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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be ‘setting up daughter as target for bullying’

228 replies

Mumyum1 · 09/01/2018 14:28

So my daughter is 10 days old and the name I have chosen for her would give her the initials A.S.S.

DH is not having it. He wants the ‘A’ changed to ‘i’ so it would be I.S.S. The pronounciation of the first name would be the same but the cultural connotation (for his and my (different) culture) of the A spelling would be lost and that’s really important to me. Our children’s names have always been a lovely bridge between our two cultures. Even his parents who were opposed to our relationship love our children’s names for their meanings and symbolism.

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur however I don’t want to be the ass either, who wants it her way or the high way. Just so hard to be objective when the spelling of the name in my mind carries a lot of weight.

All opinions welcome. (Our previous two took us 6 weeks to agree on everything and both visits to registry office saw us barely speaking to each other. With the second one I felt so sorry for the poor registrar who witnessed our (civilised) disagreement over the spelling of DC2’s name. (I didn’t win). So this agreeing on a name in the first week is pretty awesome).

OP posts:
tigerrun · 09/01/2018 16:28

All legal documents tend to be initialled on each page, my sons pegs outside his classroom are initials, kids belongings quite often are marked with initials to identify them, you initial cashback on the receipt if you get it at the same time as shopping...they are a few that spring to mind immediately. ASS seems a little unfair. I'd echo PP's suggestions that you add in another middle name to break it up, would be a bit anti ISS for similar reasons (sounds like ISIS).

PizzaPower · 09/01/2018 16:28

I wouldn’t worry OP, as others have said, it’s not often that all three initials are written down.
My best mate is PMT, we had a quick laugh (when his Mum, of all people told me). But that was it. It never came up at school or elsewhere as a bullying issue.

Notreallyarsed · 09/01/2018 16:28

My parents realised that my brother’s initials were going to be DIM so they added another name. It’s a shame really because he is Grin

I’d swap the names round and use her middle name as her first name.

lifetothefull · 09/01/2018 16:29

change to SAS. Then no one will mess with her!

Chowmum · 09/01/2018 16:29

Girls were obsessed with middle names when I was a child - often refused to believe I didn't have a middle name. I don't.

nancy75 · 09/01/2018 16:30

My initials are NOB it’s seriously never been a problem, I think some posters are going a bit ott with how bad ASS would be!

TheAntiBoop · 09/01/2018 16:31

In my line of work (and many others I am sure) it is common to use initials to sign things off. If you have common initials the newer person uses their middle name.

I wouldn't want to sign everything off 'ASS' but it would make her memorable!

Notreallyarsed · 09/01/2018 16:32

@lifetothefull DS2s initials are ARPG (a rocket propelled grenade - RPG) his ex army Dad and uncle found that hilarious when they realised!

waterlily200 · 09/01/2018 16:35

We ruled out our favourite middle name as the initials would have been ARSe. So I think it is important to think of these things however ultimately the final decision is yours. I'd change the middle name or add an extra name.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/01/2018 16:36

Never used initials in primary school.

Used for log in at secondary.

Used as email address at university. Ie [email protected]

Used for everything at old work. (I select ages trying to work out who “FIB” was as I was supposed to pass something onto him - “File in bin”.)

Never used in current work.

So it could be used never, could be used constantly.

WhyOhWine · 09/01/2018 16:40

I have a friend with initials TOS. He was known as tosser through most of school. He is a strong personality so was able to deal with it well but would much prefer not to have had to. He is now a lawyer and his initials are included as part of the reference on his letters and documents.

Witchend · 09/01/2018 16:43

Put it this way someone I know got as far as year 5 before the loving classmates pointed out his initials were YNUP, otherwise known as Backwards PUNY....
Parents had considered initials but hadn't thought of looking at them backwards.

RavenWings · 09/01/2018 16:43

Oh for the love of God... don't call your child A.S.S. Change your own name to it if it's so wonderful. God forbid your husband have some say in his child's name, after all.

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur however I don’t want to be the ass either, who wants it her way or the high way.

That's nice, dear. However she's an independent being, so despite your feelings on how she'll grow, you can't guarantee it.

Change the middle name or add in a second one, it's not hard.

strawberrypenguin · 09/01/2018 16:44

I would keep the A spelling and add in another middle name.

Coconutspongexo · 09/01/2018 16:47

ISS looks nothing like ISIS Hmm

More like you know International Space Station..

BeyondThePage · 09/01/2018 16:48

People make fun of all sorts of initials though. my colleague at work had initials RS - people, at least mentally, made it ARSE... because he was one!

YesMam · 09/01/2018 16:50

I'd swap the names around tbh. You're naming an adult as well as a child so you need to make sure that the name works for both. One of my neighbours has called her first born SpringRose Lu-Lu!

I kid you not. The poor child!

BrownTurkey · 09/01/2018 16:56

My married initials are similar and I hate it - I have the dilemma of asking admin to use an alternative, which draws attention to the issue, or just putting up with it.

Pigeonpost · 09/01/2018 16:57

Extra middle name. As long as said middle name doesn't start with R...

overnightangel · 09/01/2018 16:58

You’re putting your own vanity ahead of your child really

Lashalicious · 09/01/2018 17:00

There’s the Johnny Cash song about the man whose father called him Sue. He hated his father for it and hunted him down. And found out he named him that to make him strong and able to stand up for himself which he was.

I have a funny looking and sounding last name and yes I was teased about it but it was good natured teasing, I never felt bullied over it. Then later I added my dh’s last name which is also unusual and kind of funny. Oh well! Haha. I don’t really give it a thought as neither name is derogatory, and neither does our dc. The fact is, having a plain old boring name is really not the norm anyway.

That said, I made sure my dc’s initials were free of any connotations. That is the test every parent does when choosing names for their children. No way would I give anyone I loved ASS initials. Words and initials do mean something after all. They stand for ideas and I wouldn’t do the ASS name. Give her two middle names if your heart is set on the first two names in that order, or change the S middle name.

agentdaisy · 09/01/2018 17:01

If the A spelling means so much to you then either change the S middle name or add another middle name.

At some schools it wouldn't be noticed, in others there might be some low level teasing but in others she'd be ripped to shreds. A girl at my high school had the initials CJD, this was around the time that mad cow disease had been in the news, and was called "mad cow" through most of high school.

I just couldn't give a child initials that spell a word that leaves them open to teasing at best and bullying, it's for this reason that dd2 has an extra middle name.

It's all very well setting out to raise a "strong human" (don't we all) but it doesn't always work out like that.

Snowdrop18 · 09/01/2018 17:04

Confused
ASSumed it was a double barrelled surname

I used to work with an ASS who was horrible but nonetheless I put minutes of meetings with their contributions under AS.

But no, I'd not inflict ASS on anyone, child or adult. Nor ISS. So I'm afraid I'm saying change the first name.

As for cultural significance, I was named for that and I'm changing as soon as my parents are gone. I hate having a name that links to their culture and not mine.

AlwaysaLittleBitTired · 09/01/2018 17:05

I would not want those initials. In work we constantly use our full initials in finance systems and memos etc. Constant reminder.

I also like the suggestion of an additional middle name. Is that an option?

TheWhisperingSky · 09/01/2018 17:05

Don't do it! The middle name crops up everywhere. University I was given an unchangeable automated email [first initial][second initial]Surname which spells an equally embarrassing word.
Thought I'd managed to escape but I've just started a new job and the same has happened again. Totally impractical because I'm no longer known by the name which starts with my first initial so no one links my email with me!
Please don't do it. Her classmates will notice at some point. Change the middle one or add another.