Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

@BulletFox

It's not a dark secret? Plenty of people in are area know, all our family and friends know. I was asked so I answered, as I said I can't exactly say I'm not allowed to say can I?

@FreudianSlurp

I am comfortable in most things sharing when asked, not secrets or private things but my adult child or my partners career are not secrets they are both things that all our family and friends know about.
I was asked what type of photography my partner has done so I answer because it's not a secret.

I don't think they should tell you to leave him, no.

Do I think they can judge and choose not to associate with him/you? Yep.

We all judge, you judge them as bitchy. We go through life making judgements, it's a pretty fundamental part of society.

What on earth did you tell them?

if I asked what your partner did for a living (do people actually do that in the UK??? I thought it was purely a US thing), and you replied "he is a photographer who used to do glamour shots" I'd probably be a bit "well I didn't expect that". Mostly because I really wouldn't want that level of detail - even in the US.

And frankly I don't approve of people taking photos of womens tits so other people can get a bit of a rise. Nothing to do with how empowered the women, the photographer,or his wife are - just my judgement on this industry.

So if you told me your husband was a "glamour shot" photographer. Yes I would judge him. I judge bankers too (more) if it is any consolation.

@FreudianSlurp

He is and never has been a portrait photographer, not sure why I would lie and say that?

The husband of one of my friends is a photographer. I have never asked him what type of photography he does. I think you're overestimating people's interest in this. The phrase 'oh, all sorts' is useful for people who do ask more questions.

Parents overwhelmingly want their children to have a time of innocence and protection, before they get older and encounter the harsh realities of life, so it was introducing quite an adult topic in a school setting.

It's done now anyway, you have to trot on.

I've worked with a lot of photographers, even on art nude shoots. It's a job and nothing else for 99% of them. Some I have worked with over and over again because they're respectful, professional and take great photos
There is a lot of unwritten rules, simple things like don't touch a model ever, even if it's to move a strand of hair or tuck a label in. Don't be in the same room when they're changing, even if you're taking nude photos. Don't comment on their body, unless it's to instruct a specific pose
I can feel much safer naked with a photographer than I can in a bar

@FreudianSlurp

I can't keep my child a secret and this is the first time in 6 year I have ever had a negative response from my partners job.

Is this his current job? Or he's moved on to something completely unrelated now?

@BulletFox

I didn't talk about it at the school assembly, I told one mother with no children around.

@KungFuEric

He still does photography, just not glamour.

@FreudianSlurp

I'm 36, if I turned up with my 20 year old Dd and my 2 year old Dd I think it would be pretty obvious.

Can you understand why people are ill at ease with publishing pictures of young women's breasts for sexual gratification?

@Ollivander84

Thankyou that's very accurate, 100% I feel more comfortable with a glamour photographer than I do with most men.

motherfiver I wasn't trying to suggest that

But some people would have strong reactions. You can't control what other people think. You can reflect back however. You have to know your audience, basically

@FreudianSlurp

But it would be obvious, my 2 year old is obviously 2 and my eldest would clearly by 18+. You wouldn't know my exact age no but with a gap between my children that big and having an adult child people already know I was young when I had her.
That problem isn't as much know anyway but when I was 20 with a 4 year old you would be able to tell I was a teen mum.

I suspect it's because it's glamour. It still has a bad rep. My friend works as one, another works as a dominatrix. They're both incredibly switched on and know exactly what they're doing, it's a job to both of them and nothing else
Fine art nude photos can display anything from depression to strength to athleticism to love and it doesn't get the same reputation as such
But they're both effectively still taking nude photos