Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

This thread is funny and I'm only halfway through.

Where did you find this glamour photographer who doesn't agree with porn, or models being too thin, and has never taken a portrait in his career.

What drew him to glamour photography in the first place? He's never been involved in other kinds of photography and he's morally opposed to porn, and modelling.

I mean, did he get drunk and come to one day after a bender with a camera pointed at some girl's tits in a studio and thought "This works somehow, I found my calling! Let's go with it."

Blimey, just get over it! You sound obsessed. Just move on and think of other more interesting things to talk about.

If you were 'shunned' it's probably because you don't seem able to conduct an interesting conversation and are weirdly fixated on your DP.

Meep I agree!
This is almost as funny as the tattoo thread. 'Oh whyyyy do people judge my DP. I mean just cos he works out and when he shaves his head he looks like a villain'.

It's like teenage girls who are bored and want only to talk about their boyfriends under some idiotic guise of faux concern.

@Meeep

Portrait photography is a specific skill, he's fone portraits for friends and family but does have the skills/experience to be hired to do it professionally. If I was asked what type of photography he's done, why would I lie and say portrait?

He isn't completely apposed to the porn or fashion industries, he is friends with and works along side people who are very involved in those industries. All I have said is that my partner isn't in those industries as other posters seemed to imply part of the reason being because he didn't agree with a lot of what goes on.

I don't get how people are coming to the conclusion that the OP only talks about her partner, is 'weirdly fixated' on him etc.

Isn't it more likely that, like a lot of people, she finds herself in a range of conversations and some of them are about her DP?

OldPony, 'it's probably because you don't seem able to conduct an interesting conversation' is an aggressive and jaw-droppingly rude thing to say, not to mention stupid; how on earth would you know what conversations the OP can or cannot conduct?

School gates are as bad as high school.

Why on earth couldn't someone be friends with you coz your husband used to photograph some tits?

As long as it wasn't illegal you do what you can to put food on the table.

I suggest talk ing to the school too. Ide be worried other mom's would tell their dc to keep away from mine.

Some of you are being really odd about this - of course the OP talks to her friend about other things, but it came up in conversation and so she answered what she was asked! It's not rocket science - and neither is the distinction between porn and glamour photography. I'm sorry this is happening to you OP - there are small minded, reactionary gossip-mongers everywhere, and you're probably better off not being friends with them. As they say - 'great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people'. I hope you manage to find some better friends.

Q what does you partner do
You - hes a photographer
Q Oh, what kind of pictures does he take
A mostly portrait
Q og what kind of pictures did he used to take
A glamour

REALLY ? someone really asked what kind of photographs he took in the past ? either you overshare massively, or this is a pisstake

You've had an overwhelming response that most posters have agreed with the mums

That is not true, there's lots of posters agree with OP that the mums are out of order. Just because the posters who agree with the mums have posted the same thing multiple times, doesn't mean it's the majority of the thread.

Again we are not talking about pornography, so I don't see how that would be relevant. But yes it would be close minded to completely dismiss an whole entire industry you have no experience in as exploitive.

No it wouldn't. Like a lot of people on this thread I don't need to have 'experience of the industry' to make my own decision that taking photos of people's tits to serve nasty misogynist lad's mags and the like is sleazy and crap.

All I have said is that my partner isn't in those industries as other posters seemed to imply part of the reason being because he didn't agree with a lot of what goes on.

• Your partner makes the same value judgements, his sliding scale is just set in a different spot it seems. It's the same thing. The people that have judged him/you clearly 'don't agree with what goes on' in the world of tit shots.

Entirely up to you to tell them his background, but the validation you're looking for isn't going to come from this thread.

I'd think him a nasty sleaze. I wouldn't make that clear to you as I'm hopefully not that rude but he'd make my skin crawl, so I'd want to stay well away.

OP: My husband used to photograph tits! I'm not ashamed! If asked I will answer!

Everybody: What does he photograph now?

OP:

"Q what does you partner do
You - hes a photographer
Q Oh, what kind of pictures does he take
A mostly portrait
Q og what kind of pictures did he used to take
A glamour"

See I agree with the PP who posted the above - can you imagine the following conversation talking place.

Q what does your partner do
A he's a plumber
Q what sort of plumber
A domestic

I then cannot fathom anyone saying "what kind of plumbing did he do before he did domestic plumbing"

The OP is very odd indeed.

Just to explain for the people who don't seem to understand.

My Dp's career is not my first choice of topic for conversation either, this is my second year having a child at this school and it is only in the last few weeks any other mums have found out anything about his career.
In September lots of mums found out he was a photographer because it came up in conversation about school photos, people then showed an interest in his career as they wanted DP to take photos of their children in their uniforms, which he did. His past job as a glamour photographer hadn't been mentioned, because it had never been relevant and I hadn't been asked.
This one particular woman I was talking to before Christmas was not a stranger but someone I thought I was making a friendship with. We have had hundreds of conversations not about my DP's career, when we had taken our children to the park or we had gone for coffee or she had been at my house and met my DP with her children, all of these times glamour photography never came up.
She was telling me about her husbands medical career, which I was interested in, it just so happens that she is a stay at home mum so we were talking about his career and not hers. If she had asked me and she has done about my work then I would of answered but she specifically showed an interest in my partners photography, which is why I answered.

To be honest if one of my kid's Dads was this He isn't completely apposed to the porn or fashion industries, he is friends with and works along side people who are very involved in those industries ...I'd probably be very wary of him. I'd probably be judgemental and I'd make assumptions too.
I'd be especially wary of him if I had a daughter and if that daughter was a teenager. Have you a daughter?

Is it closed-minded to think that a lot of pornography is exploitative? And that pornography in general is damaging to women?

What's pornography got to do with this thread. OPs husband doesn't work in the pornography industry and never did.

People ask me what my husband does and I tell them a vague version easy to understand by people not in his industry (me included) and any follow up questions will be met with "no idea". You only share what you're comfortable with. If you don't want to be judged then don't share. If you don't want to appear rude then make something up. No one actually cares what he does, they're just being polite.

Judgmental crowd here!
OP, ignore those parents at school who have been judgmental and faux supportive.
What your OH does for a living is his (and your) business! No one else's. Your openness and honesty about it is something I'd appreciate. I don't believe you should have to hide what he does (or did) because persons may not like the answer.
I really wouldn't bother with those on the school run. HTH.

@MorrisZapp

I have said atm he is mainly doing wildlife photography but that is not relevant to this post and few people have shown an interest.
Would you like me to go into further detail?

I’d just find it interesting and something to talk about!

School gates are a fucking nightmare for some op. I’ve perfected the drop and run just before the bell, and pick up a few mins after. It’s hard as you have to face it twice a day, but this isn’t forever

@sadie9

I have 3 daughters, DP has 1 daughter and 2 step daughters all of which are perfectly fine.

I don't get how people are coming to the conclusion that the OP only talks about her partner, is 'weirdly fixated' on him etc. confused

Because as often happens on Mumsnet, some-one made up that initial comment, then all the sheep jumped on it and they've made up an entire different scenario to the one the OP is talking about.

@FizzyGreenWater

Just out of interest as you think he is a nasty sleaze and would want to keep well away how would you feel if I didn't tell you?
This particular women who seems to have a problem with it has brought her children round to our house and met DP as well as getting DP to photograph her small children.
You would never know he was a 'nasty sleaze' you wanted to get well away from unless I told you, which you are suggesting I shouldn't do.

If he's a nasty sleaze people will work that out without you telling them surely?

She was telling me about her husbands medical career

Does that mean he us a doctor or nurse?

If so isn't there a bit of the pot calling the kettle going on here.