Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

I was taking the piss meta

I don't care if people think I'm uncool for judging glamour, porn whatever.

Too right I judge it and I also question the level of intelligence.

I can absolutely believe that 20 years ago in a small village a teen Mum was socially excluded by other older mums. It's not hard to see how that would happen. Jesus.

@OldPony

I wouldn't think of you as uncool, I would respect your right to dislike or not want to be involved with the industry. But if she acted like these mums I would think of you as being nasty.

Pearl clutching? Stupid phrase that is dismissive of opinions

Agree. It's old, tired and unpleasant. Some people still think it's hilariously cutting though.

If I heard that someone had taken up photographing naked/half naked women for a job, it would possibly affect our friendship for the simple reason that I understand how these images are detrimental to women on so many levels, and I would struggle to have much respect for anyone who was part of the industry cashing in on women's bodies.

Representation of women and objectification of women is something that I consider to a vital issue and it has to be addressed on several fronts . That's fundamental to me.

While I wouldn't outwardly make a big deal of it, I would be aware that we didn't share the same values on something very important.

@SheGotBetteDavisEyes

How would you feel if you found out a woman had been photographed half naked/ naked for a job?
Do you not think your judgement is unfair and detrimental to the women who choose to work in this industry?

Op, but when the mum said they were concerned and they are there to support you (as in the message), this isn't being nasty, is it? On further reflection, I'm not sure they are all just trying to have a dig at you/dh. Can't you understand ppl not wanting to strike up a conversation with someone who they see as doing/having done what is to them an unsavory job? They don't have to talk to him!
I do think it's all blown up a bit over the course of the thread... Ppl have different values, and levels of politeness. This has been explained numerous times by a number of pp. Seems the thread is only continuing so you can discuss glamour models and porn a bit longer...

Do you not think your judgement is unfair and detrimental to the women who choose to work in this industry?

Can you be clearer on what my 'judgement' is? I'm not sure that I've 'judged' anything or anyone.

I've given you my opinion on the industry and my likely reaction to this situation, with a little context.

I somehow think that my opinion on the industry is significantly less detrimental to women in it, than the industry itself.

'He used to specialise in "taking pictures of women's tits'.....so do the people who do mammograms surely?

I note as someone else has said, that there has been no outrage at the Rosie HW topless pics in the paper yesterday, for M&S no less. Will you all boycott them and buy your knickers elsewhere, or look at her and think, intelligent, high earning woman with good career, hunky significant other and cute new born? Where do you want to draw the line?

Do you not think your judgement is unfair and detrimental to the women who choose to work in this industry?

Unfair, no. Detrimental, how? I guess it might leave them feeling a little uncomfortable. But as I believe the work they have chosen is harmful to woman as a class and as I believe that the few who "choose" it are used as a figleaf by an industry in which thousands who do not have free choice and are exploited, I won't lose much sleep.

Ha I once met someone whose husband was a photographer. I did ask them what kind of photographer and was old 'architecture'.

Would have been much more interesting if they'd have said glamour photography!

or look at her and think, intelligent, high earning woman with good career, hunky significant other and cute new born? Where do you want to draw the line?

I don't. It makes little difference whether a model is paid £20 or £200,000 - the principle is the same.

Our children are being brought up in a society doggedly hanging onto it's God-given right to objectify women's bodies. It's so entrenched that the idea that we stop doing it is met with outrage and disbelief.

@SheGotBetteDavisEyes

What about these women's rights? To celebrate their body, to feel empowered and enjoy their job?
Since you clearly aren't the kids and of woman who would wish to associate with glamour models, you have got the wrong idea that no women could possibly be choosing and enjoying their career. I've met plenty of glamour models, all of which are highly intelligent and successful women who are in complete control of their bodies and career choice, bone of which are being exploited.
Do you really think all glamour models most be utterly stupid and have no idea what they are signing up for, or must be homeless and have no way of feeding their six kids so are forced into the career.
Don't be a glamour model, don't work in the industry, that's fine. It's completely unfair for you to look down on an entire industry and question others right to work in it.
My DP did not exploit women, he took professional photographs of women who had been hired just like him.

motherfiver

I'm very happy to discuss any of my actual opinions with you. However, I'm not going to get drawn into a back and forth on things that I quite clearly haven't said.

You have made a whole range of statements that are nothing to do with my comments or opinions. As such, I can't really help you further with them.

Please stop projecting your own thoughts onto me and implying that I've said things that I clearly haven't.

If you want to discuss an opinion that I have expressed, then fine.

Me and DP actually met through a glamour model I was friends with, So it comes up In that conversation too.

Why would you not just say you met through a friend? Bizarre. It's almost as though you WANT to make a point that everyone knows that years ago, you husband made a living out of photographing naked young women.

When anyone asks how I met dh, I say I knew a friend of his. I do not say, I knew a friend of his who used to do glamour modelling.

Because women, generally, are spiteful and hate their lives.

Before you argue , re-read this thread and tell me I'm wrong.

@motherfiver here here...it's such an easy comment to make that everyone who works in whatever area of the sex industry is exploited, when this simply isn't true.

It's often the same women who are with those mythical creatures that wouldn't dare look at porn or a nude pic because "they have sat down and discussed the ethics of porn with their partner and they have both agreed it's not for them". I'm sure there are a few men out there like this, although minimal...all though most of which seem to have wives on mn. I'm sure your school gate mum's also hold this opinion.

Helvetica

You're wrong. Obviously.

Shegot Do you think that the fashion industry should be shut down then, as that's effectively what that does, (and it objectifies male bodies as well). Should all advertising stop - the Diet Coke ad, the Levis ad in the laundromat, Nespresso etc, because it objectifies a male? Eva Herzigova's bra ad; Sophie Dahl and the Opium ad?

Kim Kardashian uses her body as her calling card, because she can...she may never make the big bucks as a brain surgeon, but she exploits society and sucks it in to make money off her products, her apps, her TV show etc. Do you object to what she does as well?

Some of these comments 😴 the op is not in a relationship with a sex offender. The texts from
The school mums are ridiculous. Your partners previous job has absoloutely no impact on how your treated in your relationship so telling you to leave is beyond stupid. They do realise that there are more people involved with a glamour photo shoot than just your dp? What about the stylists, make up artists, set manager, caterers?? Some of those people could be women themselves so would they be telling thier (maybe male?) partners to leave?!? I highly doubt it. Your dp is not solely responsible for the glamour industry. I would have no issue with his job and it sounds like you had a perfectly normal conversation. My dp has a rather boring sales job but I’ve had in depth convos with people before about it, it’s just small talk you end up having. Ignore the ridiculous comments on here : half of those posters have invented a whole other story anyway and are not even reading your posts correctly and then making massive assumptions.

Haven't rtft but from what I have read there are some really nasty judgemental folk on mn today. Op you should be able to tell people who have asked what your husband used to do, there is no shame in it. Small village mentality.

The texts from the school mums are ridiculous.
One long text is mentioned, in which the mum expresses concern and tells op she has support. Even if this mum is misguided in her conclusions, this doesn't sound nasty to me.
This whole thread has, for the most part, been about op discussing glamour modeling. Almost as if it were engineered that way...

Don't be a glamour model, don't work in the industry, that's fine. It's completely unfair for you to look down on an entire industry and question others right to work in it

Well, I do look down on that entire industry, and I'd probably not be keen to strike up a friendship with you or your DH - I just don't think we'd get on. I wouldn't send you texts about it though. If that's happening, that's odd.

I don't think the OP understands the concept of TMI.
If someone asks me what I did last night I don't say 'Oh I had a glass of wine while cooking, then watched a movie snuggled up on the couch, then had another wine, then we sd like bunnies for an hour before he all over my then we * *'

get a grip OP and learn to zip it

Someone severely underweight wouldn't be hired in the glamour industry but they would in the fashion industry.

Oh yerr, glamour is like SO body-positive

Scaryteacher, why would I 'object' to Kim Kardashian? I don't admire her, but I don't 'object' to her.

Do you think that the fashion industry should be shut down then, as that's effectively what that does, (and it objectifies male bodies as well). Should all advertising stop

No, and no. Obviously. It is possible to advertise products and clothing without sexual objectification of women. Any objectification is wrong, in my view, but there is not the same long history, social acceptance or saturation point on this issue with men as there is with women.