To think it's not that hard?

[HashBrowns]

There's a girl on my Facebook who's been moaning that she hasn't got time to brush her teeth all day or wash her hair until her DP comes home from work in the evenings because she doesn't have a minute to herself with her baby. Her baby is 5 weeks old, I have 4 dc's and still manage to find time to brush my teeth and have a bath every day. Even if her baby doesn't nap in the day for her (which I doubt when he's 5 weeks, that's pretty much all they do) surely she can stick him in his bouncer fur 10 mins even if it's outside the bathroom door so she can still see him whilst having a wash etc...aibu?

My babies are 17 and 14 and I've not cleaned my teeth yet. I overslept (Mother of the Year Award) and I've been MNing sorting the house out for a party tonight. I'm off to do it now though so you can all relax.

If you don't like it delete her or un follow her! Yeah she could brush your teeth with one hand but it sounds like she's just adjusting to having a baby. Just because you can deal with things doesn't mean she can everyone deals with things differently. Some friend you are..

I think there is something wrong if a person genuinely feels this overwhelmed, but it is probably a bit of hyperbole. I have brushed my teeth with one hand while holding a baby, sat on the toilet while holding a baby, and taken lots of baths with a baby sitting (and sometimes shitting) on me. I think anyone who isn't suffering from PND or some sort of mental health issue can do these things. Some people choose not to because they think it's too gross.

I’m 17w pregnant with my second and it’s threads like these that make me worried I won’t be able to cope with another - not because the baby might be difficult but because of judgemental people like you who would be horrible and make snidey remarks about how everything is ‘so easy’ with babies, and that we should all be able to find time to clean our teeth..!

I had an awful breakdown two years ago after being completely sleep deprived for nearly two weeks - not baby or child related at all - but if I have PND or mental health issues with my next child, I will hope to God that all my friends are more supportive than you. I know how hard it is when you are struggling, stressed, sleep deprived without a baby to worry about. It is a million times harder with a baby, more so with your first.

You are very lucky if you have found parenthood easy and have never suffered from mental health problems. Please find an an ounce of sympathy, empathy and love to support other mums, and your friend. It may just make all the difference, instead of being so mean.

NooNooHead , your second is easier, because you are not in shock with how much care a baby takes emotionally as well as physically. You're also more confident.

Your first can be tough going and if you've got no-none to help and give good advice, as well as practical support, it can be really hard going. I totally agree that we should be supporting each other, even just with sympathy.

I've found that Birth and baby care has always been minimised because it's a female experience that most have.

Super mum award for @claraschu 🏆

Bit, you sound like the sort of friend needed in the situation described by the op. Have fun at the party.

No Hippy the whole point is that I am not a Super mum, just a super-ordinary mum. People who actually can't brush their teeth with a baby are struggling, I think.

claraschu

Agreed

@claraschu and you think the solution is to tell them how easy you find it, and that the only reason they could be struggling is because they have mental health issues?

When did she say or even infer that?

I do get what op means though. There are plenty of opportunities to do small stuff like clean teeth so I never understand these kind of posts either. Prob coulda done it in the time it takes to update fb status lol.

I would never ever tell someone that, Hippy. Why would I? That would be tactless, incredibly unhelpful, unkind, and extremely stupid.

If a friend said she was having an issue like this, I would actually try to help, hold the baby, be someone to chat to, tell her she is doing a great job, tell her how lovely her baby is, and how soon it will get easier, etc.

I just think it is a sign that something is wrong if you regularly feel like you can't brush your teeth while caring for a baby. That is not normal tiredness and normal feelings of being overwhelmed. I think it is either hyperbole or a problem.

I dint think that you sound horrible OP.

Yeah I agree with pps that all babies are different and that the early days are incredibly hard. That said there’s no need to go without brushing your teeth or having a super quick shower, presumably she makes tine to stick the kettle on or have a wee.

You sound like a judgemental cow.

My baby didn't stop screaming for almost six months, and even after that was such a fussy baby and needed pretty much constant attention. It took 45 minutes to get them to fall asleep for each nap, which then lasted no more than 30 minutes, and this is still the case now.
I am constantly exhausted and it's only after 6 months that I'm able to reliably brush my teeth, do laundry or make lunch. For the first two months all I did was rock and feed a screaming baby, occasionally placing them on their mat to scream some more while I dashed to the loo and grabbed an apple to eat whilst holding them. This poor woman sounds like she needs a break and is probably at risk of PND.

Its worrying that after having had 4 children yourself, that you are so unable to empathize with someone who is clearly struggling.
What could you do to help this friend? Maybe take her found some dinner, look after the baby for an hour so she can have a bath?

Also- you have time to have a BATH every day? I assume this is when the four kids are in bed?

I've had two baths since my baby was born over 6 months ago, both times when my husband had the baby downstairs to give me 20 minutes of peace in between feeds/screams.

Clearly neither of yours were difficult babies with reflux or just clingy/fussy/constantly feeding.

So I'm making out I'm super mum because I can find time to brush my teeth and have a wash? Really?
We're not really friends

No, but the way you throw in the fact that you have four kids (like one or two is a piece of piss, right?) does make you sound like you consider yourself somewhat superior to the rest of us mere mortals. As well as smug.

First babies are actually really hard, because it's a huge time of readjustment because whatever came before is incomparable to the new experience. But even with my second, there were times when I realised mid afternoon that I'd either forgotten to eat lunch, attempted to drink countless cups of tea that became cold, or washed my hair with shower gel/ walked into a shop and forgot what I was there to buy - due to sleep deprivation etc.

You're definitely not friends with this woman. But would your opinion be any different if you were in fact very close? Or would you still smugly gloat that you've got this parenting lark nailed with your four kids while your friend with the newborn hasn't got the first idea how to do it properly with just one?

She may have had a Caesarean and therefore is unable to use a sling. I couldn't for this very reason. My babies didn't sleep well at all and I struggled hugely in the first weeks. Maybe if you're local you could offer to pop round and help her out?

Nasty attitude. Walk a mile in her shoes before judging the poor woman.

Needtogiveitablow - ❤️❤️
Yes, mine too. Absolute hell. Third child.

Other two absolute dreams. This one, reflux, milk allergy, couldn't put down to even sleep for about the first 12 mo (would just vomit everywhere)

I had NO idea it could be that HARD. Regularly went three days without brushing hair.

Please don't judge. All babies are different.

Also, lack of sleep, pnd and infections.

Wow - some women are judgey bitches - very sad.

No, but the way you throw in the fact that you have four kids (like one or two is a piece of piss, right?) does make you sound like you consider yourself somewhat superior to the rest of us mere mortals. As well as smug.

I have two and I admit to being a bit in awe of those with four!

I’m one of four and my mum said that after 2 it didn’t make much difference how many more there were. I’m sure it’s exactly the same for all families with four children

Also- you have time to have a BATH every day? I assume this is when the four kids are in bed?

I bath every day as I don't have a shower and not whilst my kids are in bed either. Not gonna let myself stink cos I have kids, it's perfectly possible!