To be ‘setting up daughter as target for bullying’

[Mumyum1]

So my daughter is 10 days old and the name I have chosen for her would give her the initials A.S.S.

DH is not having it. He wants the ‘A’ changed to ‘i’ so it would be I.S.S. The pronounciation of the first name would be the same but the cultural connotation (for his and my (different) culture) of the A spelling would be lost and that’s really important to me. Our children’s names have always been a lovely bridge between our two cultures. Even his parents who were opposed to our relationship love our children’s names for their meanings and symbolism.

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur however I don’t want to be the ass either, who wants it her way or the high way. Just so hard to be objective when the spelling of the name in my mind carries a lot of weight.

All opinions welcome. (Our previous two took us 6 weeks to agree on everything and both visits to registry office saw us barely speaking to each other. With the second one I felt so sorry for the poor registrar who witnessed our (civilised) disagreement over the spelling of DC2’s name. (I didn’t win). So this agreeing on a name in the first week is pretty awesome).

Add another. Maybe your maiden name, if you changed it. As a teacher I can think of times when the full names will appear, I couldn’t do that.

On bank cards your middle initial is present. So it would say ASS on that. I would change the middle name if possible

I seem to remember threads, where initials are used in some schools for computing. As pps said, change the middle name or add an extra one in.

Give her two middle names then.

well, could you swap them round so it is SAS? at least that is 'strong', and not a version of Bum! I'd avoid ASS to be honest. your child might just get called Bum all the time. Why give them a name that opens them up for ridicule?? Or just don't have a middle name.

Change the middle name or add a second middle name. I think ASS is too tempting and if she's in a class with e.g. Alice Smith or Andrew Scott then she will use her middle initial the whole time, I do for that precise reason. And then it becomes habit and 30 years after leaving school you still do it (we record meeting attendees by initials at work, this is not just a school issue).

I wouldn't use it.

We use initials all the time at work, I'd hate it if mine were ASS. I'd change the middle name.

Add an other middle name :)

Of all the ways to solve this problem, changing the first name is the least obvious.

Think of a name you don’t hate and give it as an additional middle name. Bingo.

I personally would prioritise the first name (seeing as it will be used more often than the middle name or the initials) and choose the spelling I love.

But the initials are indeed unfortunate. Could you give use an other middle name or give her two?

And yes I use my initials all the time at work. Even as a mature grown up I’d be cross if they were ludicrous.

I don't think those initials are great. I use my initials a lot at work like others on the thread. Could you keep the first name and alter the middle name? Or stick in an extra as suggested.

International Space Station? Cool!

I didn't know the middle names of any of the children in my classes at school, except my best friend's. The only time you ever use a middle name is on particularly official forms, like passports and driving licences.

This is why I don't get why parents agonise over what middle name to give their kids, or whether it "goes with" their other names. It just doesn't matter.

And if you change it to I, her initials become IS - Islamic State, or ISS, International Space Station.

Personally, your best bet will be to add another name. But of every child I'v known with an unusual name, or combination of nicknames, it only takes not rising to it, a withering 'like I've not heard that before' and complete boredom about the whole thing to make it go away pretty quickly.

DH vetoed a baby name that began with X as our surname begins with L => XL.

I wouldn't do it.

As an adult nobody knows my middle name except HR and HMRC

I know my school friends middle names though and they knew mine! And piss was taken about anything remotely rhymey with anything rude! We absolutely WOULD have made the connection in school!

Your husband is right to not want the initials to read ASS. Drop, change or add another middle name. It is not difficult.

My birth initials were S.L.A.G.

Don't do it OP. She'll hate you for putting her wants above her future welfare.

The full ASS could be used at nursery/school if there is another hild with initials AS

Yes, I agree, I(S)S is imo currently worse than ASS.

But changing the spelling of the first name is so... well, it’s just not an obvious solution, is it?

Why not change the middle name or add a 3rd?

sorry, another child

There was a name I really wanted for my 3rd DD but my SIL pointed out (I had not noticed myself) that together with our surname it spelt out a word which might mean she got teased. So I chose something else and even now 22 years later I regret not ignoring SIL and going ahead with it! Looking back I really don't think it would have been an issue but at the time I was anxious not to burden her with something that might lead to her growing to hate her name because of other children laughing at her.