Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

hippy but not by op or those mum's, which is the situation relevant to comment on. I'm not saying your comment is irrelevant wrt to op comments, but wrt to op/mum comments as originally reported by op.

Damn phone
Your comment is not irrelevant wrt pp comments

Not sure I understand how you were 'shunned for 20 years' if you only told them recently about the 'glamour' modelling.
If you DP has Facebook pages, etc, then if someone clicks on a 'people you might know' in Facebook, will they be brought to pictures of naked women in suggestive poses? They are sexually suggestive pictures aren't they? It's not medical photography or factual 'wildlife' pictures of humans as such.
I think you should keep quiet about the glamour modelling going forward.

@fitbitironic, my comments were aimed at those posters likening it to the porn industry,in an attempt to make op feel bad. Not all replies are related directly to what op has said, or the mum's in question, much like you replying to me.

Fair enough then

And I bet none of their partners ever looked at pictures of bare naked ladies. No not ever.

To all the people frothing on this thread, you do realise that there are actually some actual mothers out there who work in the sex industry, don't you?

@sadie9

They will be able to find pictures of his work from all areas, as glamour was the area he worked in for the majority of his career on his website and social media's there are photos of glamour shoots hes done, yes.

Why should the OP filter information??? If she’s not ashamed of her OP’s profession why should she lie?

It’s other people’s problem if they want to judge her OP.

It’s says more about their character than his.

@Hippydippydoo did you make a new user account or name change just to give your opinion on this. Were you not 'secure enough' in your own skin to use your other user name?

I would not desperately seek you out, either. Nothing to do with your husband, but women who summarily dismiss others as "bitchy" are seldom charmers in my experience.

Where are all these schools that "shun" people so easily? We have parents with a partner in prison and they are not "shunned", is this an extremely religious and conservative school?

Is there a part of you that enjoys the drama?

@paxillin

The not being desperately seeked our is not the problem, I would rather than than what I'm getting if they are so against my husbands job.

OP you can't win them all, honestly.

My job causes a bit of hysteria amongst people. I just tell them a dumbed down version of what I do. I used to tell, but I can't be arsed with the idiocy.

In fact I tell the playground twats fuck all-, not there to make friends

Meh. Not getting all the angst myself. If anyone had an issue with it and said to me, I'd tell em to get a grip and grow up.

I'd say those mums are not your friends, just ignore it, they are being immature judgemental twats. I'd happily be friends with you and your husband, and I'd probably ask him about it out of curiosity. Like how did he get into it, what sort of companies or publications did he work for, were the women treated well and happy, that sort of thing.

Just ignore them and stop worrying about it. Life's too short to worry about judgemental rude people with no manners.

In all the years at the school gate, I have never been asked such detail about my own job, let alone his. "I teach at a university and so does he" is as far as it goes. Struggling to think of anybody whose job I could describe to this level of detail. Only those who really are close friends have given me this sort of information. All the others are a doctor or work in a shop. I have no idea what shop or hospital.

Could you perhaps be pushing this unwanted information on people?

But it’s nit your husbands job. He is currently a freelancer, mainly doing animal photography. It’s (one) if your husbands previous jobs. I can honestly say that I have never requested the resume of what a friend or their husband did. You’re kissing the point many are making- most people in this thread would feel a need to tell relative strangers details about previous employment. Your family know- great, but you are looking for the drama, and your responses seem to show that too. You e mentioned this previous career multiple times, but had to get the job he actually currently does coaxed out of you. So sorry, that does look like an enjoyment of the shock factor. I couldn’t give a monkeys what someone does or has previously done in a job. It obviously holds great significance to you, and that’s fine. Anyone judging you is a bit silly, but if you or a partner has a job that’s seen as a bit risqué, I’d imagine that this is common. But a previous job, I again don’t understand how his resume seems to hold such importance in your conversations with others.

Good Grief - some people on here are quite rude! OP - some people will care and some wont. I think in the future, just say he was a photographer and if they ask if he photographed anyone famous say no (if you really must answer all questions) which you really dont have to. There is nothing to be ashamed of with what he used to do - some people just wont like it and to each his own. I have a relative who is a top newspaper photographer and sometimes he has to take pictures of women in their smalls for certain ads - we have a distintive surname (where im from) so people recognise that we're related. No one cares. Its just a job.

I wouldnt care one way or another what he does and wouldnt actively avoid you. Its all hypocitical because people like RHW gets paid millions by MnS to pose topless for ads, yet the same women who say this sort of thing is abhorent to women still shop there.

Is it closed-minded to think that a lot of pornography is exploitative? And that pornography in general is damaging to women?

Like PPs I cannot understand why you are discussing your husband’s work in such detail. Surely you have more interesting things to talk to your friends about? I have lots of school mum friends I’ve known for years and I don’t know what most of the partners do for a living. Why is this your topic of conversation? How utterly dull. Like a 1950s housewife with no life of her own

What? What a bizarre attitude.

If the OP had said her husband was an accountant, unless the person asking the question was an accountant, I think highly unlikely they would have asked more questions. However, people do ask more questions about photographers/journalists/tv and film industry etc. and I would totally have asked "what kind of photography?" and at least three or four questions after that depending on the OP's answers.

@BarbarianMum

Again we are not talking about pornography, so I don't see how that would be relevant. But yes it would be close minded to completely dismiss an whole entire industry you have no experience in as exploitive.

I’m beginning to understand why you spent 20 years shut out as a mum

You're just being nasty for the sake of it. OP has clearly stated she's only been with her DP for 6 years.

OP seriously, just ignore these women, if it wasn't this, they would probably be in your business about something else....it's given them something to talk about and focus on in their sad lives.

@mirialis

Exactly people have often asked further about what type of photography, just like if someone said they were an artist or an author I would be interested and ask more.

To the Pp who wouldn't be interested to ask further, that's fine, I wouldn't tell you further. But on this occasion I was asked further, so I answered further.

To be honest, I'd feel I had nothing in common with someone who banged on about their partner's job. I'm not particularly interested in any of my friend's husbands or what they do.

Don't you have a job? Why not talk about that?

@OldPony

I was asked further about my partners job. I have been asked further in the past about my job and when I am I answer.

I can imagine why you would specify exactly the type of photography your DH does - so that all the school Mums don't start wanting professional family photos done at Mates Rates. Well you can be sure that won't be happening now!

Tee hee

@allthgoodusernamesaretaken

DP took photos two other mums children on the first day of school actually. But yes hopefully now that won't happen again.