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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you would re-marry your DP, knowing now what you didn't back then?

484 replies

constantchange · 09/01/2018 08:27

I thought this would make for an interesting thread.--

If you could go back to the year you married your husband/wife, would you still marry them, knowing everything you do about them now that you didn't back then?

OP posts:
Eltonjohnssyrup · 09/01/2018 12:38

I would have to think very, very hard about marrying a vegetarian because it annoys the hell out of me. But I probably still would.

Blackteadrinker77 · 09/01/2018 12:41

This is such a sad thread to read.

I never imagined so many people were in unhappy marriages.

halfwitpicker · 09/01/2018 12:41

No.

treaclesoda · 09/01/2018 12:43

I would marry my husband again in a heartbeat if it was only him. But if I'd known how interfering his family would be, I'm not sure that I would have gone through with it.

Rylanmakesmyheartsmile · 09/01/2018 12:45

Lovely to read that the majority would still marry now. Sorry to read of those who have had hard times.

One stuck out for me as very sad - @Cuban8 you clearly love your wife very much, and you say she loves you, and your children are happy, yet your marriage is dead and you want to leave. I think that's so very sad that you can still feel like the marriage is dead even when the love is still there. I guess it makes me more aware of the need to put the effort in - always. I guess it shows that love isn't always enough. I'm sorry.

susurration · 09/01/2018 12:45

Yes, i'd be even more sure of marrying him now than I was then.

trevthecat · 09/01/2018 12:50

Yes but would of got in contact with him when I moved back to the area at 21 and not waited till 27!

poisoningpidgeysinthepark · 09/01/2018 12:50

No. I didn’t realise that having adult stepchildren would be this hard.

Stopfeckinexaggerating · 09/01/2018 12:53

No chance.

scaryteacher · 09/01/2018 12:54

Yes. We will have our 32nd anniversary this year, though have been together for longer, and he still makes my world go round, makes me laugh, makes me tea in bed every morning, and understands me like nobody else does.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/01/2018 12:59

1000% yes. Sometimes (when I'm feeling very low or have terrible PMT), I actually have a little weep that there is a 50% chance that I'll be his widow at some point and the thought of that breaks my heart.

My DH is flippin brilliant.

Lovejoyfull · 09/01/2018 13:00

No. He’s a good man in but after 15 years of marriage I know that this is it. Don’t get me wrong we have a good life and want for nothing but the wow has gone. I would want the dc but I suppose what you never had you would not miss iyswim ?

shopaholic85 · 09/01/2018 13:00

Yes, but only because it gave me my beautiful DD, who is the love of my life. Otherwise no. I was too young and realise now that he isn't right for me. I'm hindsight, the warning signs were there, but I was too inexperienced to understand them. It's sad to think that if I had broken up with him before we had gotten married, I may have gone on to meet the right man.

Llangollen · 09/01/2018 13:01

Oh yes, absolutely.
I even wish we could go on our honeymoon again

NotAChristmasCakePop · 09/01/2018 13:01

Yes

dementedma · 09/01/2018 13:02

no.
No marriage, no kids.
I would have a life instead.

Greydog · 09/01/2018 13:02

No - funnily enough I was thinking about this today. This is not the life I thought I'd end up with

Llangollen · 09/01/2018 13:02

Lovejoyfull
are you staying together? It sounds like a sad situation to be in.

PutDownThatLaptop · 09/01/2018 13:03

Yes I would! But first, I'd have a quick word with myself as the bride to be and say "Guess what? Stop worrying. He really does love your children as if they were your own, and when they are adults they will be so close to him."

Bowerbird5 · 09/01/2018 13:04

Only for my beautiful children.
If I had my chance again I wouldn't have my lovely children but for himself no.

Eolian · 09/01/2018 13:05

Definitely. And actually, to reply to the specific point in the OP, I can't think of anything I've found out about him that I didn't know when I married him. He's a very upfront, take-me-as-you-find-me type.

KateGrey · 09/01/2018 13:09

No I don’t think I would. He’s a good bloke but many lazy points. I wish he’d help more with the kids education especially as we have two kids with special needs. Plus all he’s into is sport. We’re both late 30s but too different. We get along okay and I can’t imagine pulling our family apart.

KateGrey · 09/01/2018 13:09

@Lovejoyfull I feel the same.

Raisedbyguineapigs · 09/01/2018 13:09

To be honest, no. But more because knowing what I know now, I'd stay single and maybe had my kids on my own. I like my own company and am not sure whether oven complete freedom from family and societal pressure whether I would have got married at all.

mari652 · 09/01/2018 13:10

No - there were red flags I chose to ignore.

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