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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ‘setting up daughter as target for bullying’

228 replies

Mumyum1 · 09/01/2018 14:28

So my daughter is 10 days old and the name I have chosen for her would give her the initials A.S.S.

DH is not having it. He wants the ‘A’ changed to ‘i’ so it would be I.S.S. The pronounciation of the first name would be the same but the cultural connotation (for his and my (different) culture) of the A spelling would be lost and that’s really important to me. Our children’s names have always been a lovely bridge between our two cultures. Even his parents who were opposed to our relationship love our children’s names for their meanings and symbolism.

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur however I don’t want to be the ass either, who wants it her way or the high way. Just so hard to be objective when the spelling of the name in my mind carries a lot of weight.

All opinions welcome. (Our previous two took us 6 weeks to agree on everything and both visits to registry office saw us barely speaking to each other. With the second one I felt so sorry for the poor registrar who witnessed our (civilised) disagreement over the spelling of DC2’s name. (I didn’t win). So this agreeing on a name in the first week is pretty awesome).

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 09/01/2018 14:29

Will she ever just be writing the 3 initials? I think its a non issue

dementedpixie · 09/01/2018 14:30

Or put in an extra middle name so its not just those 3?

SeaEagleFeather · 09/01/2018 14:32

I wouldn't do it myself. Plans to grow a strong human may work out but it partly depends on the inborn nature of the child too. The teenage years can be pretty tender.

At the very least, you're giving her a middle name she will never be able to use or write on forms.

milliemolliemou · 09/01/2018 14:32

I wouldn't do it. Can you change the middle name?

Branleuse · 09/01/2018 14:32

i dont think anyone would make the connection really, or if they did it would be a very short lived laugh. If really worried though, easy enough to add another name in there

Nikephorus · 09/01/2018 14:33

Will she ever just be writing the 3 initials?
At some point in her life she's bound to. And even if not, at school she'll potentially put A.S.Surname on stuff and kids will ridicule it. It's just not worth it.
Plus you should both be agreeing on the name, not just one.

Leicesterpiggott · 09/01/2018 14:33

Is it Ayla v Isla? Both lovely if it is. Agreed with pp - can you add in another middle name to stop the ass connotations??

niknac1 · 09/01/2018 14:34

I wouldn’t give a child ASS as their initials, just as I would avoid WC, not saying I’m right but that’s my ghoughts

thethoughtfox · 09/01/2018 14:34

That is too much a temptation for teasing

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 09/01/2018 14:35

I wouldn't want my initials to spell ass.

Could you change the middle name, if you are definite about not changing the A to I?

Aridane · 09/01/2018 14:35

I would have thought her initials would just be AS - since when would a middle name initial be included? So I don't see the problem

ASDismynormality · 09/01/2018 14:35

I do t really see a big problem as she will rarely write it out like that. If it's really a huge issue for your DH then give her an extra middle name.

NeverTwerkNaked · 09/01/2018 14:36

why not change the middle name or add a middle name if you are worried?

tinygirlsmum · 09/01/2018 14:36

This is exactly the reason I refused to double barrel our child's surname. I didn't want the initials ASS

irregularegular · 09/01/2018 14:36

My daughter's initials would have been SAD, so I added an additional short middle name. I'd probably do the same here.

Ikanon · 09/01/2018 14:36

As the A name is so important why don't you have a conversation about the S name?

BangPippleGo · 09/01/2018 14:38

Another vote for throwing in an extra middle name, that way you get all the names you love plus another, and avoid the issue entirely

WhoDoDatLikeDat · 09/01/2018 14:39

I don't think a child would be "bullied" for having initials ASS. They might have their leg pulled a couple of times but I wouldn't see this as the basis for a campaign of bullying and ensuing misery for your child.

Children will always find some flaw in other children to tease them with- their initials, their mum's shoes, their dog's name, their parents' car, their house number.

I went to school with a girl whose initials were BJ and a boy whose were GAY. Both learned to say "get fucked" pretty early in high school and were fine. The teasing then turned to the girl who lived at 69 Canal Street where the 'C' had been painted over in her street name.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/01/2018 14:41

Can’t you just change the middle name, if the first name is so important?

ParanoidGynodroid · 09/01/2018 14:41

I don't think I knew or realised any of my friends' full initials when I was at school... and as PP's have said, it's rare to just write 3 initial like that, it's usually two. I doubt anyone will notice.

CeciliaBartolli · 09/01/2018 14:43

ISS err no. Looks like ISIS.

Jaxhog · 09/01/2018 14:43

An extra middle name seems like the best solution. Just not something beginning with 'R'.

Mishappening · 09/01/2018 14:43

I would alter the middle names, either by choosing another or adding another.

Aridane · 09/01/2018 14:44

I would have thought her initials would just be AS - since when would a middle name initial be included? So I don't see the problem

MissDuke · 09/01/2018 14:44

My dd has 'A.S' as her initials - no middle name. I was a bit concerned it would still lead to problems but decided in the end to go with it. The only time I have saw her initials used was on her school leavers hoodie but she said no comments were made.

I realise AS is totally different to ASS by the way, but was still worried some idiots would still decide to pronounce AS as ASS and take the piss. Thankfully not!

My son's initials on his leavers hoodie will be BS, hoping that goes ok too haha, I think it should be fine - I think most initials can be turned into something by determined bullies to be fair!