To think it's not that hard?

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There's a girl on my Facebook who's been moaning that she hasn't got time to brush her teeth all day or wash her hair until her DP comes home from work in the evenings because she doesn't have a minute to herself with her baby. Her baby is 5 weeks old, I have 4 dc's and still manage to find time to brush my teeth and have a bath every day. Even if her baby doesn't nap in the day for her (which I doubt when he's 5 weeks, that's pretty much all they do) surely she can stick him in his bouncer fur 10 mins even if it's outside the bathroom door so she can still see him whilst having a wash etc...aibu?

She'll be knackered and will feel like she's been hit by a bus.

I'm jammy as fuck, I've got twins who were pretty easy and a really supportive husband. I have a friend with one baby who had difficulties with reflux, wouldn't take a bottle and was breastfeeding non stop, and cried constantly - I felt really sorry for her yet I was the one getting all the "OMG how do you manage" sympathy. You never know what's going on in someone's life, despite how it may look on the surface.

Christ, with my first, no, I had the same kinds of problems - that baby would only sleep on me, I was exhausted because he was having trouble figuring out feeding, and I'd had an EMCS so was in pain, oh, and my legs swelled up from the epidural.

I think I only managed to shower once every 3 or so days, I have no idea about tooth brushing, it was all a fog, frankly, sleep was more important to me, and the only way DS would spend any time away from me when awake was in the bath with DP - which meant I was reduced to a flannel at the sink anyway. I remember puting DS1 in the bouncer, diving under the shower while he screamed his little head off, and having the quickest wash possible for about the first 3 months.

Second baby, was night and day - he was a chilled little thing, who'd take cuddles from anyone, and was happy eating, sleeping, and watching the world go by.

I think it all depends on your luck with the baby, and you're judging her because you just haven't had that experience.

You could offer her the benefit of your experience and pop round and help!! The most welcome guest I had when DS 1 was born was my friend who came round, made tea and toast, unloaded the washing machine, hung out washing and loaded the next load!!

Why is it so hard to be kind!

TeachesofPeaches LOL!

I used to be like that with my first, I would struggle to get a shower as I never knew when he would be asleep and I thought it was unreasonable to leave him awake while I was in the shower. Or doing anything else.

By the time I'd had my second I'd copped on to myself and just stuck them in their cot or chair for five minutes.

In the first six months of my twins life I had four UTIs because I was always holding in a wee. I had two babies to take care of, one with serious health problems, I was pumping every two hours, I was in severe pain, and I had babies who refused to nap or be put down, certainly never at the same time, both with allergies that meant they were covered in eczema and feeling rubbish, and the daily pile of washing up etc was almost insurmountable. Taking care of myself went to the bottom of the list and mostly didn't happen.

If you're so wonderful at motherhood and so wise to ways she can accomplish things, why don't you go and give her a hand?

I am an experienced mum with 3 children but when my youngest was a few weeks old I hadn’t showered for days and my little one didn’t sleep for any more that 15minutes at a time... I didn’t like leaving him to cry so couldn’t shower and wash my hair and get dried/sort hair etc to be ready to soothe him again in 15 minutes. It was hard but all babies are different and maybe her baby is a ‘difficult’ baby.
My son turned out to be allergic to dairy. Possibly her baby had things going on too x

That was me with Baby number 1.Screamed all day, never slept for more than two hours at a time and then usually when we were out walking and she was in her pram. PND, on my own, new town,. I lived in a tracksuit for a week.

YABU. my DS is five months and I felt exactly the same at that stage. He is a screamer who hates to be put down. Things are slowly improving and I can now shower every day with DS sitting in his bouncy chair in the bathroom.

Offer to help, might open your eyes to how different her experience is to yours. And if not, at least she will be able to enjoy a shower and brush her teeth!

When my dd came along, she cried incessantly from about 4pm till about 7 the next morning, when my ds got up for the day. That went on for months. Quite often I had no energy or inclination to brush my teeth or my hair. I felt like I was such a poor mother, such a terrible person who couldn't even console my tiny baby that I didn't deserve any self care. I didn't sleep, eat or look after myself at all. Have you considered OP that this woman is in dire need of some help and sympathy, when you were taking the time to judge her?

Also, I often find that people who make comments like this are the ones who have help and support from family and friends or other options for childcare- it's so much more exhausting and overwhelming when you don't have that.

I had days like that with dd1. Those were the days when I was feeling paticularly down and mentally wasn't coping. It is great that you have not found any part of bringing up a child that challenging (I haven't with dd2) but she is obviously struggling. It might not be her dc but how she is feeling that is the issue.

She may have an incredibly difficult/clingy baby or she may be wanting to make a point and trying to come across in a jokey sort of way.

None of us really knows. (But I would prioritise cleaning my teeth to posting on FB .

I am probably a bit 'judgey' about these sorts of comments but then I had a baby who self settled from the day we got home from hospital, who could happily be left in his moses basket/play pen. I had the least clingy baby ever so I never quite 'get it' when people say they can't put their baby down/go to the toilet in peace. And it honestly wouldn't occur to me to pick my DS up if he just 'grizzled' a little (not full on screaming).

Of course I don't know if it was just sheer luck or because I followed a strict routine.

As a mother of three dc by the time you got used to your last child you seem to just get on with things as you develop a routine plus you already been through this before . I always say it’s bigger adjustment becoming a parent the first time than if you already are sometimes. It’s unfair to judge her she might have a baby who barely sleeps, for pnd, unsupportive husband who knows. But it’s not a bad thing to admit sometimes we struggle even as a parent.

It's no wonder new mums constantly feel like they can't win. Say you're struggling & people tell you you're being lazy/a martyr/not doing it right. Don't tell people you're struggling & you get judged for not reaching out. Talk about minefield!
I'm hoping my second is a breeze compared to DD, but if it isn't? Yep no doubt i'll rock the Wurzel Gummage look but we'll muddle through. Thankfully I have far more supportive friends than the likes of OP!

That’s not to say your last child isn’t a nightmare I know my other two were angels and then DS2 arrived and we definitely knew we had him.

Maybe she doesn't mean it literally but she is stuck at home feeling isolated and overwhelmed and just wanted to reach out and communicate how she feels in the hope that someone understands and sends her some virtual support so she doesn't feel like she is doing it all wrong. What support did you offer her?

I'm with you!! I have 4 as a single parent. It's amazing what you can do if you don't have a dp to rely on. I didn't like leaving my baby to cry either but what can you do?!

This is a really horrible post.

Instead of being so judgemental, why not actually offer the poor woman a hand.

I felt exactly like her when I had my first, I had a very clingy and poorly baby, couldn't use a sling because my back was in agony when I tried and felt my needs were obviously no where near as important as my baby's.

Wow. With friends like you...

Ragwort as someone whose twins would not be scheduled, you got lucky.

If you have a baby who cries a lot and refuses to be put down, all you get if you try to enforce a schedule is constant screaming which gets worse until you capitulate. By your own admission your strict schedule is beside the point since the baby was already calm and settling themselves as soon as you got home!

I could never understand why people were suggesting I stick to a feeding schedule because my twins would scream the house down if they were hungry and weren't fed right away. One day I asked someone - so what happens if you're on a 3 hour schedule and they're screaming for milk after two hours? And they said "oh well of course I'd feed them then". Right... so in reality what you're doing is feeding your baby before they're hungry so it fits your schedule, rather than adapting your baby's behaviour with a schedule. Sigh.

Totally agree

It’s the type of person who gets “so so stressed” when they are even slightly busy at work, and start huffing and puffing. It’s not surprising that that kind of person is going to treat parenthood as though it’s suckinf every bit of energy from them.

hashbrowns

Check the byline.

Mumsnet. by parents for parents

bullshit

Single parent here too.

There’s a pattern...

I have 3 children and was a single parent from when the 3rd was born. I was damn good at managing to find time to do basic things..

However, I’m not so thick that I can’t remember how bloody hard it was with my first baby!