To be ‘setting up daughter as target for bullying’

[Mumyum1]

So my daughter is 10 days old and the name I have chosen for her would give her the initials A.S.S.

DH is not having it. He wants the ‘A’ changed to ‘i’ so it would be I.S.S. The pronounciation of the first name would be the same but the cultural connotation (for his and my (different) culture) of the A spelling would be lost and that’s really important to me. Our children’s names have always been a lovely bridge between our two cultures. Even his parents who were opposed to our relationship love our children’s names for their meanings and symbolism.

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur however I don’t want to be the ass either, who wants it her way or the high way. Just so hard to be objective when the spelling of the name in my mind carries a lot of weight.

All opinions welcome. (Our previous two took us 6 weeks to agree on everything and both visits to registry office saw us barely speaking to each other. With the second one I felt so sorry for the poor registrar who witnessed our (civilised) disagreement over the spelling of DC2’s name. (I didn’t win). So this agreeing on a name in the first week is pretty awesome).

So easily resolved by simply adding another name. I wonder why that didn't occur to you...

Just add another name - more the merrier!

Don't worry about it

My daughter and her partner spent hours creating beautiful names for their children so their initials spell out delightful words and can be re-arranged into symbols and designs - this is really important to us and we have items personalised with their symbol or special word - everyone is incredibly impressed when we show them ........ but not a single person has ever noticed their initials form words off their own back. We use these word as nicknames and people use their nicknames but still don't notice it is their initials.

I wouldn’t go with ASS either - adding another middle name is a good idea though, and then you’re not giving up on the name you love.

To those pointing out the ISS / Islamic State problem, that wouldn't in a million years get a child bullied in school, which is surely the only reason to worry about things like this.

ye my children's school asked for sports hoodies with their initials heat transferred on...
you really wouldn't want ASS on your chest would you?

My children never use their middle names, the only time they will need to use them before leaving school will probably be on exam papers. My dc’s have a surname that makes them open to bullying but only a few comments have been made and they are not upset by it. I wouldn’t worry too much about initials.

Definitely just solve it with an extra middle name and ask your DH to pick it (if you want to) in the spirit of compromise - a present just from dad might get a nice way to spin it.

4 names is not too many, it's nicely unusual.

One MNer's DS was teased in school for far less than that. Cue massive bunfight thread on here asking whether IWBU to legally change the boy's name. Just sayin'.

Change the middle name then. You can't call her ASS.

Add on another name!!

Yes, add another middle name! But make sure it doesn't begin with R...

I don’t think she’d be bullied either. But if you were my mum, I wouldn’t thank you for it. I’d know that that’s what initials were, and if I’d known that you’d thought really hard about it, and STILL gone with it, I’d wonder why on earth you did.

What about two middle names?

Can you flip the order, so she's SAS? I know at least two people whose first initial refers to a 'family' name, but they're known by their second name.

Add an extra middle name so it homes something like ASKS

One of my dd's schools has their initials emblazoned on their PE kit. But in that situation, you could put the first and last so AS. I don't think anyone would laugh at that.

I would go for the name you like (A) and either drop or add another middle name.

Don’t do it. Seriously.

Don’t give her a middle name or an extra one. Either is doable isn’t it?

Instead of changing her first name, how about changing her middle name, or adding another?

Don't do it. Really.

We added a third name to DS3 for this reason.

I don't see a problem. She'll hardly ever use all 3. DH has potentially funny initials, and the first person to point it out was me, when he was 22!

Plus I do think that if, god forbid, your child is going to be bullied - rather than joked with or good naturedly teased, which might happen - she will, whether it's for her initials or something else. Bullies choose their victim and then find any reason to bring them down, in my experience.

I can see why you argued all the way to the registrar. Where the other two supposed to be T.O.S.S and W.U.S.S. and your DH prevented it?

Would you really be OK with ASS for your initials OP? I wouldn't.

And ISS with its close similarity to ISIS isn't great either.

None of us can see in the future, but although you may believe you "will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur" you can't be 100% sure what your child will be like.

I think you need to find an alternative second name to replace or add to the one you already have. But not one that begins with R.