Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

I would take no notice of their very judgemental attitudes. He is not a dirty old man taking photos without consent. These are adult women who are fully aware of what they are doing. Are these school women really worth your time?

@LolaTheDarkdestroyer

Someone like what? He's a lovely person. His past career is legal and not immoral or corrupt?

You should not have told them the specific type of photography. If you've only known him for six years why were you shunned for the first 14 years of parenthood?

You should not have told them because they would react like they have done. And you knew they would, unless you are completely naive.

You may be as proud of your husbands past career looking at women’s breasts. You can’t expect everyone else to feel the same. I’m beginning to understand why you spent 20 years shut out as a mum....

Why should you not mention it you ask....

Well...now you know.

Tbh I'd be a bit too.

@steff13 @FreudianSlurp @Originalfoogirl

Teenage mum

Surely you would be aware that not everyone would be comfortable socializing with someone whose career choice involved taking nude pics? Just because you are, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same. Seems v naive to give all those details then complain ppl are not comfortable with it. (Although it has gone a bit far, as salacious gossip often does. )

teenage mum

Which I’m sure you were still telling people long after you had passed teenage. Why wouldn’t you.

Seriously of course I would say when asked, why wouldn't I?
How would you react if you asked me what type of photography my partner has done and I said I'm not allowed to say?

I don't think it's appropriate information for the school gate, sorry...!

I don't see how it's not porn. No one looks at page 3 for the article do they? He was taking photos of women's breasts, the purpose of those photos was for others to become sexually aroused.

That's pretty much the definition of porn.

Ha, x post with original

@FreudianSlurp

I will always be a 'teen mum' I will always have had a child at 16, people will always see that.

Op, most of us would think you were deliberately making it into a bigger issue than necessary if you said you weren't allowed to say what type he did. Which is how the whole of this thread is coming across, tbh. You weren't discrete about something ppl would have a strong reaction to, now are taking an offended moral stance.
Strikes me it's similar to telling everyone how bad they look when they ask if something makes their bum look big, then being offended when you overhear ppl warning others not to ask for your opinion .

.

Although I don't think it's fair, no one has to socialise with him if they feel uncomfortable.
No need to be bitchy and to tell me to leave him. fact is my partners not a sex offender he's a professional photographer.

You're rather foolish if you believe it's not immoral by some people's standards, a significant proportion of th people you encounter are letting you know that it is.

motherfiver you're going to have to detach from this one.

You said you love and trust him, and I don't think this information about his past work should have been shared, it would make the majority of parents feel uneasy.

It's out there now so try to ignore reactions, you cannot try to rationalise it to busy school run mums/dads or else you'll be digging a deeper hole.

@FreudianSlurp

It's not other people, I didn't complain about that in my original post just mentioned it as a fact. I had a baby at 16, that was my decision I didn't expect 40 year olds to invite a 20 year olds 5 year old to play with theirs.
Of course they still cared, I lived in a small village and my eldest nursery, primary and juniors were linked.

@KungFuEric

You and they can think that if they want, I don't need to be told to leave him though.

Fair enough - I personally wouldn't advise you to LTB as I wouldn't see it as my place to do so, but neither would I ever want to socialise with your OH so I'm afraid you wouldn't get invited to anything we organised (including school quiz night table etc).