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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be ‘setting up daughter as target for bullying’

228 replies

Mumyum1 · 09/01/2018 14:28

So my daughter is 10 days old and the name I have chosen for her would give her the initials A.S.S.

DH is not having it. He wants the ‘A’ changed to ‘i’ so it would be I.S.S. The pronounciation of the first name would be the same but the cultural connotation (for his and my (different) culture) of the A spelling would be lost and that’s really important to me. Our children’s names have always been a lovely bridge between our two cultures. Even his parents who were opposed to our relationship love our children’s names for their meanings and symbolism.

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur however I don’t want to be the ass either, who wants it her way or the high way. Just so hard to be objective when the spelling of the name in my mind carries a lot of weight.

All opinions welcome. (Our previous two took us 6 weeks to agree on everything and both visits to registry office saw us barely speaking to each other. With the second one I felt so sorry for the poor registrar who witnessed our (civilised) disagreement over the spelling of DC2’s name. (I didn’t win). So this agreeing on a name in the first week is pretty awesome).

OP posts:
SueSueDonahue · 09/01/2018 15:37

Middle initials are frequently used in work email addresses.

I'd add an extra middle name.

PoisonousSmurf · 09/01/2018 15:37

My eldest's DD initials are TB.
She doesn't get teased about it and she's in year 12!

Greggers2017 · 09/01/2018 15:41

As the sister of a man who's initials are STD I really wouldn't go there. Why would you even want to?
I'm sure your child and future teasing chances should come before name preference.

LinoleumBlownapart · 09/01/2018 15:41

I'm 40 and I don't think I've ever written my initials only on anything. My 70 year old uncle realised last year that his initials spelt S.A.M. So I'm assuming that he's never used only his initials either. If you write A.S.Smith it doesn't spell ass, it spells assmith. I think it's a non-issue. Most kids would be well past the bullying age by the time they cared or noticed what/how initials spell out.

LinoleumBlownapart · 09/01/2018 15:44

STD is a bit different because it's not a word. Most people look at S.T.D and say it that way. A.S.S is not read out as ass.

GottadoitGottadoit · 09/01/2018 15:45

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur

Confused so anybody who has a child who finds it difficult being bullied... it’s because they didn’t grow a strong enough human? Seriously?

BadPolicy · 09/01/2018 15:46

I like to think I'm strong and independent, I don't bow to peer pressure. I don't want to be A.S.S.

Jengnr · 09/01/2018 15:47

No way would I do that. I vetoed all A names so our daughter’s initials weren’t ARS.

steff13 · 09/01/2018 15:47

You frequently have to initial legal documents. I can't tell you how many times I had to write my initials when I purchased my house. My employer uses my initials as an identifier, too.

I wouldn't do it, and I think there are a few good alternatives mentioned above; eliminating the middle name, changing it, adding an additional middle name.

Gazelda · 09/01/2018 15:51

Surely it would be very simple to change the middle name?

HermionesRightHook · 09/01/2018 15:52

We use initials at work constantly - rotas, signing things off, logins to various archaic systems. I've always had to use all three because I have a common pairing.

Lucked · 09/01/2018 15:53

At my work we are all rotated by initials, where two people have the same initials a middle initial is added. I would not like to be to be ASS on the rota, so perhaps I would ask for AS2 but it would be better to not have the issue in the first place.

OlennasWimple · 09/01/2018 15:53

Hello OP?

Zapdos · 09/01/2018 15:54

I think it's a total non issue and YANBU. I have two middle names. When I write my initials I just use my first and last initial - not because they spell anything suspicious, just because it's quicker.

minipie · 09/01/2018 15:54

Usually I find these initial concerns a bit tenuous and not a problem.

On this one however I do see the issue with ASS. (The supposed issues with ISS I do find tenuous and not a problem).

I would change the middle name or add a fourth middle name.

Luckingfovely · 09/01/2018 16:01

It is just ghastly and cruel and stupid to saddle a child with those initials. She will hate you for it later on, absolutely hate you. It would be unforgivable. I can't believe you are even asking the question. Just choose names that don't spell ASS, for Christ's sake.

TheCowWentMoo · 09/01/2018 16:02

Either change the middle name or add another one, it's really not worth risking.

Everyone with funny names I've ever known has only really got lightly teased and learnt to deal with it pretty quickly but it's not really worth it is it? Probably she will be okay but maybe not and for the sake of a middle name i wouldn't take the risk

Chowmum · 09/01/2018 16:03

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur

Please, please, please don't assume this.

I come from a family of strong minded individuals (possibly the nicest way of putting it) but I was a very sensitive child who had a horrendous time throughout my childhood.

Please don't put your own wishes about your child's mental well-being.

Whilst it is true that bullies will always find something, there's no point in giving them easy ammunition.

Having said that, congratulations Flowers

NorksAreMessy · 09/01/2018 16:05

Cancel the cheque

Facelikeaslappedarse · 09/01/2018 16:05

My initials spell something similar and no one has ever noticed or commented on it. I’m in my 40,s

lololove · 09/01/2018 16:11

My extremely large chested best friend has the initials SAG which I've only just realised due to this thread heeheehee. Ahem ;) She wasn't teased at school about it though.

I purposely wasn't named Victoria as my mum wanted as my dad refused to have a daughter with the initials VD

PickleFish · 09/01/2018 16:14

initials used a lot in some workplaces as pointed out

quick way of identifying who read a document etc

our email addresses are our initials with a number, always. So she'd be ass41@company.

sports teams use them. banks use them. publications often use them when you are referencing someone. etc.

It does bring up the potential for laughter. Not necessarily teasing, as she might be adult/univeristy age by the time some of these things occur, but even then, I'd not have wanted to be the one who gets laughed at every time. I'd have been embarrassed, however hard my parents had tried to make me 'strong'.

Just give her an extra middle name.

Ohyesiam · 09/01/2018 16:18

I've never used my 3 initials, and just asked my kids who are years 5 and 9, and they have never used their three initials.

I once worked in a hospital trust where the consultants 3 initials were used on patient notes , so it was easy to see whose firm the patient was under.
If your kids ever get to be consultant medics in sure their self esteem could take a little teasingGrin

CardinalCat · 09/01/2018 16:19

I can't believe that this is even an issue and that people wouldn't give their children names based on initials. I am actually amazed, which doesn't happen often. Grin

bluebottlebubble · 09/01/2018 16:26

Better to swap names than have ASS as initials. You child has a whole school career ahead of them. What name you chose will matter less.

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