To think having sex as a female is dangerous

[Bumsnetnetbums]

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

My apologies, I had herpes on my mind as that was what I was referring to and failed to notice it had changed to warts during the conversation and inadvertently referred to it in my post.

I'm certainly not confused as to the difference. Must trying to read too many threads at once!

There are 40 HPV strains, not all of the cause problems

High-risk HPV strains include HPV 16 and 18, which cause about 70% of cervical cancers. Other high-risk HPV viruses include 31, 33, 45, 52, 58, and a few others.

Low-risk HPV strains, such as HPV 6 and 11, cause about 90% of genital warts, which rarely develop into cancer.

The scary thing is the lack of symptoms.... some have non at all...

I agree that having sex can be dangerous and that the normalisation of anal sex and oral sex do nothing to help. How many men use dental dams before they give their partner oral sex? How many women insist their partner wear a condom before they give their partner oral sex? Are people being honest when they say they do this, given the number of people who apparently can't even cope with a bit of hair, let alone a joy killing bit of latex? How quickly would sexual health clinics be overwhelmed if it were any more than a vanishingly tiny minority of women who went in for regular, comprehensive sexual health check ups??? Or who got themselves checked after every single risky sexual encounter? What proportion of people who use condoms actually use them properly? Do some people really believe a condom, even if used properly, can provide full protection from all sexually transmitted infections?! What proportion of teenagers can always rise above peer pressure and their own stage in brain development to refuse to engage in something they think may be risky but are being told everyone does it these days and that the risks are exaggerated by adults who want to spoil your fun? How many teenagers manage to convince themselves that if they are having sex with another young person, they can't have picked any infections up yet, so it must be OK, or that if they don't do what is expected, they may become so uptight about it they never have sex? How many people have never let themselves be pressured into doing something they felt uncomfortable with?

People have got so used to a world with effective antibiotics and medical advances that I think a lot of people have become too careless, assuming that most things are easily treatable and merely a bit embarrassing, without realising that this is not always the case and that they will not always get noticeable symptoms (until they try to conceive). There are many reasons for a growing number of people having fertility issues, increasing age amongst them, but sexually transmitted infections having caused damage to internal organs are known to be a factor in a growing proportion of cases (maybe partly because the older you are before you start actively trying to get pregnant, the more chances you will have had to get an infection in the first place!).

Not sure what can be done about it, though - life without sex literally wouldn't be very productive!

Oh, some experts apparently say 80% of people in America and Europe have been exposed to HHV1. So, even if you’ve never had a cold sore: You might still infect your partner!!

oral herpes can infect the genital areas (and even the buttocks, legs etc).

The good news is that people who already have oral herpes (HHV1) are very unlikely to get a case of genital HHV1. Because they built up immunity.

There’s actually an interesting idea. Apparently the drop of children being infected (orally) with HHV1 may explain the increase of genital HHV1 cases.

Posted too soon... Gardasil protects against 4 types of HPV: types 16, 18, 6 and 11. ... that still leaves a lot of other strains unprotected against... there are also 60 other types of HPV which are non genital...

Instead of this blanket, stupid celebration of anything that gets men off under the guise of 'sex positivity', or endless iterations on 'consent' education, I'd really like to see feminists engage with notions of pleasure and harm in female sexuality: specifically, what would a sexual culture that discouraged harm to women look like? To do that we would first of all have to admit that male and female reproductive biology do not confer equal physical vulnerability and therefore men and women are not interchangeable social actors in sexual encounters or LT relationships.

from donkey skin pg 3. I've rarely heard clearer thinking. Except occasionally on the Feminist Board.

All this pressure to have sex benefits men more than women and girls, and it is part of this highly sexualised society and rape culture.

How does having sex benefit men more than women? I almost get the impression on this thread that women aren't supposed to enjoy sex unless it is for procreation!

I said pressure to have sex.

Perhaps you should have a look at modern porn on the internet and the issues around male teenagers expecting girls to do anal. Expecting. And thinking that girls experiencing pain is just normal and they enjoy it really.

Woman can and do enjoy anal sex. Hell, I instigate it! I won't dispute that modern day porn has made it more mainstream but let's not pretend that woman DONT enjoy anal. Painful or not, I love it.

Sex benefits men more than women because it has much fewer consequences for men. They don't even need to worry about cleaning up so much. They don't get the social stigma around it, the business about being frigid if you won't and a whore if you do. Rarely do they need to worry about rape. It isn't a source of shame at all. They don't have to feel in anyway devalued by it or the issues around it. They don't have to worry that they are only valued for their ability to have sex and be sexually attractive and as soon as they get older and less sexually attractive society does not value them any more. And they never have to worry about pregnancy. Nor do they feel any negative impact from childbirth - men who are fathers are usually considered more positively than men who aren't, whereas the reverse is true for women. They can walk away from children more easily and face fewer consequences for doing so. Is that enough for a starter?

nick

I like anal sex but it’s honestly never been painful. Lube, preparation, relaxation...
But, tbh, I prefer to be the one doing the penetrating. So yeah, there’s that.

some so you never have sex then? I think quite honestly, you are thinking too deeply about the physical act between two consenting partners. I wouldn't have sex if I dramatised it that much!

freddie I actually like feeling pain!

You love pain nicknacky?

That's up to you of course - consenting adults and all that. But bear in mind that by going on about it in public you're contributing to an environment where men assume that should be normal for all women. I seriously resent anyone contributing to an environment where my dd should feel pressured to experience pain distress and humiliation because 'that's just what's normal, suck it up'.

It's no accident that 'suck it up' and 'being shafted' are sexual terms.

Everyone saying just use a condom has obviously never been stealthed.

nick

That’s not unusual. But it’s risky in the case of anal sex.

There is a definitive risk of anal incontinence. And it’s usually assumed to have a strong correlation with rough anal sex, anal trauma, fissures etc. Pain is a very good ‘signal’....

I always tell DH to tell me if something hurts during anal.

And I’d be very cross if he... failed to mention it. But that’s just my personal opinion.

Just seen roomsonfire's post. Sorry you went through that. My stealther gave me chlamydia.

some Liking pain is far from unusual, not sure why you would be surprised that different people like different things?

And how am I "going on about it" and contributing to anything? And are you honestly saying I'm contributing to any pressure your daughter feels? Should I be saying I only have sexy if it is in the missionary position for the purpose of procreating? Or are women not allowed to have an opinion on their own sexual enjoyment?

I have never heard "suck it up" as a sexual term, by the way

freddie in the nicest possible way, I'm a 39 year old sexually experienced woman who has anal sex very occasionally. I don't need advice on how to do it safely. I'm well aware.

I’ve had a lot of sex, with a lot of partners and because I take respond for my sexual health (condoms and regular testing) I’ve managed not to get a single STI. Who would have thought it?

Not sure what graphic and angry posts are trying to achieve nick. Most women like sex. Some like anal-youre hardly unique in that regard. But like it or not anal sex is -infection wise- riskier. The rectum has many blood vessels which easilt burst making bloodborne viruses transmittable. Plus the fecal matter requires careful hygiene. And yy to lube when starting off. Dry anal is horrible for a first time. Teenagers wont know to use lube. They will expect the same as a vagina.
Someoldfogey
Excellent points.

Nicky are you trying to make a point about beind hardcore?!!

waz thank you. what a shit! Honestly, these men exist in plain sight and I bet with yours he was like mine 'decent' until that point. No red flags or alarm bells?

What is graphic and angry by pointing out woman can enjoy anal? Another poster brought it up, not me. I'm certainly not angry.

Hopefully teens will learn how to have anal sex carefully and safely if they do choose to do it.

Hardcore?! What have I said that is hardcore? Baffled!