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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with DH for letting us sleep?

228 replies

IamAporcupine · 13/01/2018 12:19

We got back from holidays on Monday. We were in a different time zone (6 hr behind) and it is proving difficult to get back to normal. DS(5) has really struggled to get up to go to school, and I have been very tired. It did not affect DH so much, as his sleep patterns are always all over the place.

I am not sure what time he woke up today, but he came to us (DS was sleeping in our bed) at some point and said: it's already 10am maybe you should get up otherwise jetlag will get worse.

I finally woke up at 11:45am Shock

I just do not understand why he didn't try to wake us up?! He says he did and that I am ungrateful, and that it is not his responsibility!
I do not care about me, but if he knew it would mess up with DS sleep why didn't he do a bit more?!

OP posts:
princesssparkle1 · 14/01/2018 06:08

DH made one attempt to get your son back into his sleep pattern.
You made no effort at all (no alarm set the night before and choosing to ignore a wake up call) despite being awake enough to know it was already 10am).

This.

BurningStar · 14/01/2018 07:44

OP YABVU

First of all AIBU isn't a place to post if you just want people to agree with you and tear your DH to shreds. If you're just looking for people to tell you what you want to hear, this is not the place.

Other posters have made really good points:

  • Why is it that you need so much sleep but your DC who is younger than you (and scientifically needs more sleep) needs to get up?
  • Your DH woke you up and you were left in the room with your DC. Why didn't you wake him up?
  • Perhaps your DH thought that since you didn't wake up that you had decided to let you both have a lie. Maybe he was scared that if he went up again he'd be undermining you when you had decided a lie in was ok.
  • Seeing as DH is an equal parent maybe he decided that it was ok for his child to have a lie in. Why do you make all the rules?
  • You're excuse of "I'm a deep sleeper" is pathetic.

Tbh you should be grateful you got to sleep in so late. You owe your DH an apology, if YOU want your DC up at a certain time that is YOUR responsibility.

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/01/2018 07:45

DH made one attempt to get your son back into his sleep pattern
When? When did the DH make any attempt to get the child back into a normal sleep pattern? He didn't wake the child at all.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 14/01/2018 10:01

That’s a good point. Maybe your husband was fine letting the child sleep on seeing as you clearly didn’t mind at all. Why is his decision wrong but yours isn’t?

SavageBeauty73 · 14/01/2018 10:21

Bizarre post! Set your alarm

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/01/2018 15:15

Why is his decision wrong but yours isn’t?

Because, according to him, he didn’t make a decision he said it just “wasn’t his responsibility”.

lurkingnotlurking · 14/01/2018 15:20

Mum of 3 here - a lay in is 8am. It's glorious. I would never ever complain about one.

Kentnurse2015 · 14/01/2018 15:26

Maybe in future don’t travel more then a couple of time zones away. Your poor child getting home and having to go to school while readjusting. I would think he needed that sleep!

cherish123 · 14/01/2018 17:39

Did DS miss school? If so, YANBU. However, for you YABU- getting up is up to you. Annoying to oversleep but not worth posting on the internet.

tinkertailorsoildersailor · 14/01/2018 17:49

er what..... you're being crazy! He let you have lie in! Hmm

bingbongnoise · 14/01/2018 18:21

I feel your pain OP. My husband does shit like this all the time.

He makes me coffees without being asked, he takes the rubbish out to the bin, he vacuums the carpets once a week or so, and he does the ironing WITHOUT ASKING, and he also brings me a jammy shortcake from Greggs (my fave!) and makes me a cappucino to go with it.

That cunt. Hmm

I am seeking a divorce lawyer as I type this post.

Can you advise me? I mean surely you are thinking about LTB after him committing this vile act of letting you lie in.

joking obvs!

BashStreetKid · 14/01/2018 18:25

You could have told him to get DS up he probably thought you both needed the sleep

Your DH is absolutely right it's not his responsibility.

Why the hell not? It's his child. It may not be his sole responsibility, but it sure as hell is still his responsibility.

MN is a truly bizarre place sometimes. If the original post had been phrased in terms of OP's husband expecting her to do all the wifework and take the mental load of remembering to do something to get their child's internal clock back in sync, and demanding she get out of bed because he had no intention of doing anything about it, there would have been a chorus of YANBUs.

Geordie1944 · 14/01/2018 19:18

Who is expected to give a stuff about this non-problem and on what grounds? For Christ's sake get a life.

tiptopteepe · 14/01/2018 19:21

YABU he did come and tell you the time. I think it would have been far more disrespectful to shake you both awake. Id be furious if my husband did that unless there was an emergency.
Its your own responsibility to wake up and as for your child if you wanted him to be woken up at a specific time you should have told your dh what time that was and that you wanted him to do that, not just presumed that he would.

LadyBunnysWig · 14/01/2018 19:26

@BashStreetKid he did go and wake her up. Their child was in bed with her, she chose to ignore him despite clearly hearing him tell her what time it was and that she should get up. Her actions indicated to him that she was happy for them to go back to sleep. Would it not have been disrespectful to then (in his mind) undermine her by continuing to wake them up.
Also, seeing how knackered they both clearly were, perhaps he also made a judgement call to allow his child to sleep?

Springprim · 14/01/2018 20:02

I find it hard to get my dc into a good sleep routine after holdiays, so I sympathise. Try not to worry, things will get back to normal soon. Go for a nice long walk to tire your dad out.

Mummadeeze · 14/01/2018 20:11

My partner used to get really annoyed with me for not waking him up to take our child to school when that was his responsibility because I leave the house early to go to work. I always tried but like you, he sometimes fell back to sleep and then blamed me. I told him to set his own alarm and that he wasn't my child. i think you are being unreasonable, and really harsh towards your partner. It was Sunday, not a school day, and you were clearly both tired. You need to chill out a bit. You can get back in your routine when school starts properly.

Annette69 · 14/01/2018 20:13

You really need something to moan about, your DS will still be tired tonight so plenty of hours for him to recover.

ElphabaTheGreen · 14/01/2018 20:44

I completely understand where you're coming from OP - this is just one if those AIBU threads where one person has a go then everybody else leaps in to see how much cleverer and wittier they can be about sticking the boot in. Your husband should have engaged his brain and made more of an effort to get your DS up if you clearly weren't moving, if you'd agreed that sleep patterns need sorting.

I have to say that your inability to get over jet lag in a timely fashion is very odd, though. And you slept through two alarms completely, such that your DS didn't get to school until after 10am? I'm sorry, but with modern alarm clocks, especially on mobile phones, how does that even happen? Mine escalates and/or repeats until the rafters shake if I don't respond. Did you just switch it (both?!) off without thinking and fall back asleep?

ClaireRose8 · 14/01/2018 20:47

I would probably be a bit annoyed too. But also it’s not the end of the world. But wow a lot of these posts to the OP are incredible rude and nasty and really not necessary. The lady was pissed off and wanted to vent. Instead she’s been chastised, insulted and really dragged!
OP I saw you write something like ‘now I know how people feel when the are the OP.’ I’ve been on MN for a couple months and it took me all of 5 minutes to know never to post anything of personal importance to me, or to post an OP at all tbh. I’ve seen the most trivial of topics turn beyond nasty. Maybe just delete the thread, lesson learnt? Sorry for what it’s worth that you’ve been dragged like this, I feel for you!

Annette69 · 14/01/2018 21:07

Nothing about the original post but call me old fashioned - it actually makes me cringe when I hear or see the “C” word. More so from a woman 🤐

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 14/01/2018 21:42

Annette69 - wrong thread?

ElphabaTheGreen
Thanks. Tbh I also think it is odd that it has taken us so long. They do say that traveling east to west is worse, but I do not know if that is the reason. The day we slept through our alarm clocks, I am not sure what happened to DH's alarm, but I know I switched mine off and fell back to sleep. As I said I do have sleep issues (but I should not mention them, as they make me pathetic apparently), I am constantly tired and do not wake up rested. Might have sleep apneas, don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
IamAporcupine · 14/01/2018 21:52

ClaireRose8
I totally agree it is not the end of the world, and I that I probably overreacted. As you say, I was just venting really.
I was not expecting everybody to agree, but to be called pathetic and a lazy fucker?! Definitely lesson learnt!

OP posts:
BurningStar · 14/01/2018 22:00

I didn't call you pathetic but your excuse. There's no need for people to be attacking you personally.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 14/01/2018 22:20

BurningStar
True. You said: Your excuse of "I'm a deep sleeper" is pathetic.
Can I ask you why you think this is an excuse? I was just explaining how (bad) my sleep is, and how many times I go back to sleep without realising or choosing to do so. Do I like it? Hell no. Does it stop me functioning, holding a job and caring for my son 90% of the time? No.

Anyway I also got:
Don't be so pathetic.
and
Not only unreasonable, but petulant, spoilt and pathetic.

And a lazy fucker of course.

OP posts:
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