Why are they so bitchy?

[motherfiver]

Basically DP who I have happily been with for 6 years and had two children With is a photographer, he used to specialise in glamour photography (basically taking photos of women’s tits). He is the most respectful man I have ever met and part of this is down to his career in the industry.
After spending my last 20 years as a mother being shunned by other parents at school I’ve just began to make friends, or at least acquaintances I can chat to a drop off and pick up.
But after chatting about are partners jobs with one other mum before Christmas , our relationship has become the gossip of the playground, it really does seem like we are the ones at school.
Dp now just gets ignored or stared during the school run and I’ve had constant ‘leave him’ ‘he’ll cheat’ ‘he doesn’t respect women’ ‘how can you be with him’ ‘get out now’ ‘how can you let him near your daughters’ etc from a group of about 5/6 other mums and these aren’t just jokey comments.
I was sent a long serious text from another mother expressing her concern for me and my daughters and how her and the other mums would be there to support me get out of the relationship.
It’s like I said he was a convicted sex offender!

I guess I’m just ranting I already know I’m not being unreasonable but surely they could just be less bitchy and worry about their own relationships?

I can't believe how many judgmental people have responded to you on here OP! I am actually shocked. If you had told me that in the playground I would have been interested and wouldn't have thought anything negative at all. There is a glamour model who is a contestant on Celebrity Big Brother at the moment, it seems to be a completely normal and even sought after career choice for women these days so why is their photographer being demonised. I would say that I wouldn't want such narrow minded friends anyway if I were you but it is hard if it is everyone at school. Just hold your head up high, keep being friendly and try and brazen it out until you meet the ones that are more open minded as there must be some nice Mums at the school. Poor you though. I don't think you did anything wrong at all.

Wow! So many holier-than-thou pearl clutchers here. You guys are so pure and innocent. Gtfo.
OP, you don’t need these people. Fuck em.
In my experience, It’s heartbreaking to go to a 7yo’s Party and take the only kid because her mum had done soft porn in her youth.
It’s not contagious, people do whatever to survive. Party girl’s mum was a porn actress, so fucking what?
Some commenters here are disgusting.

As a PP said up thread, the new Puritanism is very boring. I would see you socially OP, but then, I'm married to someone trained to kill people for a living, as are most HM Forces spouses!

Did anyone see the pics of Rosie HW doing a shoot for M&S, topless? She earned $9.5 million doing things like that, but that's OK isn't it? What about those who photograph her, or the Victoria's Secret shoots? Are they belong the pale too, or because the models are famous, it's different?

My brother is a photographer. Noone has ever asked me anymore detail than that. Ever.

Yep. Exactly. Puritanism. I can't wait until we get through this phase. I hope it's over before I get too old. People with their judgementalism and policing of other people's activities and thoughts are awful.

There is a glamour model who is a contestant on Celebrity Big Brother at the moment, it seems to be a completely normal and even sought after career choice for women these days
Jesus, I really hope my DC aspire to more than showing off their bits to titillate others... Don't particularly care if that makes me a judgemental pearl clutcher

Lots of judgmental prudes here on MN!

These women are being bitches, and interfering ones at that. It's absolutely no business of theirs what his job is, and they are behaving like hysterics because he takes photos of naked women. I bet you anything their husbands look at porn sometimes - I don't see how that's any different!

Pornography is an industry like any other and we should be glad that it employs respectful and decent men like your partner. People who assume it's automatically sleazy and unprofessional are coming from a place of prejudice rather than fact.

I don't really know what to suggest, but wanted to let you know that I think they're totally unreasonable and that you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

Yorkshiremummy well said! I feel sorry for you that people can be so narrow minded OP. Primark must have had a massive sale of judgy pants recently... just rise above them and move on.

I bet you anything their husbands look at porn sometimes - I don't see how that's any different!
So what? Not everyone likes that either.

Why are people so shocked that I could be asked further by a friend? This is a women who had been in my house with our DC.
That's what we were talking about, I asked about her husbands medical career and I was asked further my partners
All of our family and friends know and I have never had this level of judgement. It's not a secret, I don't need to lie about it.

Sorry OP in a rush. I think your partners job is interesting. I’d be fascinated to hear about it and would happily be your friend. I might have told people in the playground though because I would have been so intrigued. Can’t belive how small minded people are. Sorry this has upset you but people who are so judgemental are probably not worth being friends with anyway. Hugs.

Look at it as a blessing in disguise. They are saying to you ‘hey lady we are the bitchy bunch with no lives’
Seriously laugh at them! Go in & hold your heads up & smile at least you know what they are like!!!!

Thankyou for the supportive messages.

I'm aware it's not the most everyday job, and it has of course raised eyebrows before but never this level of rudeness. They don't have to marry my partner, they don't even have to talk to us if they feel uncomfortable but but the level of bitchiness is uncalled for.

I thought, according to mumsnet, boobs were inoffensive! Remember that thread where the ladies flashed at firemen? Apparently just a body part.

Think what you like about the career in question and think what you like about what OP said to someone she considered a friend. But do either of those things mean it's okay for other people to say that OP's husband is a potential cheat and a danger to his children and wife? Really?! Because the message I'm taking away from this thread is, 'Yeah sure, her husband has been accused of being a potential paedophile, but the real issue here is that I don't like the fact that he used to take photos of tits and that OP isn't suitably ashamed of that'. Good grief.

How would mumsnet of responded if I'd said I'm a former glamour model who was getting this level of judgement from school mums?
Would I be deserving or get sympathies.
What if I was the makeup artist or the stylist from the same shoots?

Boobs are fine unless working class men look at them face.

I'm surprised people asked for more info. I have a family members who's a photographer. No one has ever asked what could of photography they do.

My wedding photographer has now branched into doing pole dancing photo shoots. These shoots leave very little to the imagination, sometimes the male or female is naked and think lying in the ground legs akimbo holding the pole, I think it's sleazy and just because she's a woman doesn't make it okay. I do think glamour modelling photography is similar. I wouldn't tell you to leave your partner though.

@fitbitironic - I'm saying it's hypocritical of these women to asssume OPs partner is a danger to kids for photographing tits when their husbands probably look at them! The point is that being involved in an industry where consenting adults are sometimes naked doesn't make OPs partner sleazy / dangerous / a paedophile, and the interfering hysteria of these women is totally unreasonable and uncalled for.

@MorbidBibliophile - couldn't agree more with what you said!

For what it’s worth, I’ve no issue with the ages of other mums, one of my best friends had her fiirst DC at 16, and her second at 40.

And if I did somehow find out that a class dad used to be a glamour photographer it wouldn’t bother me. What would bother me though is if his wife felt the need to talk about it.

Like PPs I cannot understand why you are discussing your husband’s work in such detail. Surely you have more interesting things to talk to your friends about? I have lots of school mum friends I’ve known for years and I don’t know what most of the partners do for a living. Why is this your topic of conversation? How utterly dull. Like a 1950s housewife with no life of her own.

I'm just surprised that glamour modelling is still an actual thing. Back in the 80's, yes, what with Linda Lusardi and her ilk. I didn't think there would still be a market for it nowadays.
Totally accept I'm well out of the loop on this sort of thing, mind.

“The glamour industry”

@JockTamsonsBairns

That's why he's moved on from that industry now, but it is still a thing as pp pointed out their is a glamour model in cbb at the moment.

pmsl @ this thread

look a simple - 'he's a photographer' would do - not 'and 20 years ago he used to take pictures of tits ...but not now' is over kill

learn to share less and stop enjoying the drama