To ask if you would re-marry your DP, knowing now what you didn't back then?

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I thought this would make for an interesting thread.--

If you could go back to the year you married your husband/wife, would you still marry them, knowing everything you do about them now that you didn't back then?

I don't think so.

I thought he was great for the long term because he's so gentle and calm and never gets angry and has such tolerance of my moodiness..... but just as there are no downs there are no ups either. No emotional highs, actually no real emotional responses. My friend died a few weeks ago and I had to say 'I'm really upset, can I have a hug' before I got one. If his family are unkind to me (often over the last 10+ years) he brushes it under the carpet. There really isn't anyone truly on my side in my life and in that respect, I made a mistake.

Absolutely not!

I was too young and didn’t know enough about myself and what I wanted from life. I got married because I felt it was what was expected of me rather than thinking about what I really wanted, and ended up settling for someone who has completely different ambitions and expectations from life.

This is an impossible question for those with children.

Not necessarily, you can still have an honest look at your relationship whilst (temporarily) forgetting the kids. Even with kids, I still would! Kids are the ones who make relationships harder anyway, but I still would marry him despite them

Most definitely yes. He was my anchor and my best friend and we loved each other dearly. 26 years with him and nearly 4 without. I miss him so very much.

In a heartbeat. Married 18 years and can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend my life with in good times and bad. Didn’t get married until my 30s so really knew what I wanted. Almost wish I’d met him sooner, but I think it’s the life experience that helped me understand what I was looking for (if that makes sense). I met him on the day of my lovely granny’s funeral which I couldn’t attend for various reasons and I like to think she sent him to me.

In a heartbeat. He's not perfect, neither am I, but we are perfect for each other. We've been together for 25 years and I have never regretted marrying him.

God, no.

Absolutely.

No.
The rest is perfect. Kids and our daily life aside, no. He's the wrong person for me. We're incompatible.

Yes, without a second's hesitation.
If I could magic away his entire family somehow though, I'd definitely do that...

Absolutely.

Yes, I would. But I would have changed some things in a bit earlier, that I thought I couldn't at the time and very nearly broke us 10 years in. But, in hindsight, would have worked out without the shouting and upset.

33 years together in July.

Ok, so removing children from this hypothetical question has actually been quite illuminating. We have been having a really, really tough time for the past two years (married for 20) but something is preventing me from typing "no", so I guess I must believe that my marriage is still worth fighting for.

Nope.

Did posters who replied a firm "no" lived with their DP before getting married? Do people suddenly change once they are married?

Fuck no!

In a heartbeat.

We didn't meet until we were in our 30s and we'd both kissed a lot of frogs along the way, first marriage for both of us though. I have never met anyone quite like him - he's awesome.

Definitely! I'd just enjoy the day more. My bridesmaid said on the way to the church "You're awfully young to be getting married". Planning a vow renewal as coming up to 20 years.

I think it goes without saying that those of us who say no would want to have our children, just without their father.

Yes I would. He drives me round the bend sometimes and there are a few things I would like to change, but he is a good husband, a wonderful father and a hard worker. So I have no real complaints.

All the good fortune I lacked as a child was given to me when I met my husband at 29. He was the first person to ever properly love me and I love everything about him. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about how lucky I am.

I lived with DH before we married. I think I just stuck my head in the sand about very many things.

Yes yes yes, but much sooner.

There has been a few low points where I've thought back to the 'will you marry me' question, but in the end we'll get through it all together. He's totally my lobster;) I would tell people getting married now to talk about things like where you want to live, what expectations are for if you have kids etc first and make sure you're compatible. Oh and Id have had a small wedding and bought property straight away

i dont think these questions can ever really be answered.becasue you wouldn't e the person you are now if events had been different.time,your DP whats happened to you has made you the version of yourself. so even if you wouldn't marry him that would mean every single thing would have changed. from the people you've met,places you've been and how your personality has formed.so how could you ever say an answer.