To think it's not that hard?

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There's a girl on my Facebook who's been moaning that she hasn't got time to brush her teeth all day or wash her hair until her DP comes home from work in the evenings because she doesn't have a minute to herself with her baby. Her baby is 5 weeks old, I have 4 dc's and still manage to find time to brush my teeth and have a bath every day. Even if her baby doesn't nap in the day for her (which I doubt when he's 5 weeks, that's pretty much all they do) surely she can stick him in his bouncer fur 10 mins even if it's outside the bathroom door so she can still see him whilst having a wash etc...aibu?

It never ceases to amaze me that people can't engage their brain and understand that the way things are for you is not the way they are for everyone else. I can understand this, I don't know why other people find it so difficult.

Perhaps since you’re so on top of things you could offer to give her a hand? Or alternatively stop judging her! Yes, a lot of babies nap frequently at 5 weeks, but lots don’t as well. It’s not hard to feel overwhelmed when it’s your first and you’re learning how to do everything- no one tells you that them crying for 5 minutes whilst you have a shower and brush your teeth isn’t going to harm them developmentally. In fact most books/websites/advice services make you feel guilty if they cry for any reason! And apparently mumsnet is also one of those places!

YABU to judge her. Unless you’ve offered to help and know the ins and outs of her situation then you either need to take the judgy pants off or just scroll past. No need to be so horrid.

It never ceases to amaze me that people can't engage their brain and understand that the way things are for you is not the way they are for everyone else. I can understand this, I don't know why other people find it so difficult.

This 1000 times!

@Alittleconcerned1980 have a read ^^ you might learn something

I’m always stunned by women who tear down other women who are struggling. Jesus Christ it’s hard enough being a new Mum with minimal support without your friends thinking you’re shit. I’ve got 3 and I struggled massively with my eldest and youngest who were really high maintenance babies (both had reflux and DS2 had CMPA), it would have gutted me if I thought my friends were thinking like you. But then I had the kind of friends who’d come round and help, do dishes, Hoover, put laundry on, bring food.
Is that something you could do Op?

Well, aren't you a supermum op? If you find it all so easy, perhaps you could consider giving her a little support, seeing as she seems to need It?

you can clean your teeth while holding the baby, fgs.

You’re horrible.

I remember the first day my dh went back to work after paternity leave. My dd had reflux, hated been put down and was always wanting to feed. My dh phoned on his break and I just broke down, saying i couldn't do it. How was I supposed to feed a baby and myself? How could I get dressed etc. I worked it out eventually my dd got better at been out down and I got more organised but those first few weeks I didn't know if I was ever going to get on with my day again.

Oops posted too soon. YABU have some sympathy you don't know how hard she may be finding it. We can't all be perfect like you.

What a nasty thread. Why do so many horrible people become mothers?

Have you considered writing a parenting book?

Aren’t you just mother of the year!

New poster? Hmm!

Support don't judge.

One of mine screamed and screamed if I set them down, even for a minute, the other didn't. I was considerably better washed, fed, groomed and organisied with the laid back one. It's best not to judge other people when you have no idea of their actual circumstances.

I think women should be more supportive of other women. Its not a competition and everyone's situation is different. Your friend has been a mother for only five weeks, its a huge adjustment! She is clearly finding it hard, why be mean about it? What purpose does it achieve? She is your friend and all you can do is feel superior to her. What does that say about you?!
Oh, and not every baby sleeps. My darling twins never slept, I don't even remember if I brushed my teeth in the first year.

Those early weeks are so, so hard. (For some of us).

Instead of judging, go round with some food, cuddle baby while she has a long bath.

Whoop-de-do.

Get off her case. Do the girl a favour and delete unfriend her.

Babies are individuals, just like their parents and everyone else on the planet. Some you can leave, whilst others get terribly upset at delayed attention and you can spend ages trying to soothe them afterwards. They can make themselves quite ill and/or go off their feed. Plus one is almost invariably more anxious with a first and therefore at its beck and call even if it's a quite amenable baby. I had four, and every one of them caught me by surprise by being quite different from the one before, and different again from my little brother who was my "practice baby". We all survived, somehow, but standards may or may not have slipped in the first few months...

Perhaps the best thing you can do for your friend, OP, if you're not in a position to lend a hand and don't want to block her, is reassure her that this is a phase and it will pass. (Whether it gets better or worse remains to be seen; don't tell her that bit!)

Oh, and re "napping is all they do"... I had two who did and two who didn't. One of them barely slept at all, even at night, until he was 6 years old.

Yeah, alright OP, you’re a super parent, out of this world, just amazing and better than most at being a parent. There I said it, was that enough for you?

My kid didn’t sleep during the day. Ever. If I put her down she screamed. I was damaged horribly from the birth, struggling with feeding, my DH was working long shifts and I had no one to call to help. I think I managed to brush my teeth but I never managed to have a bath or a shower without someone else to look after the baby and making meals for myself was impossible. That’s beforebthe PND kicked in.

Do you know all the ins and outs of your ‘friend’s’ (i use the worse loosely because you’re not really her friend are you?) pregnancy, birth, the child, her family set up?

It can be hard, very hard. But come on, in the time she scrolled through FB looking at her newsfeed (probably) and posted etc, she could have cleaned her teeth, surely all of us can see that?

Stopping and washing your hair, having a bath is different, it takes longer (and can be impossible, I never showered for 2 days once with newborn DD once DP went back to work) with a baby who you simply cannot put down, but cleaning your teeth takes 90 seconds.

That said, I'd not come on here and start a post about it, it's a real no no.

Well obviously when you have 3 or 4 children and everyone is washed, fed and dressed, dishwasher emptied and another load of the endless laundry is put on by 9am, just looking after one little newborn looks easy. Goes without saying really, doesn't it?

But going from no baby to one baby, especially if that baby doesn't sleep all day, feed well and happily sit in a bouncer is hard.

Someone 5 weeks into a job hasn't got the hang of it yet, and isn't as competent as someone 5 or 10 years in. What a shock.

DS1 was prem and had lots of meducal issues. He hated feeding and we had to force an ounce at a time into him against his will. He didn’t sleep more than an hour at a time until he was 15 months and I was so sleep deprived that I could barely put one foot in front of another. He screamed whenever I put him down.

DS2 is now 3 months and has been pretty much sleeping through since 11 weeks. He sometimes wakes up once a night. He doesn’t like being put down but I’m much better equipped to deal with it with some sleep. I also know that crying for 5 mins while I get stuff done won’t harm him. It’s so easy to forget the hard times.

Everyone’s experience is so different and I’m so sick of mum’s judging each other.

are you saying that having 4 children is easier than having one?

What a nasty thread.

Congratulations on being Parent Of The Year though, it must be great to be so amazing!