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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to fucking explode at partner and daughter on their mobile phones ..

230 replies

Fontella · 12/01/2018 23:26

ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Went out to the local pub this evening the three of us - rare in itself - and they are texting and looking - all the fucking time while we are sat in the pub.

Came back home and I'm cooking supper and preparing everything and the two of them are sat at the table completely engrossed in their phones while I run around like a blue arsed fly laying the table, trying to chat, preparing salad, pouring drinks for everyone, lighting candles, putting on the music - I might as well be a waitress.

I just flipped out - not sure where that came from - and they both looked at me like I was a mad woman and so I came upstairs and the two of them are sat down there eating the food I fucking cooked!

I don't want to share a room with people whose whole focus is a little battery operated handset. I want to talk, laugh, engage, have conversation, interact, enjoy the food, listen to the music .. but I might as well have been nobody tonight because that is how they both treated me.

OP posts:
EngTech · 12/01/2018 23:29

While on their phones, don’t do anything 😀

I hate that as well when it happens to me, so I just walk away.

They get the hint eventually when things don’t happen

mamas12 · 12/01/2018 23:29

Well I agree, I had a total ban at the dinner table and still do when they come home there are no phones at the table
And when we are in a conversation then that conversation is finished before checking the phone even though it pinged during the conversation
Also no texting someone while taking to me
We have fun instead

condepetie · 12/01/2018 23:32

No not at all, I find this really rude.

At my grandma's birthday meal at a restaurant, she had her husband, her two kids, their spouses, and each of those had their three kids.

That's 10 people.

Of those 10:

my grandma and grandpa enjoyed their meal
my mum and dad enjoyed their meal
my 2 brothers and I enjoyed our meal

my aunt enjoyed her meal
my uncle was on his phone
my 3 cousins were on their phones

4/10 managed to interact with my grandma on her 80th birthday.

I can't stand interacting with people who are on their phone all the time, and particularly at important family occasions like you're talking about - it's horrible. It shows a complete lack of respect. As if fucking facebook is worth more than you.

condepetie · 12/01/2018 23:33

6/10 I mean but that's little better

ParkheadParadise · 12/01/2018 23:37

I agree op, my DN is the worst her phone is never out of her hands. I BLOODY hate it, its so rude when you are trying to have a conversation with someone.

Original poster
Fontella · 12/01/2018 23:39

I don't think I've every felt so fucking angry in my whole life.

They are both sat down there chatting away having eating the food I fucking cooked - neither one of them on their phones now - and neither one of them remotely concerned about me and how I might feel.

I am absolutely boiling over with rage and I know they both think I'm going to settle down in the morning, well I can tell you I am not.

The only thing I've done tonight is sat watching them on their phones in the pub. I let that go. But them we went shopping afterwards, and I paid for all the food and drink we brought back.

We got back home and they both parked their arses on the chairs in the kitchen while I proceeded to run around like a blue arsed fly preparing supper ... and they both studied their phones for the best part of 45 minutes.

There is nothing more soul destroying than sitting down at a table that with two people who are totally engrossed in their phones.

So I exploded and I'm the one in the wrong (apparently) and frankly I couldn't give shit. I would rather be on youtube watching videos about my favourite subjects (history) and so on ... than spending time with ignorant fuckers who find their phones more interesting than me.

Oh and my other half is 60 this year, so his preoccupation with his phone has got fuck all to do with age.

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 12/01/2018 23:42

Understand why you're so angry.

What are you going to do to change things in the future? Some good suggestions above.

Or, you could just turn the wifi off....

Original poster
Fontella · 12/01/2018 23:42

Sorry for all the swearing by the way but I am absolutely boiling with rage!

I can't remember the last time I felt so angry.

I'd rather me on my own, eating what I want to eat, watching what I want to watch on youtube or whatever, or reading what I want to read.

I know they think she's had a couple of drinks and will 'get over it'.

Nope, not this time.

OP posts:
stickytoffeevodka · 12/01/2018 23:44

Why did you run around doing everything while they sat on their backsides? I would have pointed them in the direction of the kitchen, poured myself a drink and plonked myself on the sofa - no way would I run around cooking for someone who was more interested in their phone than me.

I do agree being on their phones constantly is rude, though I admit I can be guilty of it at times too - it's habit more than anything else Blush

gamerchick · 12/01/2018 23:46

You light candles and put music on for supper? I mean there’s nothing wrong with that it’s just the first time I’ve heard of it Grin

Time for a chat I think, tell them everyone helps and no phones until the meals over or just cook for yourself and let them get on with it.

Original poster
Fontella · 12/01/2018 23:49

Something mega has happened tonight and I have drawn a line.

Me and the OH went on holiday in May to Wales and we had a massive row because he was always on his phone on football forums.

I exploded there and sweet karma he wrote on the forum that he was on holiday and someone on the forum basically replied 'you sad fucker what the hell are you doing on here while you are on holiday' ... Grin which made my day!

After that he behaved himself better and now I sort of cut him slack so there are times in the day when sits and looks at all the shit on his phone he wants to look at.

But tonight was bang out of order. Why the fuck my daughter and him think I would want to wait on them while they completely ignore me I'm not quite sure.

But I tell you what .. they are going to find out tomorrow because if they think I'm going to back down from this, they can fuck off.

OP posts:
MadMags · 12/01/2018 23:50

What was with the candles and music?!

Anyway, YANBU to be angry at them ignoring you for their phones.

YABU however for martyring yourself by doing all that and then storming off.

Why did you do it all? Why weren't you all cooking/prepping etc?

MadMags · 12/01/2018 23:51

Are you drunk??

littlerobyn · 12/01/2018 23:51

I'd be absolutely raging!! I hate it when people are glued to their phones at a time when you should be social!! So rude!
My FIL does it all the time and it really gets my back up. I want to confiscate it upon entry to our home... maybe that's too far though Grin
DH's friend has a phone/watch jar he gets out before dinner and no iPads at the table rule, so that he can actually speak to his children. I think that's a great idea!!

CremeFresh · 12/01/2018 23:54

I don't think it matters if the Op is drunk or not, she has a point.

littlerobyn · 12/01/2018 23:55

To add to the above, the reason I get so mad is because DD is often looking at him and babbling away (14 months) and he bloody well ignores her!!!!!! Angry

Original poster
Fontella · 12/01/2018 23:55

You light candles and put music on for supper? I mean there’s nothing wrong with that it’s just the first time I’ve heard of it

Yes, I do and I even do it for myself.

It is so rare for my 22 year old daughter to come out with us, and I hoped the evening would be special but basically they both spent 90% of it on their phones. Daughter texting friends/boyfriends .. whatever, OH looking at fucking football sites and his Facebook.

Live is short and when we are on our deathbeds we aren't going to be reminiscing about all the hours we wasted reading shite online ... we are going to be thinking about our loved ones.

Tonight could have been so different if they'd both put their fucking phones down .. but the truth is they are addicted.

OP posts:
stickytoffeevodka · 12/01/2018 23:57

I don't understand people rushing around after other people who clearly don't give a fuck.

I went to the pub with my partner and he had his head stuck in his phone I would ask him once to stop, then leave if he continued. I certainly wouldn't go home and rush around cooking dinner with music and candles!

I don't get it Confused

TW1984 · 13/01/2018 00:00

Did you actually ask them to put their phones away? Or help?
I don't think you're being unreasonable to a certain extent, although if you've let it get to this stage without explaining to them how you were feeling, then maybe things could have been handled better...

PriaMaicel · 13/01/2018 00:00

I tend to ignore aggressive drunks too, stick to soft drinks next time when you're at the pub.

Original poster
Fontella · 13/01/2018 00:04

Why did you run around doing everything while they sat on their backsides? I would have pointed them in the direction of the kitchen, poured myself a drink and plonked myself on the sofa - no way would I run around cooking for someone who was more interested in their phone than me

Yeah, I know and I'm a strong, ballsy woman so I've still not figured out how I do revert to homemaker/servant/skivvy a lot of the time.

Tonight made me realise why I need to stop all that shit.

They are looking at stuff on their phones while I cook the food, create the ambience .... but I have a real passion (military history) which I get very little time for. I know that sounds weird for a female but I don't get a helluva lot of time to explore/study it. At the moment I'm on an American Civil War exploration ... so I would have loved to spend an evening on youtube watching videos, reading the books I've got out of the library instead of waiting on those two.

And while I'm typing this they are still sat down there talking, so presumably the phones weren't that compelling. It's only me they choose to ignore.

OP posts:
MadMags · 13/01/2018 00:06

I think it's relevant because if she's drunk, and they've said something about her settling down in the morning, then there's a possibility the situation appears differently from their point of view.

Either way, I still don't get why one adult was going to all that trouble and two were sitting on their arses. I just wouldn't do it. I don't know anyone who would!

MrsHathaway · 13/01/2018 00:06

You need to enforce phone stacking.

When out, first to retrieve their device pays.

When in, first to retrieve their device washes up and cleans the kitchen.

Failing that, while they're engrossed, hide all the chargers. And I do mean all.

FrancisUnderwood · 13/01/2018 00:06

Is it candles and music EVERY NIGHT? I mean, even if you're just having dippy egg and soldiers or oven chips and spaghetti shapes?

Although the phone thing IS rude, hosting a formal dinner arrangement every single night is a bit too far the other way, a bit.....formal.

MadMags · 13/01/2018 00:07

And the ambiance stuff is a bit OTT! That was probably a bit odd too.