To think it's not that hard?

[HashBrowns]

There's a girl on my Facebook who's been moaning that she hasn't got time to brush her teeth all day or wash her hair until her DP comes home from work in the evenings because she doesn't have a minute to herself with her baby. Her baby is 5 weeks old, I have 4 dc's and still manage to find time to brush my teeth and have a bath every day. Even if her baby doesn't nap in the day for her (which I doubt when he's 5 weeks, that's pretty much all they do) surely she can stick him in his bouncer fur 10 mins even if it's outside the bathroom door so she can still see him whilst having a wash etc...aibu?

[LadyBunnysWig]

What a shitty thread

[HerSymphonyAndSong]

As you’re sorted, maybe you could offer to pop round and hold the baby whilst she has a shower and cleans her teeth?

I’m not someone who posts a lot of statuses on Facebook, but I hope that people will respond with kindness and compassion when I struggle with things after my first baby is born in a few months’ time

[soimpressed]

How smug are you!

[ElenaBothari]

Oh FFS no, posting on Facebook one handed while feeding a baby, or lying down beside a baby, is not the same thing as standing up in a bathroom brushing your teeth while either ignoring a crying baby or holding them one handed while they scream and flail about.

[Tinseltower]

YABU I had lots of childcare experience before I had my first, read all the books, had a good idea of how I was going to do things etc. My dd arrived and she was nothing like I’d ever experienced! She screamed every single time I put her down, unless she had a breast in her mouth. The crib, bouncer and play mat were redundant. She did lie still even on me, constantly wriggling and always needing attention. It was the most draining thing I have ever experienced. Other mums could not understand the problem until they saw her in action! I couldn’t have a bath unless she was in with me. So I can understand some people feeling like her.

Once I had my ds, I was in complete shock as he was a normal baby!

[HerSymphonyAndSong]

I think that sometimes people are expressing the emotional and mental struggles they are having via jokey exaggeration about the physical struggles (though those physical struggles may not be exaggerated either in every case), because those are easier to talk about

[Bumbumtaloo]

Wow! I was lucky my first baby was so easy - slept 12hrs straight from 6wks, never cried to be fed (she made noises like a little kitten) had naps when she should I could go on. Then there was me suffering from PND after a traumatic birth in which we both nearly died and suffering from an infection that was missed. So I didn’t brush my teeth, have a shower, eat and some days not even a cup of tea. All I could do is sit and cry thinking about the what ifs, it was all I could do to look after the baby.

Because your experience of having babies is one way it doesn’t make others experiences wrong.

[AuntLydia]

I found number 1 child really hard despite her being a relatively easy baby. I felt like I could never get anything done. It's a source of amazement to me now as a mum of 3 and a childminder. What was it I found do hard really? Why couldn't I just put her down and get stuff done?! I can't explain it now but I wasn't being some over dramatic martyr. I was probably just a bit overly anxious and over whelmed. Maybe she is too. Try cutting her a bit of slack.

[AtlanticWaves]

Huh. My DS1 was a screamer - severe reflux. Putting him down to do anything was torture.

DS2 snoozed despite his older brother making a racket. Babies are all different.

DS1 was a very difficult baby. Because he was in pain (lactose intolerance diagnosed aged 4 years !)

[needtogiveitablow]

DS cried 18 hours a day from birth with only 5-10 minutes of peace when he would eventually collapse from sheer exhaustion. This was due to an undiagnosed milk allergy that was ignored and disputed by drs til we took him to A&E and demanded help. Plenty of people told us it was normal and just to put him down til I cracked and asked PIL to come round and watch him while I had a shower. They were shocked as all you could do with him was hold him and pace up and down to take the crying down to a semi tolerable level. Not everyone has it easy - maybe a bit of solidarity is in order rather than judging from the sidelines

[RadioGaGoo]

It's a bit sad when you feel that you have to show off to a forum of anonymous people. If judging a new Mum makes you feel better OP, you go right ahead.

[restingbemusedface]

Oh piss off.

[Bumbumtaloo]

Sorry should have also said....
Baby number 2 was the exact opposite of baby number 1, I couldn’t do anything with her because she screamed at everything. She had severe reflux which was only part of her problem. Again personal hygiene went to shit because I couldn’t leave her for a second, I adapted going to the toilet whilst holding her in a certain way which stopped the screaming. She screamed worst whilst in a sling, not all babies like them!

[AtlanticWaves]

Yes I had a friend with 2 DC who told me just to leave him with her (he was 6 months old) and said I mollycoddled him.

I left them for 1 hour. I came back to her looking shell shocked at how much he cried, screamed and puked. She was much more sympathetic afterwards

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Agree that I look back on the early days with DS1 and remember how hard I found it, yet the addition of DS2 to the scenario was nowhere near as tough (despite it now being baby + toddler). The early adjustment can be brutal, so if you can't be kind to her then please don't say anything.

Admittedly if she's still saying it in 4 years then she may be bit of a drama llama (excluding SN obv).

[TeachesOfPeaches]

You sound like an incredible mother. Do you have a handbook I could order?

[Glumglowworm]

YABU

The poor woman is clearly struggling and feeling overwhelmed.

How about offering to go round and help? Or offer some support? Instead of being mean and judging her and inviting MN to judge her as well

[SaucyJack]

Sounds like a perfectly normal new parent moan to me. It's always a shock to your system with the first one to go from pleasing yourself all day to dealing with a screaming ball of bodily effluence 24/7.

Be excellent to each other.

[speakout]

Lucylululu

I take it you have a baby- and this is your first.

Don't be so smug that you have it cracked, you have a long long way to go.

[frumpety]

Give her a break OP , she is still in the very early days and your first baby can absolutely knock you for six , mentally and physically , be nice

[Mammasmitten]

You are coming across as being very unreasonable and judgemental. Maybe you are not usually unreasonable and judgemental. Maybe you are just seeking to understand this mother better. There are so many reasons why someone might not have time to shower or brush teeth or have a moment to themselves with a newborn. She is certainly not the first mother to say they are having this experience. Especially when it's your first and your first isn't and easy going, contented baby who naps. My dd practically breastfed nearly constantly as a newborn. She would scream if I put her down. I carried her and breastfed her and loved her in my own way. I also had a pre existing back, hip and shoulder injury that flared up during pregnancy and after birth. I had also been very ill and lost too much weight. I lost a lot of blood and blood test showed that I had very low iron which would have added to exhaustion. I got judged for being too skinny, now I'm too fat, for sitting on the front lawn with baby because she could get sick from germs, for watching too much TV while breastfeeding. I had a neighbor and her mother who voiced these concerns every time I saw and she sometimes knocked on my door to check that I was OK. Not to lift a finger to help, no, just to be judgmental, holier than thou and to harangue me into going to church and getting saved by Jesus. She thought she was right because of her own life experiences. And it was a negative experience I could have done without. A friend of mine haemorrhaged during birth and had emergency histarectomy and was in ICU, she needed extra support. Another friend had emergency Caesarean and needed extra support. Another friend had her third baby and found the two older children enormously helpful and her experience was it was easier the second and third time around than with her firstborn. So, don't compare yourself with your four children who manages quite well with this first time mum. You're not better than her. Your experience is different. That's all it is. Instead why not lift a finger and help her in some practical way. If you don't want to or can't, the very least you could do is not look down on her in judgment.

[Spartaca]

I'm on #3 and only shower in the evening when DH is there, and I consider myself fairly competent!

[TammySwansonTwo]

I never leave my baby to cry but even with always seeing to him I still have plenty of time to get myself ready, work from home, do the shopping, etc.

Well then you're very bloody lucky aren't you, because that's certainly not the case for most people.