To think having sex as a female is dangerous

[Bumsnetnetbums]

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

Thats it crook it isnt isolated. I have lots of male friends. Imo few men are abusive. But most would be unfaithful no matter what their wives say. My friends have laughed and agreed. They still say they love their partners it's just unfortunate for women and a fact of life. Men see things differently to women. But risky incredibly so wrt to health. You cant trust anyone to respect your health.

Bums - self awareness is a fab trait. Get some. You’re being melodramatic and paranoid. Yes, sex can be risky, yes, men can be arseholes, but you mitigate the risk by using protection and choosing partners wisely. If I was more cynical I’d think you were drunk on a Saturday trying to cause controversy on mum’s net. Slow hand clap, you succeeded

Whatever strong. Not wanting a hand clap. Enjoy your weekend.

strong, that is how a lot of people choose to mitigate. But some of us dont feel that mitigation is adequate

Crook and that is absolutely your prerogative, but it’s a dangerous attitude to pass to your children I’m afraid. Kids need to be taught about sex, how to enjoy it, how to respect themselves and others. Teaching kids , especially girls, that they should be fearful does not empower and will do the exact opposite of what you want. I enjoy sex. I’m very sexually aware. I’ve had casual hook ups and have been in a loving relationship for 15 years. All using protection. No STDs. I put this down to the fact that I’m sexually confident and will be clear upfront as to my likes, dislikes etc...., also luck of course. Have I been in compromising situations, yes. Has that put me off men, no? But it makes me want to ensure that I teach my son the importance of respecting himself and others.

Well thats good though Strong. But its your opinion that teaching kids how to enjoy sex is good. That would have caused outcry tears back. Social norms change. I would expad on my views but you would call me goady.
The other night there was a live engagement thread. I would have posted how pathetic, to me, a woman awaiting proposal is. But i didnt because it would be nasty and spoiled her moment. So no not deliberately anything. Thats why i started my own thread and i have learned from each persons views. If you note i was taken the piss of until peopke looked at the message behind my language. You are free to leave if you dont like my posts. I am not using other peoples posts to vent my views, with the exception of 2 affair threads where i recommended sex health checks.

And do you use condoms in your long relationship (if thats ok to ask?) and why?

Not all men will cheat. I know mine won't. Cheating stems from the relationship not being happy. settled or a lack of mutual respect.

When I have sex with my husband it isn't always making love for either of us, some times it is just pure clothes rip off gratification. That is not a male or female thing.
You seem very against men and there really is no need to be, there are many lovely men out there.

Hi Bums, yes I do use condoms in my marriage as the pill doesn’t agree with me at all and I have no interest in other forms of contraceptive. However, to confirm, I trust my husband implicitly. My previous posts to you have been blunt, probably too blunt and to confirm I actually agree with the essence of your message which (I think) is to manage your own sexual health. However, instilling fear in kids is wrong. It’s about education and empowerment

Strongmummy-I think that was perfectly put.

😂😂😂 This is a joke surely. I haven’t read the full thread because I can’t be bothered lol

Cheating stems from the relationship not being happy. settled or a lack of mutual respect.
I disagree. I had a lot of respect for my partner before he made the decision to cheat. Not so much now. His justification? He thought it was normal for men to have more sexual partners than women.

We were happy in the relationship, and settled - living together 6 years into the relationship. Happy enough that he wanted to stay together.
So with all due respect, your observation is incorrect.

By then crack-not a joke. Unless potentially dying of cervical cancer is? (Yes ott-but to explain the point of the thread to someone cant be arsed to read it).

Thanks strong. Good point.

Agree with fit.
Cheating comes from a sense of entitlement.

Fitbitironic- Then your partner did not have mutual respect for you.

Black. True. But you can never tell if they do until they do somethink tgat demonstrates you dont.
But am thinking of pulling out now as i dont want to turn this into a 'ladies-dont trust your men' thread.

"I shudder at the thought of lovemaking and cringe at women's perception of sex in this way. Men never use those words to describe it!"

Yes, men do. It's exactly how my brother would describe it. And many men and women see sex primarily as a means of establishing and nurturing a close bond, as a way of expressing their love, and feeling loved in return.

"And i am not trying to doubt your relationship indeed i am glad you are happy. But you cannot say for definite he has not had anyone else in all those years. You trust that he hasnt, but that is all."

Surely that is just as true of Abylee's partner? He trusts she hasn't but he can't be sure. Women are unfaithful too. Choosing to be in a longterm relationship means mutual trust.
(Just like any longterm commitment to another human being: children can also break your heart. But we still have them.)

My family has a record of very happy marriages. My grandparents (both sides) were happily married, my parents are still very happily married, my brother is happily married, my IL's were happily married, dh and I am happily married. Now it may of course be true that any one (not just the male!) members of those marriages was in fact a liar and a cheat. But considering that those marriages did give happiness and fun and contentment to the end of their lives to the three couples now deceased and that my parents are in their 80s and still happy, for them the risk was worth taking.

Answers here vary because experience varies. If your first experience of sex leads to warts and biopsies, as it easily can do, then it’s not so much fun is it. Condoms don’t protect. I would advise caution, and yes unfaithfulness is taking a big health risk on someone else’s behalf.

Like all diseases sexual ones have flourished due to indiscriminate activity. Think of say 50 years ago, single mothers were shunned being labelled as 'sl-ts'. Since contraception improved then the sexual revolution has occurred hence the increase in sexual disease. Anyone been to a STD clinic to see how busy they Are? Protection is a must not just against pregnancy but diseases.

But most things you're prattling on about also affect men such as oral cancer and penile cancer. Having an STD can be worse for women but that doesn't mean it isn't bad for men. It's not a sodding competition as to who has it worse.

black it isn't mutual respect if only one side has it. I would agree that he didn't have respect for me or our relationship.

Criticise my posts but dont say im 'prattling' or having a 'sodding competition'.
I think being surrounded by happy marriages makes it easier.
My son came home from school having been asked in pse what they wanted for themselves in the future. He said most wanted to be married. My first thought was 'how fucking depressing' but i didnt say anything. But then my friend said that if their parents have been married its a natural thing.
So yes experience determines belefs.

@fitbittronic- Then you are agreeing with me that there was a lack of mutual respect.

Yes in a way