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AIBU?

to be annoyed with DH for letting us sleep?

228 replies

IamAporcupine · 13/01/2018 12:19

We got back from holidays on Monday. We were in a different time zone (6 hr behind) and it is proving difficult to get back to normal. DS(5) has really struggled to get up to go to school, and I have been very tired. It did not affect DH so much, as his sleep patterns are always all over the place.

I am not sure what time he woke up today, but he came to us (DS was sleeping in our bed) at some point and said: it's already 10am maybe you should get up otherwise jetlag will get worse.

I finally woke up at 11:45am

I just do not understand why he didn't try to wake us up?! He says he did and that I am ungrateful, and that it is not his responsibility!
I do not care about me, but if he knew it would mess up with DS sleep why didn't he do a bit more?!

OP posts:

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DreamyMcDreamy · 18/01/2018 15:29

Ah stop

OP has probably gone back to sleep. Do we dare wake her up

Trinity66 · 18/01/2018 15:04

Ah stop

Lemondrizzlee · 18/01/2018 14:42

Almost 2 hr passed and he didn't think of maybe trying again?
*
*
Like others already said, he did try to wake you up once. It's your own fault to go back to sleep and you should have thought of DS as well not just him. Can't believe you took the time to write this thread, it's ridiculous. What do you expect people to say? LTB?

StormTreader · 18/01/2018 13:51

We should probably all just stay quiet, we're already all in trouble for not waking her up this morning...

DreamyMcDreamy · 18/01/2018 13:44

Because she's asked repeatedly for people to stop digging the boot in so unnecessarily.
Nobody's "digging the boot in". You ask for opinions on whether you're unreasonable or not, then ask why then you're going to get answers!
It makes me laugh people want opinions but only if they're told that it's the other party being unreasonable, not them.
Everybody stop posting! We've been told. (Unless it's to call the DH a useless prick for not getting her up, I presume that opinion is still allowed.

Bahhhhhumbug · 18/01/2018 13:13

Reminds me when my adult stepson lived with us. Always expected DH to wake him up, give him lifts everywhere etc. I kept quiet as it was a 'step' so therefoe 'no win' situation for me to get involved in. I lost the plot one day however when SS woke us up yelling and slamming doors in a sheer rage at DH because he was going to be late after DH had fallen back asleep after waking SS up once.
I read him the riot act and told DH this infantilisation had to stop as SS was a grown man and especially when he thought it was ok to 'tell DH off' when he failed in his ' duty'

ElphabaTheGreen · 17/01/2018 16:16

Because she hasn't been back since yesterday.

Because she's asked repeatedly for people to stop digging the boot in so unnecessarily.

Because you're not adding any new points that haven't been made by 200+ posters already.

Just give it a rest, jaysus.

DreamyMcDreamy · 17/01/2018 14:32

Oh people, back the fuck down

If you ask for an opinion, you're going to get them. Then ask another question, wanting answers. You're going to get them.
Or are we only to give ones that side with the OP and paint the DH as useless?

ElphabaTheGreen · 17/01/2018 14:28

Oh people, back the fuck down 🙄

DreamyMcDreamy · 17/01/2018 13:53

Would anything have been different If the thread had been titled:
to be annoyed with DH for letting us sleep too long?

No, because you let yourself sleep too long!

DreamyMcDreamy · 17/01/2018 13:52

If he oversleeps for something he wants to get to non important like school - "Why didn't you wake me?!"

Just read that sentence back - it sounds like I'm saying school's not important, but I meant I'll get him out of bed for school but if he misses something on a weekend that's not important like school is because he carried on sleeping after being woken up that's his problem!

DreamyMcDreamy · 17/01/2018 11:19

You're an adult.You woke up to your alarm, and turned it off. Your DH woke you up, you fell asleep again. How many further times was he supposed to have come back in and woken you up again before it stopped being his fault you overslept?

This! Bloomin' 'eck I'm sorry but you sound like my 14 year old.
Nightmare for getting him out of bed, he 'll turn his alarm off and go back to sleep. Then I'll go in and tell him he has to get up now.
Grunts. Goes back to sleep. 10 minutes later, prod him awake again.
If he oversleeps for something he wants to get to non important like school - "Why didn't you wake me?!"
Erm, I DID! Your problem, mate,not mine! Just exactly how many times are you supposed to go in, get them awake, have them moaning their head off at you as they want to carry on sleeping?
You're presumably a grown adult. If you refused to shift, he'll have just left you to it! Your responsibility. He probably assumed you wanted/needed the lie in when you wouldn't get up.
He's not a mind reader. If he had have "forced you" to get up,no doubt there'd be an AIBU - my DH made me get up with our child, even though we were both jetlagged, and needed the sleep? He wouldn't let me lie in!!"

Can't win!

QuackPorridgeBacon · 17/01/2018 09:45

people clearly don’t get it. The OP did not wake for her child even though she was concerned about his sleeping... on a weekend. The dad chose (for whatever reason) to let the child also sleep. If it bothered the OP that much, she could have got up and woke the child herself.

PLFDiDi · 17/01/2018 08:54

I can't believe the grief OP is getting! Her OH ditched his responsibility for no good reason, why can't she rely on him when she is otherwise occupied (sleeping or anything else)

Bramble71 · 16/01/2018 13:03

Shouldn't you have set an alarm?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 16/01/2018 13:01

So leave him then... clearly you are pissed with him and he does fuck all so leave him. You didn’t set your alarm and you didn’t wake your son up. Neither did he but you didn’t get up so he let his child sleep on too. I probably would have done the same. If sleep is good enough for you then it is good enough for your son. If you need sleep badly then so does he. It was a weekend, get over yourself.

StormTreader · 16/01/2018 12:56

You're an adult.
You woke up to your alarm, and turned it off. Your DH woke you up, you fell asleep again. How many further times was he supposed to have come back in and woken you up again before it stopped being his fault you overslept?
Its BOTH of your responsibilities to try and do the best for your child, NEITHER of you made sure he got up.

Quartz2208 · 16/01/2018 12:19

Does he always avoid responsibility

IamAporcupine · 16/01/2018 12:16

BashStreetKid
TheLuminaries, the father specifically said that if they stayed in their bed their jet lag could get worse. So why precisely would he have changed his mind in a split second and decided the opposite? Is it in the tiniest degree possible that either (a) he didn't think at all or (b) thought that if he woke his child up he would become responsible for supervising and didn't fancy that?

Thank you. You phrase it so much better than me.
My guess is that it was probably a combination of both, in a 70/30% (a and b, respect.)

Also, TheLuminaries I am of course not the queen of all decisions, but guess what, if my DH had decided that it was best for our son to sleep longer, he could have said so when I asked him why he did it! He did not. He only said it was not his responsibility and all that.

OP posts:

IamAporcupine · 16/01/2018 11:37

LadyBunnysWig

I see, you think it is the 'us' the problem? To be honest I am not so sure, as many people are still saying that if I was that concerned about our son I should have woken him up, I should have told my husband, etc etc

Anyway, the reason I used 'us' is because sometimes it would seem that for DH, DS and I are a single 'entity'. I very much doubt that he would have only woken DS up, and not me (even less if he was busy with something) as that would have meant more work for him.
In fact, when he came in at 10am to wake us, he did exactly that, he talked to me assuming that if I would get up, I would get our son up.

The other reason why I said 'us' is because even if DH does not have the responsibility to wake me up (which I fully agree), he could have done so. DH/DWs do lots of things for the other partner that are not their responsibility, but they still do them because they are a nice gesture, or to help them out.
If we didn't have DS, I would have also asked DH why he didn't try to wake me up again (provided he knew that was in my best interest). If he'd said 'it is not my responsibility', I would not have argued about it, as that's fair enough, but I would still think it was not a very nice gesture.

OP posts:

LadyBunnysWig · 16/01/2018 07:08

Would anything have been different If the thread had been titled:
to be annoyed with DH for letting us sleep too long?

No not really. Probably would have been different if you had said:

To be annoyed with DH for letting our child oversleep?

Its still not his responsibility to wake you up.

LadyBunnysWig · 16/01/2018 07:06

Bash the bit I quoted was criticising the husband for not communicating his intentions to let the wife and child sleep in with his already asleep and apparently impossible to wake wife. Hence my little quip at the end "for all we know he did!" Meaning from the way OP describes herself, he could have done an Irish jig on her head while reciting all the colours of Joseph's coat and she would have been non the wiser.... so I'm not exactly sure how he was supposed to communicate his intentions....

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BashStreetKid · 16/01/2018 01:21

TheLuminaries, the father specifically said that if they stayed in their bed their jet lag could get worse. So why precisely would he have changed his mind in a split second and decided the opposite? Is it in the tiniest degree possible that either (a) he didn't think at all or (b) thought that if he woke his child up he would become responsible for supervising and didn't fancy that?

IamAporcupine · 15/01/2018 22:24

Would anything have been different If the thread had been titled:
to be annoyed with DH for letting us sleep too long?

and if then I'd said:
I just do not understand why he didn't try to wake us up again?

??

OP posts:

IamAporcupine · 15/01/2018 22:02

They do say that traveling east to west is worse
Actually, the reverse is true.

Oops sorry, that's what I meant!

OP posts:

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