking to someone who I know to have difficulty waking from sleep and who is lying in bed with their eyes closed not responding to me, I don't take silence for consent. And if they do say anything, I take what they say with massive caution - otherwise I would have had to go out and find some ducks to feed at 6 a.m. the other day when DH insisted that I should.

And you can't build any sort of credible argument on the basis that "for all we know", someone "perhaps" did something. Equally for all we know, if OP said anything at all to her DH it was "Don't let DS sleep any later".

clarkl2 · 15/01/2018 21:02

If you were that worried about it YOU should have set an alarm.

LadyBunnysWig · 15/01/2018 21:22

@BashStreetKid my point was how could he communicate with her if she was asleep? How was he supposed to let her know that he had made that decision when she was asleep?

Nice attempt to twist what I said though.