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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to fucking explode at partner and daughter on their mobile phones ..

230 replies

Fontella · 12/01/2018 23:26

ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Went out to the local pub this evening the three of us - rare in itself - and they are texting and looking - all the fucking time while we are sat in the pub.

Came back home and I'm cooking supper and preparing everything and the two of them are sat at the table completely engrossed in their phones while I run around like a blue arsed fly laying the table, trying to chat, preparing salad, pouring drinks for everyone, lighting candles, putting on the music - I might as well be a waitress.

I just flipped out - not sure where that came from - and they both looked at me like I was a mad woman and so I came upstairs and the two of them are sat down there eating the food I fucking cooked!

I don't want to share a room with people whose whole focus is a little battery operated handset. I want to talk, laugh, engage, have conversation, interact, enjoy the food, listen to the music .. but I might as well have been nobody tonight because that is how they both treated me.

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 15/01/2018 07:16

But have they even apologised for their behaviour?! I've read the whole thread waiting for the update 'they were so apologetic in the morning they took me out for lunch and we chatted for hours' but nothing!!

ElphabaTheGreen · 15/01/2018 07:25

If she wanted the thread deleted, she's not coming back I'd say.

Shineystrawberrylover · 15/01/2018 07:26

Good luck. Phone addicts are possibly the most entitled useless people I see out and about. I have this image of them being aimless inanimate objects (like balloons) being pulled through life by people with more drive. They're everywhere, being asked questions over and over again.
If it's any use "no tech at the table" is a fairly easy rule to enforce. Limiting everyone's screen time is good for their physical and mental health.

DoormatBob · 15/01/2018 07:35

A couple if times recently DW has put one sock on then gone back to her phone for a few minutes before the second. I'm at the end of my tether with it, everything takes so long as she is permanently attached to her phone and facebook

MistressDeeCee · 15/01/2018 08:00

There's a similar thread to this one also running, about a DH ignoring his wife in favour of online. Its an addiction but not yet widely recognised as such - I have a mind it will be, very soon. What will entitled phone users who completely ignore people they're supposed to be living and building a life with, in favour of screen time totally preoccupied with the doings of other people, do then?

I expect the next phase of posts on this will be "S/he's being controlling for suggesting limiting screen time to engage with family life". Anything but admit to and recognise the real issue

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/01/2018 08:44

I agree with that, MistressDeeCee; it is really pathetic that some people are so addicted to their phones that they've lost sight and sense of what is reasonable and what is polite. If I were the OP I wouldn't be doing anything for either of these selfish adults any more. They didn't even leave her any food. How much more of a wake up call is needed?

Longer term I would be looking at making a life for myself - staying or leaving as OP chooses - but not revolving my life around a family that doesn't care. OP said she's tried and tried and I'm not at all doubting that she has, it must be soul-destroying to have a family that can't/wont converse and I wouldn't put up with it.

Any posters that come on to say that OP is controlling for trying to limit screen time will be entirely inaccurate because whilst she might indeed by trying to do that, she will not be able to achieve it, nothing will change at all.

I loath technology of any kind around mealtimes and we don't have it. I feel fro the wave of parents who are allowing little ones to play with their ipads 'to keep them quiet'. That is how it's going to be.

We'd lose any war that started now because so many can't take their eyes off a screen for fear of missing a FB 'like'. What the hell happened?

JaneyEJones · 15/01/2018 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CremeFresh · 15/01/2018 09:37

I agree that it is an addiction for some people. I know of one person who has been in a mental health facility because they were so addicted to an X box that they refused to leave their room , eat or speak. This is obviously an extreme case, but you only have to watch a teen go into melt down because they can't find their phone to see that this will be a problem in the future.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/01/2018 09:46

This thread is mad. Op has entirely reasonably got pissed off with rude behaviour and people pile into attach her for using candles, doing all the work, god knows what.
When did kindness go out of fashion? I do genuinely wonder if engagement with the digital world is blunting peoples empathy.

FinallyHere · 15/01/2018 10:22

I do genuinely wonder if engagement with the digital world is blunting peoples empathy.

Certainly, in the digital world, we can find interaction with people and things which can seem to be much more compelling that the people immediately around us. My iPad started as a substitute for DH, when he was traveling a lot. Now, it provides me entertainment, MN, I can even sometimes do enough work to avoid having to visit site....

We need to remind ourselves of the value of real life interaction. Having someone throw a strop just when you are replying to an interesting thread, as the OP appeared to do, is just going to feel like a distraction. Better to discuss and agree the rules that work for you together. We have a long lunch out on Saturdays with iPads, otherwise meals are screen free and any meals with visitors are also screen free.

In OPs case, I would count DD as a 'visitor' so no screens, but i think that getting an agreement in place with DH , which stops you feeling taken for granted, is key for OP.

scaryteacher · 15/01/2018 10:31

Julie My 22 year old will go out for a drink with me and talk to me, as he knows being on his phone when in company is bloody rude. I am also not 'elderly'. Don't be so ageist.

MaryMcCarthy · 15/01/2018 12:27

I've only read up to the bit where the daughter and husband went to bed, but I'm confused as to how you can call the situation resolved?

You were BOILING with rage. Then your daughter and husband went to bed, without talking to you. You've not even told them why you were upset.

How on earth is that resolved?

FinallyHere · 15/01/2018 13:34

How on earth is that resolved?

In the mind of someone who bottles up rage only for it to explode occasionally, I suppose it might be seen as resolved for this time, because no-one is reacting. I would encourage the OP to have a calm chat with her DH, to decide and agree what it would take for the feelings of being taken for granted to be resolved, and start from there.

oatmilk4breakfast · 16/01/2018 10:14

Internet companies spend actual fortunes making it as addictive as possible. They are actually addicted.

Peach1818 · 13/12/2020 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EurosprogBauble · 13/12/2020 11:19

@Peach1818

You have posted on a very old thread and will likely get replies which address the original OP.

You need to start your own thread for advice and maybe report your post above so that MN can delete it for you.

Peach1818 · 13/12/2020 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WildfirePonie · 13/12/2020 11:47

Just realised this thread is over 2 years old... Wonder how things are now?

TillyTopper · 13/12/2020 11:52

I understand why you're mad, and ideally they should help you without being asked. But why not just prompt them? "Could you lay the table please", "Can you give me a hand with X" "Can you suggest a film for this evening". I have 2 teenage DS, they don't always offer to help but if I ask (nicely obv) they jump to it.

DDiva · 13/12/2020 12:22

The thing is you've exploded without warning and now left them to it.

I would have told them to get the table ready, pour me a drink and allocate cooking jobs if required. It's great if they could do it without asking but a little prod dosnt hurt.

SmudgeButt · 13/12/2020 13:21

Next time they do it ask to see their phones (both at once) and put the phones in the freezer.

Second offence they go in the bin, and then pour bacon fat on top.

EurosprogBauble · 13/12/2020 13:29

It's almost 3 years ago.

I expect things have moved on.

Original poster
Fontella · 18/12/2020 14:14

Things have moved on indeed!

I binned the boyfriend a few months after this thread and have been happily single ever since.

My daughter has graduated and is now in her final year of training to be a Science teacher and rarely if ever, gets her phone out when we are spending time together, so it's win, win all round!

x

OP posts:
singingsoprano · 18/12/2020 15:10

Well done, Fontella {Flowers}

BarbaraofSeville · 18/12/2020 15:16

@WildfirePonie

Just realised this thread is over 2 years old... Wonder how things are now?
The age of the thread is given away in the OP when she talks about going to the pub and then coming home for a meal. Almost no-one will be doing that in the UK right now.