Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

I would judge you as someone to avoid because you think glamour is "empowering"

I actually do have friends and aquaintances who do glamour who I dont judge at all but they dont spout the crap you do about it being an empowering celebration of womanhood.
They are invariably pragmatic about it: it pays well, its short term & its not really their bodies anyway because its so airbrushed.

(FYI most things that are decribed as "empowering" are the opposite. E.g. MLMs, pagents etc. Things that actually ARE empowering are rarely described as that because its a patronising childish word that properly "empowered" people never use!)

In short: your husband didnt "empower" anyone but himself by taking tit pics.
Stop talking guff and people might judge you less.

So these people are not virtual strangers you see at the school gates but people you have had many conversations with. So they have heard a lot about you, your husband and family beyond your husbands job and are still advising you to leave him?

Thats what I thought namechange. The text doesnt mention the glamour work, maybe its other behaviour that concerns them?

I think that if that is how they behave then they are not people worth wanting to know anyway.
The narrow mindedness of people is really astounding.

OP - I'd find your DP previous job fascinating. I wanted to be a glamour model when I was younger - never did get the tits for it but i have no problem with it whatsever. It's not porn (although I like that too for my sins).

I bet if you were a photographer who spent their time photographing naked men they'd have a very different attitude too.

People eh, they are all entitled to an opinion but should really keep it to themselves. I don't know what you can do about it really - I'd be inclined to wind it up a bit but that isn't really fair on your kids.

Shegot Because La Kardashian is doing what you object to - being objectified because of her tits and ass, with which iirc, she tried to break the internet. If you object to the glamour industry, you must surely object to her, those she employs to photograph her etc; if you object to Rosie HW, then by the same token, you must object to Kim Kardashian, otherwise you are displaying a double standard.

I think men have been objectified for a long while in terms of their physique, especially with the footballers etc. Same as male pop stars - Beatlemania, the Osmonds (showing my age there), the Bay City Rollers.

Yes, one can advertise without sexual objectification, but would a Flake have sold as well? Sex sells after all, and you want the product to be memorable.

Because La Kardashian is doing what you object to - being objectified because of her tits and ass, with which iirc, she tried to break the internet. If you object to the glamour industry, you must surely object to her, those she employs to photograph her etc; if you object to Rosie HW, then by the same token, you must object to Kim Kardashian, otherwise you are displaying a double standard

I would greatly appreciate not having opinions and words assigned to me that I have not said or expressed.

I have NOT said that I 'object' to any individual. Please stop telling me that I 'must surely object' to people. I will only end up repeating what I have already written, and there's little to misconstrue.

Yes, one can advertise without sexual objectification, but would a Flake have sold as well? Sex sells after all, and you want the product to be memorable.

If selling a Flake, or a car, or anything else is to be prioritised over women being objectified, then that is precisely why many women - and men - are trying to change things for future generations.

I doubt we will see eye to eye on this, nor change the other's opinion, so be it.

she Now you are being disingenuous - the whole thrust of your posts is that you don't respect those involved in the glamour industry; that you find the representation of women's bodies problematic - what is that but an objection, however piously you try to couch it?

You are fighting a losing battle against the objectification of either sex. Just as I had posters of the Bay City Rollers on my wall when I was young, and my db had one of the girl hitching up her tennis dress.kids today may have one of Justin Bieber, Harry Styles, Selina Gomez, Taylor Swift etc, and their mums might be drooling over Idris Elba. Much as I would like to think it is my sparkling wit, sunny disposition, fab cooking and incisive mind that has kept dh hanging around for 32 years, it was the body that he wanted in the first instance.

Until you stop ads, fashion mags, the entertainment industry wholesale, except for radio, you won't stop objectification, and even then you might not, as a voice can be very seductive. I'm 51, and I can still look at a nice male arse and think 'phwoarr'. That's objectifying at a basic level, and you can't really expect to stop people doing that.

Now you are being disingenuous - the whole thrust of your posts is that you don't respect those involved in the glamour industry

You are completely wrong. Please don't accuse me of being disingenuous, just because I won't say what you want me to say, or because you've handed me lines that I have not actually written.

My views are clear, and consistent.

I have simply NOT said what you say I have. This it would possibly affect our friendship for the simple reason that I understand how these images are detrimental to women on so many levels, and I would struggle to have much respect for anyone who was part of the industry cashing in on women's bodies is the context of the ONLY time I mentioned respect for an individual. On a personal level, in the context of friendship. Friends need to have respect for each other, and I would struggle to have that within the context of friendship.

To claim that I have stated that I disrespect everyone involved in the industry, is, to use your word, disingenuous.

If you are going to disagree with me, fine, but please cease quoting me out of context and ascribing views to me that I have not expressed.

You are fighting a losing battle against the objectification of either sex

Let's hope not, eh?

I would judge. A family man who earns his money by taking photos of topless women as wank candy for men is seedy at best.

The scariest thing about scaryteacher is the idea that she might actually be a teacher....

it's such an easy comment to make that everyone who works in whatever area of the sex industry is exploited, when this simply isn't true.

Literally no one has said this. I wish people would read what posters are actually saying. SheGot is actually making some good points but clearly some posters would rather froth at the mouth because she disagrees with you rather than actually listen and engage with the very clear points she's is making.

'He used to specialise in "taking pictures of women's tits'.....so do the people who do mammograms surely?

That's the daftest thing I've read on this thread.

I bet if you were a photographer who spent their time photographing naked men they'd have a very different attitude too.
Was thinking exactly the same. My sympathies OP.

Thanks DeleteOrDecay

What about men who take those glamour pictures of normal women in their underwear who want them done for themselves then? Is the photographer doing those 'seedy' and a pervert? Or is that ok because the women requested the service themselves?

Sounds to me like you really love the attention that your DH being a glamour photographer brings.
As a pp said it's as if you are going out of your way to let people know this. It would have been so simple to avoid giving this information out, to have just been vague 'he's tried a number of different types of photography in the past but has specialised in wildlife' or some such crap. Unfortunately for you this has backfired as you misjudged the friend you told.
Incredible really that after experiencing such a small village attitude to your teen pregnancy for 20 years you would think it appropriate to share that your husband photographed women getting their tits out!

basically taking photos of women’s tits

Have you tried talking to other women in a different way to this?

Sounds to me like you really love the attention that your DH being a glamour photographer brings.

Give it a fucking rest, seriously.

Sounds to me like you really love the attention that your DH being a glamour photographer brings

You just made that up...as said previously, let's wait and see how many sheep repeat it.

Wow, some people are really going in hard on op. Her husband is not a fiend, just a photographer! Some of the comments are plain rude and uncalled for.

FFS the straw men being built on this thread! The OP has clearly, repeatedly and believably stated that she has had many conversations with her friend that do not involve her DH’s career, and that yes, friend knew he was a photographer and had known for months without OP feeling compelled to “brag” that he’s done glamour work in the past. However in a discussion about friend’s husband’s career past and present, friend asked a reciprocal question about OP’s husband.
As others have said, lots of people have a passing interest in photography and it’s not startling that someone would ask “Has he always done wildlife?” or whatever.
Come to think of it, I can tell you not just that DD1’s friend X from school, is a doctor, but that she has specialised in dermatology, because I’ll have asked DD1 sometime like the weird freak that I am. I happen to know where quite a few friends and colleagues went to university and about their previous jobs because it’s come up in conversation over the years, the same extends to some of their spouses. I didn’t realise this was so creepy and improbable and that I should restrict myself to the broadest questions about the current occupation of my immediate interlocutor only.
I hate this forensic examination of the probability of people’s account of events. Like the endless “- that’s a very complex sentence for a 4 year old...” posts.
I’m personally not keen on the glamour industry so I would have been surprised and had a slight inner wince but having met OP’s husband and liked him, it wouldn’t be a biggie.
There is clearly a lot of shit-stirring going on amidst some mothers at the Salem school gates and I agree it might be an idea to raise it with the school before one of them tries to make it a safeguarding issue. Just awful!

I have already stuck up for you once before on this thread OP but reading the bitchy judgmental comments from people on here is making me cross now. I must be naive but I couldn't have imagined how many women would not want to be friends with you based on you having revealed this (in my mind) completely innocuous piece of information in a chat with someone you thought you were getting on with. People ask me all the time what my partner does and when I say he is a DJ they ask loads more questions, and quite honestly, if he worked at swingers parties or S&M clubs (which he doesn't) I wouldn't probably have revealed that detail in a first conversation but if I had spent ample time with someone I would be open about it. I am trying to think of a situation where isomeone's job would affect my view on whether I wanted to be friends and I guess if someone told me they worked for the National Front or an anti abortion organisation that would put me off them. However I would not be bitchy or rude to them, I would just stick to safe topics of conversation in the future like school stuff and the kids. I wouldn't want to be friends to the point of having them over for dinner and I would judge in my head but I would not show them any ill will. You really do not need to justify yourself anymore to all the bitchy people on here honestly. They sound as narrow minded and odd as the Mums at your school. Hope you are okay and that you have lots of nice open minded friends outside the school circle. And sorry you have been attacked by such narrow minded people on here too.

FFS the straw men being built on this thread!

No, I want straw laydeeez with massive rolls of silage for TITS being built.

TITS you can take PICTURES of.

TITS TITS TITS.

What I was inferring to in my previous post was the friends dh who was a nurse and becoming a doctor must have and touched a lot of fannies bums and tits. Didn't she have the same problem with her husband as she is accusing your husband of.