Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

I would report your post as being utterly fictional but I couldn't be arsed.
Yup. You've had answers and are ignoring the fact that ppl have different opinions which have been explained to you.
And also ignoring when ppl say you don't need to lie, just don't give so many details. Except now the main argument is that they could have found out from anywhere, as you only told one mum? Personally I couldn't care less, I had a friend who was an 'exotic dancer' at one time, didn't make me gossip about her at all. I'm finding it hard to believe you're getting such a massive reaction after all this time based on that one fact alone, unless there's more to it, or someone has gossiped it up out of all proportion. Maybe you come across as being more defensive (or militant) about it than you realise?

@pallisers

There isn't the same pressure on glamour models to be unhealthily thin, no.
Someone severely underweight wouldn't be hired in the glamour industry but they would in the fashion industry.

Basically a bunch of gossips who have nothing better to do have focused on your life because they like the drama of telling you to leave him, pearl clutching as others have said. Ignore them, they are nothing to you. Except I would respond to the text firmly to tell them that your DP is not a sex offender etc, and to stay out of your life.

You do realise, OP, that you don't actually have to give a very detailed response to the question of what your partner does for a living? That it is not lying to say that he photographs models/people/etc - because he does!

Also, it honestly never occurred to me that parents would allow or refuse a play date with their child due to the age of the child's mother..... My poor child is going to be so lonely if the other parents deem me "too old" and ostracise my child.....

@DarkJustBeforeDawn

I wasn't asked a stranger though, I was asked by someone I though I had a friendship with. Why would I not tell a friend more detail when asked.

They sound very small minded. It would not bother me in the slightest. Out of curiosity - are you quite glamorous yourself? They could be putting two and two together and assuming you were a model of his and corrupted by him in some way. They probably think they are are trying to save you.

I would ignore these suggestions about not telling people or trying to pretend it is some other form of photography. If people are small minded enough to avoid you because of this then they are probably not worth bothering with.

Perhaps because the level of detail is not required! You don't have to give the finest detail, just a general answer.

Certain things don't need to be answered in minute detail - for example, I've recently had multiple surgeries, my immediate family and a few very close friends know exactly what the issues were. Everyone else knows that it was "gastro/stomach related".

The level of detail in an answer is entirely dependent on what it is appropriate for that person to know. I don't answer that I can't or won't tell them the medical details, I just give an entirely truthful but general answer to their question that contains the socially accepted amount of detail.

Does anyone actually say 'glamour photography' in rl?

Why would I not tell a friend more detail when asked
Are you being deliberately obtuse? You don't tell ppl that particular level of detail because you will get exactly the response you are moaning about here (from some ppl). How can you not see this?

Bette they do! Other's call it "pin up" if it's retro inspired.

Some make tonnes of cash photographing girls and putting the pics on their social media.

cheap I thought retro pin up girls had clothes on, at least in all the places I've seen them, they do!

Man people are picky in the wee small hours

I find it very hard to believe you were shunned for 20 years being a teen mum. I had 2 kids by 18 and have never been shunned! Maybe you believe it was because you were a teen mum but perhaps it was something else, I don't hang around chronic oversharers and if you had told me what your DP did I would want nothing to do with him. I work for a place that tried to get equality and that sort of profession doesn''t help.

He doesn’t do it anymore, and whenever someone has told me they are a photographer, my response is “cool” not do you take pictures of tits or buildings. Whilst it’s pathetic they view glamour photography as being akin to being a predatory sex offender, I’m sorry, you went into far more detail with strangers than you needed to. They didn’t ask for his resume- and by your own admission he doesn’t still do it. At uni I did life modelling- great pay, minimum effort. Acquaintances and strangers don’t know, as they don’t need to. You have brought the speculation on your partner by telling a group of strangers he used to photograph naked women. Given how judgmental people (school mums) can be, and by your own admission you’ve never gotten along with them except recently, you gave great unecesary ammunition- so yup. You were unreasonable

Someone severely underweight wouldn't be hired in the glamour industry but they would in the fashion industry.

So what? It’s still an industry that objectifies women and offers our bodies up for consumption. Sure those girls did it voluntarily but that doesn’t stop the effect it has on women and girls at large. Maybe these women were affected by it too, having to put up with such crap in their teens, feeling it was unfair but being told that it was no big deal. Your husband was part of that.

Anyway I’m sorry they’re ignoring you but it feels like something else happened. When the Mum asked you and you answered, did you also give the line that you gave us that these girls did it out of their own choice and no one was hurt? Because if so I’d be too and think you weren’t very savvy.

You told too much information and I genuinely think that it’s possible they are concerned for you.

Well this is clearly fake lol.

Most people: My partner's a photographer.

OP: My partner's a photographer. They used to specialise in glamour photography. That's taking pictures of women's tits in case you didn't know.

Well it could have come up, in a roundabout way during a wider conversation about women represented in the media, modelling, nudity, porn, glamour, double standards on beauty etc. I don't see why so many people are just assuming that the OP announced it, apropos of nothing.

There is a well known poster on here whose DP is an artist and likes to paint very glamorous and sensual paintings of naked women (including her) iirc. I wonder if people warn her about her being in a relationship with 'a pornographer' in the same way the OP is being warned here?

All things considered,and maybe a lesson learned about oversharing, I have a question I reckon you should be asking OP.

The reactions of the women in the playground are extreme. The level of faux concern you are getting is way past that you'd get from "my husband used take topless pictures of women". What did this woman say to everyone ?
I'd be nicely asking the woman you told this infomation to , what she actually said when she shared with the world your husbands past profession. Explain the volume of comments etc and the e-mail you have received, and include the fact that since she was the only person you told you know it was her. Tell her your husand is not a child molester or an abuser and you are most curious as to why half the school seems to think he is.

Whatever she said it was was NOT what you shared with her. She has embellished or something got lost in translation.

No of course they wouldn't Astrid, because being an artist is socially acceptable and gauche, whereas being a glamour photographer isn't. Similarly if she'd said 'he's a fashion photographer' no one would have batted an eye, and if fact some might have found that to be fairly glamorous, never mind that fashion shoots often feature scantily clad people and can be just as, if not more, exploitative.
Some of the responses on this thread have been horrible.
Op was asked by a friend for more detail about her h's work. Not unusual. I've asked good friends about their husbands work before. They've asked me re my dp's.
She has been honest because a) she is fine with it, b) it's not illegal.
They have judged it, decided it's not to their taste and told her her marriage is awful, her husband is awful and she's in danger. And that's ok is it? To denigrate someone's marriage like that? Absolutely absurd.
He's taken some pictures of some women in the past. He doesn't even do it now.
I wonder if all the judgy women's husbands are white than white. I expect they've never read FHM or watched porn or done things in the past that their now wife might find distasteful

I'd see you socially OP. Your husband's job does not dictate your personality and I am not so shallow to allow it to dictate a friendship. I don't think you are missing out on anything with the School Mums. Like some posters on here, they sound awful.

I can imagine why you would specify exactly the type of photography your DH does - so that all the school Mums don't start wanting professional family photos done at Mates Rates. Well you can be sure that won't be happening now!

I expect someone has embellished what you said, as people do, and they now all think he is Hugh Hefner.

I would text back something like. "Oh dear, I think you have misunderstood me. DH used to do glamour photography. That's Page 3 of the Sun. Not porn, he would never do that in a million years. I know the difference and have no "fears" for myself or my daughters, thank you."

Ha, yes being a fashion photographer involves working with scantily clad anorexic women, which is fine and perfectly healthy non-exploitative stuff, mostly looked at by other women, whereas glamour photography involves working with scantily clad women with some actual flesh on their bones and will be looked at mostly by men, which is therefore deeply unhealthy and very exploitative.

They aren't biscuits

“ live in the US - home of the questions. no one would ask this. And no one would answer the way you did.

Because no one on gives a shit what a random woman's husband does for a living.

I would report your post as being utterly fictional but I couldn't be arsed.”

What utter bullshit. Everyone. PFT. Hundreds of thousands of these conversations on a daily basis with random people, more like. Ditto on reporting your post as utterly fictional if I could be arsed.

I don’t understand why you’d need to share what your DH used to do. If asked about his job, why not talk about what he is currently doing?

I can’t think of any time where I’ve ever be asked about my DP’s full CV and needed to provide details about previous occupations or specialties.