To think it's not that hard?

[HashBrowns]

There's a girl on my Facebook who's been moaning that she hasn't got time to brush her teeth all day or wash her hair until her DP comes home from work in the evenings because she doesn't have a minute to herself with her baby. Her baby is 5 weeks old, I have 4 dc's and still manage to find time to brush my teeth and have a bath every day. Even if her baby doesn't nap in the day for her (which I doubt when he's 5 weeks, that's pretty much all they do) surely she can stick him in his bouncer fur 10 mins even if it's outside the bathroom door so she can still see him whilst having a wash etc...aibu?

I bath every day as I don't have a shower and not whilst my kids are in bed either. Not gonna let myself stink cos I have kids, it's perfectly possible!

I envy you. Within minutes a running a nice warm bath with plenty of bubbles, and I'm just beginning to relax and unwind, ds (7) decides to pick the lock with a coin, crash in and sit down for a poo Swiftly followed by dd (14 months) crawl-walking in after him giggling and dh ranting "give mummy five minutes peace and quiet!" Bathtimes used to be sacred. Not even a locked door stops them now.

I think anyone who isn't suffering from pnd or some sort of mental health issues can do these things...that's where you said is @claraschu

Hippy just because I have that thought, it doesn't mean I would tell my suffering friend. I would try to offer support, obviously.

Do you always tell people every thought about them that goes through your head?

I would say that I probably only say about 5% of the thoughts that go through my head, after I have carefully culled the unhelpful, unkind, boring, judgemental, and repetitive thoughts.

I don't always get it right obviously, but I would certainly be thoughtful enough not to blurt out to a struggling mum: "You should be able to brush your teeth; there must be something wrong".

So she’s not your friend and you have such an issue with her that you’ve come and posted here to try and get other parents to agree that she needs to get her shit together (I’m paraphrasing but the inference is there). I think you have too much time on your hands. Maybe you could use your time to offer classes to show off your clearly superior organisational skills 👍🏻

Dd1 couldn't be put down, she cry herself sick within 5 minutes, which was distressing for both of us. She napped but at that age, only in my arms/on the breast.

As it turns out, she's 4 now, and has some additional needs. You wouldn't have known that when she was a baby though and this could very much be the case with this child.

For what its worth dd2 napped in her moses basket, was happy to be put down awake and rarely cried at all, if she'd come first maybe i would have been as judgemental as you.

I see what you mean OP. I have four ( my three youngest are 4, 23 months and I have a 15 week old). You cope because you have to and it isn't easy, but I manage to have a bath every morning and get dressed before I start my day with them. I was also single with three before I met my partner and had number four.

Sometimes I have no choice but to leave one of them to cry as I have one pair of hands and another one needs seeing to. I don't sit and hold them all day as the house needs tidying, I've got shopping and school runs to do.
But having said all that, your first baby is a massive change and it's hard at first. She needs support and it's not right for us to judge as we don't know her life. It will get easier for her.

I get what your’re saying OP.....why is she posting on fb and not brushing her teeth instead? Duh! My first thought would have been the same! But as im thinking about it more she either wants help/support or that she is simply one of these ‘drama lamas’ that likes to exaggerate. You mention shes not a close friend so either unfollow/unfriend or try and ignore.

I don’t understand at all why people are saying that if you can post on FB you can clean your teeth.
My ds was on reflection a not too difficult but not hugely easy baby. He breastfed for at least one hour out of every 3 round the clock at 5 weeks and cluster fed for hours in the evening/early part of the night. He napped OK but only on me or in a moving buggy or car. I practically lived on FB and WhatsApp as that was what I could do with one hand whilst feeding. I certainly couldn’t clean my teeth while feeding, although I did master things like opening the door!
I took the approach that he had to lay in his sleepyhead on the bathroom floor and cry while I had the worlds quickest shower each day and cleaned my teeth because that mattered so much to me but I certainly didn’t dry my hair, do makeup etc.
It was also easier to go out and get a sandwich or god forbid hot food as I could push him or drive him and he’d sleep then someone would bring me food that I could eat with one hand whilst feeding him. I couldn’t put him down to use two hands to make food. Early on my husband came home to find my breakfast toast on the counter where I’d given up trying to get it buttered 8 hours earlier, I hadn’t eaten anything all day. Later I used to use the sling and walk around the kitchen eating, I couldn’t stop or sit down or he woke and cried. For us he got to 4 months and would suddenly sit in a bouncer for 10 minutes and watch me, it was a revelation!

I see what OP means though, it takes a few minutes to brush your teeth and have a quick shower. She's obviously struggling to a degree if she can't do that. But that's nothing to judge, she could have other issues going on such as depression and thats not for anyone to look down on.

I'm certainly not looking down on her, all I said is that I don't understand it, and to whoever said I was backtracking, I'm not at all, I haven't changed my mind about what I said in my original post whatsoever, I still think the same.
All the people saying I've had it easy? Nope, 4 kids is definitely not easy it's exhausting and stressful, and the boys weren't extremely hard work as babies but definitely not easy either, they both were lactose intolerant and were up all night for the first few months. I'm not insinuating that she's a crap parent or anything of the sort, I just fail to understand why she can't brush her teeth

You fail to understand possible depression and a cry for help.

Up until my DGD was 12 weeks old,my DD wouldn't have had the chance to brush her teeth,have a shower,go to the toilet or even eat in peace if it hadn't been for the fact that either I or her DH were nearly always on hand to help out. It seemed like my DGD didn't stop crying for more than 5 minutes for the first 3 months of her life!

Well it's a good job some of us are so competent and perfect.

I wasn't being horrible at all, I just genuinely don't understand how you can not have time to brush your teeth.

She says she doesn't have time to brush her teeth.

That isn't something you've experienced therefore you don't understand it.

There we are.

Jobs a good 'un.

Yes I'm perfect. Yawwwwnnn! getting boring now. I'm the horrible one yet I've been called names by loads of you here, hmm.

It's just her experience. There's no requirement for you to understand it just to accept that she's saying she's struggling. No further evaluation needed.

I will add having had a December baby it's a particularly miserable time of year for newborns in my experience. It's so miserable and grey, the good days where you're up and raring to go the weather inevitably goes to shit. It can be incredibly isolating.

Spangles, it's good that you were there for her, but not everyone has people for support and people have more than one child. We just have to crack on with things.

Is she a 'girl' or is she a fully grown woman?

I was thinking the same demirose. When you have no one you get on with it, I notice that it's mostly the ones that claim they can't do anything are the ones that have lots of people round to help them.

oh shut up

i mean really. why even make this post. if it's so terrible unfriend or unfollow her and go back to your superior household. how bored you must be.

I have three kids. Nothing has EVER been has hard as those first few months with my first newborn.

@Alittleconcerned1980

Good for you.

I wonder if you'd had a cesarean, three infections and a reflux baby, if you'd have coped well 🤔

I had 2 emergency sections and 2 lactose intolerant babies but still brushed my teeth 🙈 That must make me extra perfect 💪😂