To think it's not that hard?

[HashBrowns]

There's a girl on my Facebook who's been moaning that she hasn't got time to brush her teeth all day or wash her hair until her DP comes home from work in the evenings because she doesn't have a minute to herself with her baby. Her baby is 5 weeks old, I have 4 dc's and still manage to find time to brush my teeth and have a bath every day. Even if her baby doesn't nap in the day for her (which I doubt when he's 5 weeks, that's pretty much all they do) surely she can stick him in his bouncer fur 10 mins even if it's outside the bathroom door so she can still see him whilst having a wash etc...aibu?

I feel for the new mum being discussed. I'm usually a competent, effective and efficient person in life but having a baby floored me. I couldn't put him down and often got to mid afternoon unwashed and still in my nighty. It just happened like that for the first couple of months until I got into the swing of it. I can remember bursting into years at the baby clinic overhearing another mum boasting that they were up and out before 10am each day with all housework completed. We need to support new mums not slight them.

My first son had silent reflux that lasted a year. From three weeks to five months, he pretty much cried all day long. It was horrific. My day was spent walking five to eight miles while wearing my baby, as he was at least marginally better when out in the fresh air and in motion. So no, I didn’t have time to do anything else unless my husband was there.

Comments on here are shocking. Some of us do just get on with it. I felt incredibly low after ds was born. However I had 2 under 2 and didn't want anyone to think I wasn't coping. Not saying it was the best thing to do but it was my way and it's now a distant memory.

Op tell your fb friend to put baby in the shower with her. Tell her to use a sling. If she's putting it on fb maybe a bit of advice is needed!

Also, she has time to put make up on and do her hair to take pictures of her posing with the baby and upload them.. but can't brush her teeth, hmm.

I don’t think you’re a bad person OP, but starting a thread about a FB post from someone who was probably just exasperated at that moment was a bit daft. You’re probably realising now that many people have that experience, of feeling completely overwhelmed and barely functioning, especially in that first 6 weeks with a new baby. Never mind, you’ve been “told” (and then some! Tough MN crowd tonight!) now, and hopefully should you bump into her you can be more sympathetic.

Do you remember what you felt like when you had DC1? If you have more than one child then you realise how much more difficult it is. But when you have one it is still just as hard as you don’t know the difference. Hope that makes sense?
I have 3DC under 4 and I find it hard to find time to wash etc, but that’s because I prioritise cleaning the house and looking after the children first. Everyone has different priorities. Tbh when I had one and when they napped I would have to choose between 2 hours or sanity and relaxation by sitting on my arse or washing and house work. I chose sitting on my arse!

@hashbrown I think I know what you’re trying to say but it prob came across wrong.

Poor baby! I mean the mum, give her some support!

Poor baby! I mean the mum, give her some support!

That's a bit strong. Plus a bit sickly!

All babies & mums are individuals & I remember with my lb I couldn’t put him down ever for weeks & weeks, he’d only sleep on me. I did need a shower tho & did every day but he screamed the whole time, every day. Managed to shower far less often with the 2nd cos the big one was 3 & couldn’t leave them both without havoc

And don't call her anything other than WOMAN or you might get called a cunt

I remember what it was like never having any time for myself. Yes i did bath or brush my teeth but I could not do it on my own until my youngest went to preschool. give her a break she has only been at this for 5 weeks. Its a shock. she will get there.

But she has time to go on Facebook every day?? That's enough time to clean your teeth. You can surely clean your teeth even if you have the baby in a sling.

**HashBrowns

Also, she has time to put make up on and do her hair to take pictures of her posing with the baby and upload them.. but can't brush her teeth, hmm.

^this Op is the genuine reason why you’re upset with this new Mom! You should have said this in the beginning! It’s paining you that she is able to look very glam on social media but then moans about the struggles of motherhood on the other hand! Welcome to social media !!

She prob is finding it incredibly hard and the brushing teeth statement could just be a hyperbole... honestly!

Why does it even bother you that much to find the time to post this here if she isn’t even a friend ?? If she ain’t a friend and you don’t know anything about her life, what did you expect from us ??Very strange!

It’s very strange OP your circumstances vs hers aren’t a competition. Everyone deals with things differently having a newborn is harder for some easier for others.

Maybe be a little less judgemental and a little more kind, offer advice stop being an arse or delete her if she’s effecting you so badly

My baby couldn't be put down on their back due to medical issues and my PND made me forget how to do basic things so yes YABU. People stopped bothering with me after a while and probably said the same things as you're saying whilst I was alone all day with a baby that constantly screamed and never slept, never bothering to check in on me. But well done you for being a better parent!

OP I kind of feel the same when I read stuff like that.

My 5th baby was a nightmare, she had reflux and she cried and cried. She nearly broke me it was so fucking hard. She did not sleep for longer than 10 minutes at a time in my arms and it took hours to settle her again, she would not let me put her down without going bright red and throwing up. If she was my first I would not have done it again. I had no idea how hard newborns could be until she was born. I look back and don't know how I got through it some days.

I would take her to the bathroom with me in one arm and clean my teeth with her screaming. It was a horrendous time but I did manage to clean my teeth and pee. When mum's say they don't have time to wee or clean their teeth I do think that is an over-exaggeration.

I would be supportive and offer help if this was my friend and if she was struggling. I also wouldn't start a thread on it.

I got depression with one of my children and my hygiene did slip big time as a result, but it wasn't because I didn't have time to do it.

My baby couldn't be put down on their back due to medical issues and my PND made me forget how to do basic things

I do think depression is very different. Not looking after your hygiene because you are suffering with depression is very different than claiming you can't clean your teeth because you have a baby and no time. Been there, done that with depression.

It might not be a priority if you have a baby who is very difficult but it can be done, by taking the baby with you.

OP's 'friend' might be suffering with depression, she could be struggling or she could be over-exaggerating. We don't know which one it is, but if cleaning your teeth is a priority then I don't understand how someone doesn't have time to do it, even if you have to do it one handed, or put baby in sling.

Yes I did clean my teeth but showering had to be done in the evening when DH was at home.

I’m shocked at how awful and horribly unsupportive some people are on this thread. Having suffered severe mental illness in the past, I am fully prepared to think if I have my next baby that I’m pregnant with now, then I will be well supported if I am unlucky enough to get PND.

Mental illness is a dreadful very serious thing, and on top of the stress of a new baby, is something that can completely overwhelm even the strongest person.

I hope some of the PP on here never suffer from serious mental illnsss, and if you do, try to be a bit more sympathetic and understanding of those - especially new mums - who do.

Mental illness is a dreadful very serious thing, and on top of the stress of a new baby, is something that can completely overwhelm even the strongest person.

It absolutely is.

If you have depression or any other type of MH illness it is perfectly understandable why you would find daily tasks like cleaning your teeth difficult or impossible, especially with a newborn. I have been there myself, i'm right there now with my husband.

I think it was one poster who posted something really shitty about MH. It was a disgusting post and she should feel ashamed.

I have seen very little unsupportive horrible posts here towards MH or the woman in the OP though. Maybe I missed something.

It must take as long to post on Fb as it does to brush your teeth? Just saying

@lucylululu

Here here! You’ve worded what I’ve wanted to say for 2 years perfectly!! I feel like everything about parent hood you read is related to all of the negatives and there’s nothing to say that all babies are different and yeah some people are lucky to get an easy baby which I fortunately did. It also grinds my gears when people tell me I deserve me time and time away from my son or when others comment that they bet I can’t wait until the weekend when he stays at his grandparents 🤷‍♀️ He was 2 in october and hasn’t been babysat once and I don’t have any intention of changing it any time soon plus he doesn’t have grandparents 😳 Yes I was blessed with a great baby but I feel that not having a negative feeling to “missing out” on my old life or getting hung up on no nights out etc has made me enjoy every single second of being a mother. I also don’t drink so the constant barrage of items emblazoned with slogans about parenthood and wine drive me batty lol That and being told I couldn’t have a baby naturally and then going on to do just that makes me enjoy it too.

This also isn’t a dig at anyone who finds it stressful, has babies who are unwell, colicky etc. It’s purely pointing out that the mothers who don’t feel that way feel like they cannot say it aloud in fear of being spoken about etc.

Be kind, it rarely hurts. Our ds was a difficult birth and cried and cried if I put him down. He breast fed constantly and truly doubled in weight at age two months; fit one year clothes. Dd was angel and happily napped in her little bed, where ever it was.

First babes are special for most of us. We are usually inexperienced and our emotions are crazy. A person that I did not know was rude and obnoxious to me today bc I voiced an unimportant opinion. After one reply, I realized that I was in a useless conversation so I blocked her and that was it. Your life seems happily fulfilled, why bother to judge someone who is struggling?

How many of us have still not dressed and 'up' by mid afternoon when at home with a new infant. Anyone else been breastfeeding while having a wee? For new mums it can be a haze of exhaustion and it just takes a little while to just settle into it all. And when DP comes home and says 'had a good day?' or 'What have you done all day' don't scream, just pass him the baby and spend the next hour or so on yourself ignoring all sounds form other rooms. If baby cries, let him/her learn to deal with it or you will always be the one holding the baby.