To think having sex as a female is dangerous

[Bumsnetnetbums]

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

I'm not trying to sound like as sexpert at all, far from it. Whatever that is anyway!

People are well well aware of issues that can arise from sex. You aren't telling anyone anything they don't know already but you are very OTT in your beliefs.

penis can literally be like gun which shoots you

Will remember this next time DH asks for a blow job

Grey. I would. Better than having a headache.

Wow op, and first post. The side effects for women is a lot worse and sometimes outweighs the positive.
It's true that the diseases affect women a lot more. More heterosexual women contract hiv compared to heterosexual men even though they the men spread the most among their sexual groups.

The act of having sex itself can be dangerous. The tears women can have is part of the negative in having sex.

So the uni-obvious natural of control that comes with sex. From prostitution, rape, sexual abuse, relationship control through sex.

I can see your point and I haven't even read the whole thread.

Nick perhaps ott. Maybe we are at polar ends of a spectrum?
It is interesting to see people's views though. We are all determined by our experiences.
The thread started off as a bit of a joke but as it has progressed there is some interesting debate.
I suppose some people are less frightened of the points i made. My sister and her husband seem very happy but you never know behind closed doors
For a variety of reasons i will never have sex again. I am 41 andrelieved not to have take part in the big bloody game that is dodge the dickhead and try to find a respectful and monogamous one.
Probably more chance of winning the lottery tbh.

Quencher yes exactly that. 100% clearer than what i have been trying to say.
Eloquently put thank you.

Bumsnet

There’s nothing wrong with that imo. The fact that we have (at least legally) the right to decide whether we want to have sex is empowering imo.

But I a man curious...were you ever in a sexual relationship where you were in control / knew that you could stop it at any time even without the cooperation of your partner? (Consensually, obviously!)

*But I am...

This is a very odd thread. Yes, unprotected sex increases your risk of cancer.
So does smoking, drinking alcohol, living in London with it's air pollution and having too much sugar...and so on and so on.
And yes, some sex is coercive and most sexual attackers are men, but it's still a tiny percentage of sexual activity which is consensual as a whole.
Some of us genuinely just like sex, including anal and oral. If you're sensible about protection and careful about your partners, risk is hugely reduced and not that common.
Completely agree with the argument that boys should also be getting the hpv vaccine though. DS is a few years too young but I'll definitely be getting it for him privately if it's not on the NHS when the time comes.

Winchester why odd? It is the forgotten truth missing from all the 'he had an affair what shall i do' threads. The responses are always het your ducks in a row, SHL , make copies etc. Never get your cervix checked tho. Even though its the most important.

Most of those threads advise sexual health screening.

OP, you have raised a good point that women need to take heed of in order to protect themselves as much as they can.

In agreement with @Bumsnetnetbums and also @Donkeyskin posts

I hear you.

So the uni-obvious natural of control that comes with sex. I don't remember what i was meant to say here. But it's obvious how the act of sex affects women. Sex is the reason why women are mistreated by men. Sex is a means by which women are objectified.
Another side effect of sex is children. Another means by which women are controlled in society as whole. Mother hood can stifle growth and independence. It could be argued as one of the reason why women feel behind and men managed to take over as they don't have the burden of carry anchild for nine months, then breast feed. Patriarchy was built on the back of sex and it's side effects. You control it, you control women as group. Sexual laws favour men and their health compared to women. Abortion laws does not favour women. Rape victims are not treated badly.

Cultures have managed to create taboos which affect women more and it is always used as means to control women, from their libidos to how they act in society. Sex has been used as mean to control how women view breast. Creating control and dictating its purpose and we have to re-educate on the benefits of breast feeding.
Sex has been used as means for controlling women leading to FGM.
Most of the means by which females are controlled in society falls under ways in which men want to control their supply of sex and protect their offspring while they can spread it whichever way they like.

Sex! Sex! Sex! It's not the problem but it had been used as means to control. I am not blaming sex! But sex has not been a woman's best friend.

Absolutely this ^^.

quencher excellent - if utterly depressing - post.

Not to mention that males are bigger and stronger and therefore usually easily able to overpower us should they wish to inflict other harms.

And the reason why we are not stronger is because of the oestrogen. And the only reason why we have them is because of potential pregnancy in womanhood and we used to only get pregnant as result of sex (now ivf. It still does not take the whole process out and how the female is affected)

Well done @DonkeySkin as i have just got your post. You and me got what the op was trying to say. I really love your post. Especially the quoted ones below.

I note that many have chosen to focus on this observation as a particular point of ridicule, which I find telling, because men have been comparing their penises to weapons forever
the penis is a weapon, especially in its ability to force unwanted pregnancy on women it does not just apply to rape but a lot of ways men force their will upon women.

Get to know someone before dropping your knickers
What a vile woman shaming comment.
Truth!
You can do everything right as woman, what your partner does sexually can still affect you. It does not take multiple cheating for them to catch a disease.

Rape victims are not treated badly. Correction. Rape victims are treated badly. Not listened to. Most rapes are not reported. Majority of women are suffering pain and fear down to sex, (rape, sexual abuse/assault).

Our fear of men when walking down the road at night is mostly down to what they might do sexually.
Our fear of buglers and sleeping with weapons under our bed are mostly not about what they will steal but what they will when they come to burgle our houses.

How can anyone go on holiday given what can happen?

Crashing planes. And how to get to the airport ... drive, that's the most dangerous. Taxi - then the driver could be anyone.

And the dangers when you're there .... sun stroke, food poisoning. Having to use strange facilities with unknown people.

Then political instability, terrorist attacks on tourists and so forth.

If you list the risks of an activity then obsess about them, you can give yourself a sense of danger that is completely out of proportion.
More discussion just adds to that unreality.

The truth is that there are tens of thousands of women within a few miles of where you're living. They've been having sex for many years and their very existence is testament to the lack of life threatening consequences.

@quitealotlost
It is depressing that most of our problems revolves around sex even if it's not mentioned or said. It's hard to deny that it controls our lives even if we agree with op's point of view or not. It's there as a weapon.

@NoFanJoe look at the power of sex rather than simple things that change. Sex is part of societies power structure. If I was to draw a diagram based on the structure of what society looks like. I would put sex in middle. Not because I value sexual but the power it has and a means to which it's used control all areas and keeping women in check.

Then political instability, terrorist attacks and not forgetting religious doctrines.( Half of these in each of those categories control of female sexuality.

I got what you said. I am not twisting your post. I can see how they can be viewed as bigger issues. It just reminded me how they use sex in those areas as means to control women.

I caught chlamydia as a teen with a condom. Luckily it was picked up as my gp was part of a screening trial, otherwise I could have had long term issues.
None of the three potential culprits wanted to get tested to see if they had given it to me
OP YANBU

This is from the avert website. Sometimes it's not about the ability to have a checkup or being able to afford a condom. I have posted a snippet of it but over all, he power dynamics in society plays apart.

"Since the start of the global HIV epidemic, women have been disproportionately affected by HIV in many regions. Today, women constitute more than half of all people living with HIV.1 AIDS-related illnesses remain the leading cause of death for women of reproductive age (15-44).2

Young women (10-24 years), and adolescent girls (10-19 years) in particular, account for a disproportionate number of new HIV infections. In fact, young women are twice as likely to acquire HIV as their male counterparts.3 In 2015, 20% of new HIV infections among adults were among women aged 15-24 despite this group only accounting for 11% of the global adult population.4 This equates to some 7,500 young women across the world acquiring HIV every week.5

In East and Southern Africa young women will acquire HIV five to seven years earlier than their male peers.6 In 2015, there were on average 4,500 new HIV infections among young women every week, double the number in young men.7 In west and central Africa, 64% of new HIV infections among young people in 2015 occurred among young women.8 The difference is particularly striking in Cameroon, Côte d’Ivoire and Guinea where adolescent girls aged 15–19 are five times more likely to be infected with HIV than boys of the same age.9

Even in regions such as Eastern Europe and Central Asia, where the population most affected by HIV is injecting drugs users, the majority of whom are men, women make up a rising proportion of people living with HIV. In Russia, for example, the number of young women living with HIV aged 15-24 is double that among men of the same age.10"

HIV disproportionately affects women and adolescent girls because of their unequal cultural, social and economic status in society.12

Intimate partner violence, inequitable laws and harmful traditional practices reinforce unequal power dynamics between men and women, with young women particularly disadvantaged. HIV is not only driven by gender inequality, but it also entrenches gender inequality, leaving women more vulnerable to its impact.13

If anyone is interested
www.avert.org/professionals/hiv-social-issues/key-affected-populations/women
3

The poorest women are the biggest victims since they have no choice having to rely on a man for living. This occurs often in 3rd world countries where men assert dominance using sex. In India I read that women realise they have HIV when their husbands become ill or they hear rumours. Pneumonia is a pseudonym for AIDS which protects the family from stigma. But all the while, the wives neevously continues shagging their men because if they didnt, their babies wiukd not be fed.
Still happens here but replace rice and clean water for a mortgage or school fees.
Men and their penises have conrolled and harmed women since forever. They know this. They just know that they can do whatever they like because either the woman isnt assertive. Or she is giggly and schoolgirl, and likes a bit of 'makin love'.
It really isnt funny.
And yes a plane crash happens often but it isnt the same. Because the abuse of womens bodies is never seen as a disaster or tragedy. It isnt an isolated incident. It happens on every street in the world.
Thats a lot of streets

Tuberculosis another way of recording Aids deaths.
And no Hiv doesnt mean death. You wouldnt want it though would you?

bear with me here, I struggle to get my thoughts on this out but I'll give it a shot

the penis is a weapon

Dick pics. Who has ever been sent or know someone who as been sent one? This is one way men try to shock, disgust and unnerve women. I do not for one second believe men send them to turn on women. They do it to turn themselves on and to assert their dominance.

A picture is mostly harmless by itself but to send a picture of your dick when you are the oppressor to a woman who is oppressed is another form of attack and control. Think about it and how you feel if you've ever been sent one.

Me, I've blocked whoever sends them because to challenge a man would get me called frigid or any kind of abuse. I have stopped challenging men who do this.

Even the language around the 'almighty' penis is positive, weaponised eg shoot your load but for men thats empowering. When its used as an insult its not nearly as powerful to call someone a dick as it is to call them a cunt iyswim.

The Penis itself has its own piece of law if used for violence - rape.

Men get their penises out in public to flash women. Why? to get off on the fact women are scared/humiliated etc

The penis is used for control, to assert dominance, even amongst men themselves the penis is used to some extent for their place in the pecking order. A man with a large penis and a lot of females is looked up to by other men compared to the man with a smaller one and few females who are often taken the piss out of. A big penis is a sign you can get lots of women. Lots of women = more control. You just have to dip into online forums from men talking about this to see it for yourselves.

I struggle to unpick it all myself and hope I've made sense with my rambling!