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Original poster

Why are they so bitchy?

302 replies

motherfiver · 10/01/2018 23:42

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

OP posts:
Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:18

@BarbarianMum

The glamour and pornography industries are completely separate.
My DP used to work in the glamour industries, sometimes that would be taking photos of women's tits and sometimes it would be taking pictures of women in underwear of fully clothed but never pornography.
A glamour photographer is not a pornographer just like a glamour model is not a porn star.

OP posts:
Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:19

@Oliversmumsarmy

He started off as a nurse and is now becoming a doctor which is what she was telling me about.

OP posts:
OpenthePickles · 11/01/2018 11:20

He used to specialise in "taking pictures of women's tits". Which definition of pornography do you use that this doesn't fit? confused

That's not pornography, it's glamour modelling FFS!

OldPony · 11/01/2018 11:20

Small children...as opposed to big children. Lol!

Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:21

@BarbarianMum

People are only callling him a nasty sleaze because of his previous job, it is possible that they could fund that out without me telling them yes. But as he is not a nasty sleaze and on all the occasions the mums have met If have liked him, even enough to get him to photograph their children then no.

OP posts:
NameChangeCuddleBums · 11/01/2018 11:22

I find this really odd. Aren’t you a person in your own right? With your own interesting life beyond your husbands career? If asked what my husband does I say he is a doctor (without detailing his specialism) and then I talk about my own career and ask about the other persons career because I am not defined by my husband or his job.

OpenthePickles · 11/01/2018 11:23

@sadie9 I'd be especially wary of him if I had a daughter and if that daughter was a teenager. Have you a daughter?

Serioulsy, that^ is so offensive, you're bang out of order for that comment.

BarbarianMum · 11/01/2018 11:24

If the images are designed to elicit sexual excitement, which lots of glamour photography is, then it comes under the definition of pornography. Maybe your dp's work was to produce images for a breastfeeding manual on the other hand, then they were neither glamorous nor pornographic. If they were aethetic and designed to illustrate the female figure as a thing of beauty then I wonder why her caoncentrated so much on their tits.

RhiannonOHara · 11/01/2018 11:24

Name, for the love of God. Are you being deliberately obtuse to provoke or is it your comprehension skills that's the problem?

Over time the OP says she has had 'hundreds' of conversations with this woman not about her DP's career.

On one occasion she specifically showed an interest in the OP's DP's photography, so the OP answered accordingly.

Is that clearer for you?

OpenthePickles · 11/01/2018 11:26

I find this really odd. Aren’t you a person in your own right? With your own interesting life beyond your husbands career? If asked what my husband does I say he is a doctor (without detailing his specialism) and then I talk about my own career and ask about the other persons career because I am not defined by my husband or his job

GrinGrinGrin And yet here you are telling everyone what job your husband does...couldn't you have said "If asked what my husband does, I tell them what his job is"...so you've done the same as the OP but yet you're slating the OP.

Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:27

@BarbarianMum

You can think that if you want, I will presume you have never been involved in either industries so don't know the difference. But officially in real life porn and glamour are completely different, glamour photographers and pornographers are not the same and glamour models and porn stars are not the same.
You can see the similarities if you want to but you are wrong, they are not the same.

OP posts:
Eltonjohnssyrup · 11/01/2018 11:28

See I agree with the PP who posted the above - can you imagine the following conversation talking place.

Q what does your partner do
A he's a plumber
Q what sort of plumber
A domestic

No, but I can tell you for a fact a lot of conversations go:

Q: What does your husband do?
A:Plumber
Q: Oh we're getting a dishwasher put in next week. We were looking for someone, would he be interested?
A: No, he doesn't do that sort of work
Q: Oh, what sort of work does he do.
A: Commercial, maybe large builds.

So, yes, I can imagine that sort of conversation happening about photography. 'Oh, we've been looking to get DCs pics done'...

Hebenon · 11/01/2018 11:32

I will presume you have never been involved in either industries so don't know the difference

The thing is, MOST people haven't been involved in either industry and don't know the difference. So an awful lot of people will assume the two are closely linked, if not pretty much identical. I can't really see the difference, tbh. It's just a matter of degree.

metacrisis · 11/01/2018 11:36

OP given how much you have exaggerated and said completely opposing statements on here, I would say that your telling of it is not to be relied on.

Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:39

@NameChangeCuddleBums

Right. I have told this woman about my career, plenty of times. She happens to be a stay at home mum which with have spoken about on many ocassions, we have also talked about her past career.
On this occasion she chose to talk to me about her husbands career change, I was interested and I asked further.
My partners photography was of interest to her when in September she wanted him to take photos of her DC, again when she came to our house and my partner had just returned from China for work. We have had hundreds of occasions when we have had conversations completely unrelated to my DP, but here she showed further interest and asked further, so I answered further.

It's not unreasonable to recognise that being a photographer for a lot of people is more interesting than being a plumber, unless you are in the plumbing industry there's not much you can ask but people do show more of an interest in photography, as they do to similar jobs that are linked to the media/entertainment industry's.

OP posts:
MrsDrSpencerReid · 11/01/2018 11:40

My god some people on here have their judgy pants clutched up with their pearls today Hmm

OP I’d be well intrigued if you told me your DH did glamour photography! I love photography so would certainly ask what type he did.

Those mums need to pull their bloody heads in with those comments.

Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:40

@metacrisis

Where have a written any exaggerated or opposing statements? Hmm

OP posts:
mirialis · 11/01/2018 11:41

Here is how my conversation would go:

Me: What kind of photography?
OP: Wildlife.
Me: Oh wow - I'd love to do that. Does he get to travel a lot with that then?
OP: Yes he was in China recently blah, blah, blah
Me: Has he always specialised in wildlife photography or did he do other stuff before?
OP: Actually, he used to do glamour photography.
Me: Oh Blush I was going to ask if I could look at some of his work but maybe just the wildlife ones! When you say "glamour" are you talking Page 3? Playboy?

And then I'd have loads more questions too because I'm nosey! I would think it was a sleazy job to be honest - and probably would have a slight mental readjustment about him - but would not be thinking you needed to leave him if you were comfortable with it!

metacrisis · 11/01/2018 11:42

Where have a written any exaggerated or opposing statements? hmm

All the way through the thread. He's against porn/he's not opposed to porn, for one. And "shunned by parents at school for 20 years"? wtf?

Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:47

@metacrisis

He has never been in the porn industry himself as there is a lot he is against however he is not completely dismissive or judgemental towards the whole industry, he doesn't think it should be abolished for example, I don't think I have suggested overwise?
My eldest is 20, this is the first time I have began to be included by school mums. Admittedly I wasn't actively shunned for 20 years as it was only the first 10 years of DD's school life where there would be involvement with other mums, when she was a teenager it was already too late for that. Again don't think I have suggested otherwise.

OP posts:
metacrisis · 11/01/2018 11:50

There are teen mums everywhere OP, its not the 1950's. Maybe there was something else about you?

OldPony · 11/01/2018 11:51

Calm down everyone, he photos tits not vag!!
Stop pearl clutching.
The OP is totally fine with t and likes to mention it all the time.....

metacrisis · 11/01/2018 11:54

Pearl clutching? Stupid phrase that is dismissive of opinions.

GammaDelta · 11/01/2018 11:55

If they say this for a photographer I wonder what would they do for a model

Original poster
motherfiver · 11/01/2018 11:55

@metacrisis

I was the only one in DD's school when she was little?
Smalll village, local primary school, 18 children in DD's year, I was the only teen mum and that meant me and Dd got treated differently. You can't say otherwise because you weren't there.
But yes there are lots of teen mums, I have lots of friends who are teen mums.

OP posts:
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