Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think having sex as a female is dangerous

442 replies

Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 11:12

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

OP posts:
Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 18:20

Re stealthing.
Minimising description.
Sex where a man rips or removes a condom deliberately during sex is rape. The man is a rapist

OP posts:
FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 12/01/2018 18:23

That’s great :)
And in the nicest way possible: You could have simply taken it as me sharing my point of view in response to your comment...

KindDogsTail · 12/01/2018 18:27

Someone I know nearly dies of cancer from HPV earlier in her life. Another lost her baby as a still birth because of treatment for this.

There can be very unpleasant UTIs condom or not.

Birth itself can cause life-long difficulties some more minor than others but still a nuisance.

Here is a list of STD you can get with a condom.
HPV (human papillomavirus)

HPV is the most common STI; there are over 100 strains of the virus. Some strains of HPV go unnoticed and seem to cause no symptoms at all, while others can cause genital warts or various cancers. Because genital warts can be on parts of the genitals that are not covered by a condom, especially female condoms, HPV can be spread via skin-to-skin contact. What’s worse– there is no male STD test for HPV and many cases show no symptoms, so it is often passed on unknowingly to partners.
Genital herpes

Genital herpes is a viral STD that typically results in sores or lesions on the genitals, anus or upper thighs. A case of either HSV-1 or HSV-2 is called genital herpes when it affects the genitals or the genital area. Since lesions or sores can occur on parts of the genital region that is exposed during condom use, it can be spread from partner to partner.
Syphilis

Syphilis is a highly contagious bacterial infection that spreads through sexual contact, including oral, vaginal, and anal sex. Syphilis sores occur at the infection site, and can be contracted by a partner via skin-to-skin contact regardless of condom use.
Public Lice/Crabs

Pubic lice, also known as crabs, are Pthirus pubis that infect the genitals. These lice are most common among teens and are typically spread during sexual, skin-to-skin contact. Pubic lice can live among public hair and can be spread whether or not a condom is used.
Molluscum Contagiosum

Molluscum contagiosum causes small red or pink raised bumps to form on the body. These firm bumps sometimes have a concave appearance and are painless. When they occur on the genitals from skin-to-skin contact with an infected individual it is considered an STI.

Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 18:38

I expecy nick will post some photos of her sex dungeon shortly.

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 12/01/2018 18:39

Come to think of it I actually remember my teacher in school during sex ed saying you couldn't get stds if you used condoms. Obviously I know different now but lots of people obviously believe it (a pp can't remember who mentioned her friend getting herpes because her ex cheated on her and didn't use a condom but condoms don't protect against herpes anyway.)

And regarding the oral sex but my ex once said he would never be in a relationship with a woman that didn't give oral sex so I definitely think people would feel pressured into doing it anyway as oral sex is a big thing for most men (certainly the ones I met.)

Nicknacky · 12/01/2018 18:42

So because someone admits likening anal (as did Freddie, by the way) which is a normal sexual act then they must be into hardcore s&m? I think you have a massive issue with sex if that is your automatic thought process op.

You seem to be implying anal sex is some kind of deviant act to be ashamed of?

TooGood2BeFalse · 12/01/2018 18:45

OP are u ok?

Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 18:48

No nicky what i am commenting on is the aggressive points you are making to prove the very specific sex you are having in a response to the suggestion sex is damaging to health. I dont have a massive issue with sex nor is my thought process flawed. Thanks though Grin

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/01/2018 18:50

You clearly have a massive issue with sex, that is evident. And I rarely do my deviant behaviour these days you will be relieved to know.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 12/01/2018 18:54

There’s nothing wrong with sex dungeons (imo), btw.

Or simply a space explicitly meant for sexual activities etc.

Also good for sleepy hygiene, I’ve heard.

And regarding the oral sex but my ex once said he would never be in a relationship with a woman that didn't give oral sex so I definitely think people would feel pressured into doing it anyway as oral sex is a big thing for most men (certainly the ones I met.)

I wish more people responded with “sure, if you get tested!”

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 12/01/2018 18:54

*sleep hygiene

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 12/01/2018 18:56

Anyhow, back to the OP:

YANBU. And I’m rather ‘sex positive’ (or however one wants to put it.)

roomsonfire · 12/01/2018 18:56

nicky anal isn't deviant. no one suggested that. You did.

it isn't a typical part of everyones sex life however. This article from 2016 www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/06/anal-sex-heterosexual-couples-report_n_1190440.html shows that only 36% of women have had anal sex at least once. Only 36% and there isn't a breakdown of how many have only had it once and how many enjoy it as a regular thing. I suspect the 'regular part' thing is less than 36%.

Though back to the deviant thing, I know a lot of people do get off on anal purely because it is thought of as deviant, wrong, sinful etc.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 12/01/2018 18:57
Grin
FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 12/01/2018 18:57

Rooms

know a lot of people do get off on anal purely because it is thought of as deviant, wrong, sinful etc.

That’s how I used to feel about bacon and pork 😂

Nicknacky · 12/01/2018 18:58

room clearly I know it isn't deviant behaviour. I have said repeatedly that it is a normal sexual act between consenting couples. Honestly people try twist every word you say!

It's the op that then linked anal sex with sex dungeons.

roomsonfire · 12/01/2018 19:01

That’s how I used to feel about bacon and pork 😂

kink scene would've been a lot more pleasant with group bacon sarnie eating Grin

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 12/01/2018 19:02

I think it was your comment about liking pain that made her think of sex dungeons, tbh...

NameChanger22 · 12/01/2018 19:03

I agree with the OP. Sex is not worth the hassle. I haven't had sex for 10 years. I'm much happier without the mess, worry about STDs, stress about the possibility of unwanted pregnancy, contraceptive failures, problems of partners who want and expect sex all the time, increased risk of cancer etc. And I'm not missing out on anything because there are only repulsive men in my city.

Some people can put up with all of that, I can't. I'd much, much rather drink a coffee and watch Netflix.

roomsonfire · 12/01/2018 19:04

Yep. Pain during sex isn't typical and often associated with BDSM and kink thus the link to sex dungeons. Few people are into pain during sex.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 12/01/2018 19:04

kink scene would've been a lot more pleasant with group bacon sarnie eating grin

Oh gosh... now I’m picturing panty-clad hunks sitting in a circle and devouring bacon burgers 😂

Nicknacky · 12/01/2018 19:06

I don't think I can comment anymore about pain in case the op accuses me of being hardcore again lol!

NameChanger22 · 12/01/2018 19:07

I'm so happy that I have a roof over my head, without having to sleep with a man to make sure that happens. Lots of women don't have that luxury.

Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 19:11

No 'massive issues' here. Im pointing out health issues. Youre falling over yourself to sound like a sexpert i dont care what youre into so long as you enjoy it (quietly)...lol!!

OP posts: