Women/ girls taking full responsibility children

[thereisalightanditnevergoes]

Just lying here and suddenly feeling very cross so need to vent sorry guys. Wondering if anyone else feels the same.

I got pregnant at 17 with my first child. I finished my first year of college then missed a year to look after the baby until he went to nursery and I then completed my second year of College (sixth form) The father of my child, on the other hand who was the year above me so had finished his college education as our son was born, moved 100 miles away to his first choice uni.

He'd come back every other weekend to "help out" but eventually this got less and less as he met a new bird at uni and sacked me and DC off (until a few years later this all got resolved and he now has a good relationship with DC but that's not the point atm)

My point being how Fucking unfair. I can't believe I didn't make more of a fuss at the time. How dare he move that far away when I had to sacrifice so much and it was simply expected. Surely we should of both took a year out and both looked after the baby for the first year?? I know a few other girls who have had similar situations and I just think it's disgraceful most boys/ men take no responsibility and they aren't expected to. sorry. Rant over. I don't think I'm actually being unreasonable but would like other people's opinions on this.

Until every child is conceived and raised in a test tube and fed from a funnel then women have them. Or not, that's just how it is what's the use in making a fuss about it.?

At least now (in civilised countries) we have the option of an abortion and good contraception.

I know of a 17 old boy who was deliberately seduced by a woman who wanted his child, He was stupid not to use contraception but so was she.

The few divorced women I know are because they took a career hit to greater or lesser extent when had kids and now have kids in week, dad's have EOW. Dad's are flying high, unimpeded careers, new younger girlfriends. My friends run ragged doing all the grunt work, packed lunches, homework, tweenage strops etc etc. All still working but not at the stellar level of their formers spouses, despite being as good as if not better than them.

And some men moan at having to pay maintenance. Laughable.

Motherfiver how else would it work. The man's choice to become a father ends at having sex. Obviously. If they don't want to become fathers then they need to abstain. Would you really have it any other way.

On that basis we should tell women once and for all that contraception can fail so not to have sex unless they want parenthood.

Then withdraw the morning after pill and abortion services, because when it comes to sex, nobody ever acts on impulse and everyone is really sensible and intellectual about it.

It'll work, won't it?

YANBU. Society allows this. The media talks about unplanned pregnancies and teenage pregnancies as thought women get THEMSELVES pregnant, like chickens or dinosaurs on Jurassic Park. It. Sucks. You are not wrong.

On the plus side, you've done an amazing job and have a beautiful son. Even when men do stick around and become loving husbands/dads, mums still tend to do the lion's share of the donkey work (mixes metaphors shamelessly). However, the other side of this particular coin is that women get to spend a lot more time with their babies and form a much closer relationship with them. Which is about the best thing in the world IMO. So it's unfair but also deeply wonderfully unfair in our favour. Hooray!

museum agree.

I have 2 dds aged 17/18 who would terminate an unwanted pregnancy in a heart beat, as would I, my dds have no desire to cut short their lif choices at this age. They are responsibly in their contraception but if an accident occurred then thankfully they have the choice.

I had my eldest Dd at 16 and I raised her alone.
I had the option of having an abortion but I decided I wanted her, her father decided he didn't but unwillingly jumped in and out of the first 8 years of her life because his parents forced him to. He didn't want to be a father, I wish his parents had let him not.
Dd got pregnant at 17 and had an abortion, which I respected and supported her through.
My second oldest is a 14 year old boy, despite being gay if he was to accidently get a girl pregnant in the next few years, I would firstly respect the girls decision to terminate or not but then if she decided to go through with the pregnancy I would support my son in being a father if he wanted but would equally respect and support my son like I did with my daughter to not want to be a parent and to not take on that responsibility.

And no even if a man makes it clear early pregnancy that he doesn't want a baby, he still can't walk away. He is responsible. Let's not pretend that the weight of parenting will be anything like the mothers. Use protection but still remember that having sex may end up with you being a father.

So you would allow your daughter to make the choice to not be ready to be a parent and terminate completely relieving her of the responsibility of a child? But your son would have no say and would be forced to give up his life for a child he didn't want/isn't ready for?

What's the alternative? Do I want a deadbeat father for a son? Grandchildren whose lives I'm not a part of? Certainly not.

@12345OnceCaughtAFish

Under that idea there should be no right for women to have an abortion if they had consensual unprotected heterosexual sex? Because they already made their choice when they had sex?

Either way, married or single, life is not a bed of roses. There are a lot of people who go into parenthood blindly STILL (they moan about their babies on here all the time fgs!).

I've also drummed into my son's head to assume that a girl is not on BC, regardless of what she says.

Mother he would still be rightly financially responsible. Morris that's the point. Once conception has happened women have choices. A man's choice ends at sex. And rightly so.

@Oswin

Why does a women's right to become a mother not end at sex? Why does she get a second chance in having an abortion?

@motherfiver

No, I don't agree with that at all. You can label it a double standard if you like but there you are.

Because it is her body to do as she wishes. Would you rather he be given a say in that.

mother I think you're being deliberately obtuse here. We all see the point you're making, that it's arguably unfair to make a father of an unwilling 17 year old (I agree) - but the alternative is straightforwardly fascist.

It is one of those thing that biology makes imperative and society doesn't see as repugnant enough to act more strongly (yet)!

What could or should have been done then? What does acting more strongly mean? We could, as a society, forced the man to marry her and get a job instead of going to uni. But that is what we used to do and we have moved on from that (luckily). So what do you mean by acting strongly?
Should men be somehow forced into being active fathers? How would that work?

Anyone saying it's tough luck/ your own choice/ etc: have you been in this situation yourselves? Doubt it

I have, in that I got pregnant by an idiot who would never have been any use as a father. So I made my choice as well, and did not have a baby. It's not helpful to pretend we are forced into having children with men who aren't going to be good fathers. They have choices, and so do we.

Asking why does the women make the choice is like asking why don't men risk their health and life to give birth. Biology is the answer to both.

@MuseumOfCurry

But you would want your daughter to terminate? Surely that makes her a 'deadbeat' mother, because she wasn't capable or ready to have a child? And that would mean your potential grandchildren would not be part of your life.
How can you gave one rule for your daughter and another for your son?

Yes I have been in that situation too. I got pregnant by behaving impulsively with a man I barely knew. I had a termination.

The other thing I find hard to swallow is that most people seem to think that looking after children is a 2nd class thing to do, why should that be?
I think it has great if not the greatest value for our society.It's difficult and it's time consuming but we want a stable healthy population, how are we going to get it if we consign parenthood to the rubbish heap?

I also was pregnant as a teenager, i was in line for an abortion, but had a miscarriage instead. I consider myself lucky.

How can you gave one rule for your daughter and another for your son

Biology does that. There ARE different rules, there are different choices, there are different responsibilities. We can't change biology.

monkey

Society used to force girls to either marry the father or give up these baby.

Now society offers free contraception, total privacy for underage girls to access contraceotion and abortion through the school nurse.

Women and girls Have far greater autonomy over their bodies now than ever.

It’s about Time parents stepped up and taught their sons and daughters respect and safe sex and ebdures their sexualit active teenagers are using contraception.

There are posts time and again on here where posters as their child isn’t sexually active or to fine teenagers knowledge is encouraging under aged sex.

It’s up to parents to parent. Teach their girls and their boys that having w baby at 17 isn’t a good choice. It’s a crap choic frankly.

Parents need to teach their girls to reach higher and have aspirations.

It’s not societies fault or teachers or the government it’s parents parenting well that will halt this.