Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

@FreudianSlurp

People ask questions, I didn't jump to say he was a glamour photographer, I talked about the photography he did last year in China but I was asked further so I answered. People ask what magazines his works been published in or what models he's worked with, I'm not going to lie.
I don't tell everyone I meet he used to do that but if I'm asked it's not a secret, he tells people, our friends and family know and I thought I had made a friendship with this woman so I told her.

Well what did you expect when you told them your husband worked in pornography?

@FreudianSlurp

Okay, it was a problem while Dd was is primary/junior school and I was shunned, I guess when she was older there wasn't there situations for me to be shunned so it stopped being a problem.
What I meant was I have been a mother for 20 year and it's only now I have had little ones at a sensible age people are beginning to see that.

Why detail it? Just say he’s a photographer ?

@FreudianSlurp

They could of found out from anyone, they could google his name they could talk to their neighbours etc who we may be mutual friends with, their partners could meet mine.
It's not a secret, loads of people know about it, it would be more foolish for me to try and lie and for them to find out anyway.
I didn't respect this reaction, I've never had that kind of reaction before. Obviously some people will quietly disapprove and not invest time in us but I've never gad this kind of rude comments.

Wow, a lot of pearl clutching going on here! For a moment, I thought I strayed into the Daily Moan comment section. I've had commissions by pin-up models and the glamour photographers, I met in this field, were among the most respectful and polite guys I have ever encountered. Unlike a couple of sleaze ball fashion photographers I would like to add. I am sorry about the level of judgy pant hoikers you had to deal with OP both in real life and on here.

@LemonysSnicket

That's what I had said before but on this occasion I was talking to another mum about her husbands career and she asked me what kind of photography my partner has done, do people really think if I'm asked I should say I can't say!?

strawberries that's a wider debate.

Seems like here, the OP didn't understand the context within which she's operating and feels hurt and rejected by people's responses.

The only thing she can do is question attitudes, try to zone it out and move on.

Why did you feel the need to explain it was for David bailey strawberries? Is it because he is a respected fashion/portrait photographer who's photographed the queen? You're comparing apples and oranges when this thread is clearly about glamour photography, a known euphemism for titilating erotica/soft porn.

There can be duality to the same issues. Nudity isn't a bad thing, breasts can be functional and sexual.

@strawberriesaregood @TemptressofWaikiki

Thankyou these are the responses we are used to!

Professional studio, professional model for professional purposes. My DP has refused work In the fashion industry because of the pressure on models to be unhealthily thin.
As a photography anyway he has no say in the models which are hired, how they look, are styled and dressed etc, he literally would turn up and take their photos

@KungFuEric

My DP is a professional photographer, he would photograph professional glamour models for professional use.
He didn't take photos of teen girls in his basement.
He would of been hired by a company to take photographs of a model that they have also hired.

Are you sure about that op? Never photographed an 18/19 year old? That must be quite unusual within the glamour industry.

If my friend said their DH was a photographer I wouldn’t think to ask ‘what does he photograph?’ It’s weird they’ve asked. I’d just assume weddings, babies, the occasional landscape! I don’t know why they care? Is there another reason they’re off with you? Has there been a falling out?
Also, I know this may be of little interest to you but ‘would of’ isn’t an actual phrase, it’s would have. I say this kindly as I didn’t realise I was getting it wrong either.

I think you have to accept that some people will have prejudices against your husband's past career. You can continue to happily discuss his career proudly and live with these silly comments, or be a bit more cautious talking about it to strangers.

I wouldn't know you were 36 or that your DD was 20, unless you told me.
Exactly. I know a few people who were/are teenage parents. I couldn't care less. I judge them on their personality and their actions; not how old they were when they gave birth. Especially so when I initially meet them many years later.

If you've been shunned for 20 years then I suspect that there's something else going on.

They could of found out from anyone, they could google his name they could talk to their neighbours etc who we may be mutual friends with
Why would anyone care enough to do those things? (The only time I might google someone's spouse is if they're an actor). I've never even had a conversation where I've been directly asked, or have asked, "what does your spouse do?" How peculiar to ask someone that. I can't think how it'd be at all relevant to my interactions with the person I'm talking to. If it comes up naturally in conversation at some later point, then fine, but to ask about it during an initial conversation? Weird. I'm glad I don't live somewhere that that's the norm.

@KungFuEric

Not in his basement, no.
If they have managed to become an established glamour model by 18 to be hired by one of the firms he worked with then maybe. But as he has never hired a model himself and he just turned up to take the photos he wouldn't of been made aware of the models full personal details

You left your relationship open for discussion and gossip when you started telling people about it.

If you want to mind your own business then dont give out so much personal info

If my friend said their DH was a photographer I wouldn’t think to ask ‘what does he photograph?’ It’s weird they’ve asked. I’d just assume weddings, babies, the occasional landscape! I don’t know why they care?

Precisely. If OP is volunteering this information without prompting then it just sounds goady to me.

My DH works in a profession that has many different branches. If I offhandedly mention that sector, it'd be very rare for anyone to ask which particular area he specialises in.

Of* you mean have

But as he has never hired a model himself and he just turned up to take the photos he wouldn't of been made aware of the models full personal details

But this paragon never did regular modeling photography because of the pressure on these women to be thin. Do glamour models not feel this pressure? Does he think they deserve less consideration.

God this thread is tedious.

@Softkitty2

It's not personal info, it's his job.
This woman I thought was my friend, we spoke about her husbands career and she asked about my partners photography, since it's not a secret, I answered.