to be annoyed that church is so boring and missing an opportunity to teach something inspiring

[somethingmustchange]

We rarely go except on visits to MIL. Each time the service is read from exactly the same booklet, the sermon teaches nothing and is just boring reciting of the bible, the hymns are dire and sung terribly by everyone including choir. I always leave feeling depressed and cross that the vicar doesn't try to inspire a new generation or give feelings of hope, happiness, community etc. Then the church goers (all 70 plus apart from maybe 2) have coffee and judge other people that are their supposed friends. How are churches supposed to have a future if they carry on like this?

Try a different church. If the congregation are as unvaried as you suggest perhaps the format suits them?

Why don't you suggest Buddy Jesus?

A lot of it comes down to an aging and depleted clergy. There aren’t many younger vicars around that are able to connect with people their own age group or to be as active in the community as they once were.

The church then becomes insular and then evermore depleted.

"We rarely go except on visits to MIL "

Bit of a goady post. I would normally recommend you volunteer to help and submit your ideas, go more frequently, become a part of the church family and change from the inside. Or find another church. But it's clear you probably won't do this.

You cannot judge an entire religion/church on the actions of one congregation.

There are a huge variety of different churches OP with lively music and inspiring teaching.

But presumably your ILs like this particular style? It's not mine and some areas of church are in decline but not others - maybe you need to find somewhere near them that you like the style of?

I think much of the Christian church is like this. Or they try to get modern and it is even more excruciating.

So that particular church doesn't work for you. There are lots of different churches. Ours is nothing like that. We have our fair share of judgemental and unpleasant elderly people but the sermon regularly makes pointed comments about that (water off a duck's back unfortunately) as well as giving something else interesting, inspiring and challenging to think about.

Do you really think that EVERY church is like this?

There is a huge difference between Anglican, Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, United Reformed, Congregational as doctrines and then huge difference between one Baptist church and another. It depends on a wide range of factors such as the where in the country you are, whether it is a village, a small town, a city.

Bizarre thread to start.

My church is ace. It’s huge, around 300 people a week and growing rapidly. Great teaching, great music, great charity locally and globally. I love it so much, even the kids count down the week until Sunday’s.

I went to a school carol service at a church like you describe and, whilst it’s not my cup of tea at all, the people there were lovely and seemed to like it.

Different street kes for different folks I guess. My church is very diverse, it has a huge children’s and teenage group and the age ranges from babies to the very elderly and different cultures and walks of life. It’s really great.

This is nothing like my church. I leave feeling inspired, relaxed and recharged.

I am a Christian, attend a CoE church regularly and help / have helped with our toddler group, Alpha course, pre-school, holiday club and lots of other activities. Our church has over 500 adult members plus over 100 under 11s and nearly that many 11-18s. There are activities for all ages on every day of the week. The services are frequently inspiring (but occasionally not!) We have occasional hymns/organ but most of the music is led by a band. The service uses standard liturgy only for short parts of the communion service. The sermons are bible-based but focussed on how to apply that to every day life and about 15 people (age range 25-75, male and female, ordained and not) preach reasonably regularly so we get a wide range of styles and views.

So my church (and many others) are nothing like what you have described. But you are right that some are exactly like that and I totally agree with you, they don't seem to have a future unless something changes. We had a similar church near ours that was dying on its feet (20 members of congregation, all 70+) and our church basically took it over, with over 50 members of our congregation moving to that church. We initially continued a very traditional service alongside a more lively one but within a year the old members said they much preferred the new style and so it merged, keeping a few more remnants of the old-style than we have at my church. So things can change but only if there's a will to do it.

I challenge you to actually try a couple of other churches and see what church can really be like. Any decent church will have a website so you can get a feel for what they are like before going.

Im a church goer and despair of this sort of thing. The Christian message is inspiring and radical but so few people seem to understand what it truly is about.
That is wholly the Church’s fault. It bores people out their brains or alienates people by pandering to a misogynistic/homophobic minority’s weird obsessions about women clergy, gay marriage etc...
I also feel there is a reluctance to consider that society and working patterns have changed. People can no longer really knock off work at 5pm on the dot and there is homework, sport clubs etc on a Sunday.
If you have only a couple of hours of free time a week - the gym or a social activity is understandably going to win over being stuck in a boring, cold church.
The church needs to evolve to meet people where they are.
The churches that are really popular go to great lengths to cater fpr the young and families. See Soul Survivor in Watford which has a huge congregation. I visited with my baby daughter and was so touched by the small things. These are only tiny things but combined they made my visit much easier and in their own way really symbolised love in the light of the pressures of a modern world.
The fact they helped me find a parking spot, that there was free coffee and tea at hand throughout the service, that there was a crèche.
There was also great (non cringey) music and it seemed incredibly sociable but not happy clappy.
I found the the sermon was a little focused on the individual but with a really inspiring message on the wider world it would be extraordinary.
There is absolutely no reason why the Catholic Church or Methodists or more Anglicans should not be doing this. If they were also able to proclaim Christianity’s radical message of social justice and love I really think it would be unstoppable as a movement..

I'm not even religious but I enjoy going to our local church! It's not the best ever but they do try and the people are lovely. My kids love going! (That's why we go) I don't believe in religion but I believe churches can be an important part of some communities. Yes I'd rather it was all done without religion but it's what achieved that matters and if people are happier and communities closer through the church then fine by me.

Or they try to get modern and it is even more excruciating.

Yes. A recent wedding springs to mind where the minister proceeded to spend a good chunk of his sermon telling us that the church doesn't say no to sex and explaining how the couple would be having sex and the church was OK with that. That knowing each others bodies was an important part of marriage.

I'm not a prude but he went too far with it. No one needs the minister making jokes about the wedding night in front of your parents, your granny and your Aunt Mildred.

Church isn't there to be inspiring. It is there to keep us in line.

I agree with you op. My church has an affluent, elderly congregation. I am neither . Everytime there are a lot more families there, for school type events, the priest uses the homily as an excuse to have a go about non-regular attendance. There are no hymns post vatican 2. Hymns i actually loved from my childhood are played s.l.o.w.l.y. and ruined.

Honestly, as a teacher if i delivered a lesson like that id be classed as Inadequate. They have all the makings of outstanding, with participaton Through readings and offertory, movement, music, etc so why so flat?!

My son does love the sunday school though, which i wont criticise as i dont want to do it but it is too short and he is back in mass after for thirty minutes, bored and restless.

Every week i say he needs a young chaplain to shake it up.

You need this vicar.

“Church isn't about hope, happiness and community. It is about telling you you will go to hell if you don't wholeheartedly swallow what they are telling you.”

No it isn’t
What kind of services have you been to that does that? I admit that I haven’t been to church for ages, but our local C of E church has never preached about hellfire and brimstone. That sort of thing is a typical caricature on films and TV IME. The reality is gentle and uplifting (in a C of E service anyway). I find going to church spiritually soothing, even if I’m not sure about the existence of God (or a god).

Our congregation are supportive and lovely and not in the least bit judgmental. On the odd occasion I do go to church I am made to feel very welcome.

I agree that most congregations are at the older end of the age spectrum. The issue is that older church members dislike change, and any effort to make the service more child friendly means that the older people don’t like it. MIL used to go to church every week, but always avoided the all age services and baptisms. Even SIL (67) dislikes the all age service.

This is really a case of one size definitely does not fit all. The other issue is the way the C of E changes vicars. They have this ridiculous thing called the interregnum period which is an interval between the periods of office of two incumbents in a parish. The congregation loses the continuity of a vicar and either has the curate to take services or a series of “supply vicars”.
A church where a really good vicar has introduced lots of young people to the church tends to lose them if they can’t engage with the temporary vicars. The older members stay, but the younger ones drift away. This happened in our church when our last vicar left, and has happened in MIL’s church as well. In both cases the vicars were young and had young families.

Church isn't there to be inspiring. It is there to keep us in line.

If that’s the case, it’s failing massively. Personally I do go to be inspired, to think and to follow my beliefs. All things it can and does (mostly) exceptionally well.

Yes! I go every Sunday & we have a new priest. The service is over an hour. I have small children who start fidgeting as 45 mins is their max. The hymns are so old fashioned & high pitched only the old ladies in the choir can hit them badly. It’s all very off putting.

So why go three times a week?

Out priest is a very inspiring and kind man. His sermons are intelligent and topical. He will raise issues from current affairs and give a view or a way we should looking at it that really makes you stop and think.

Our church is exceptionally welcoming. They have volunteers at the door whose job is to say hello as you come in. There are collections for charities and homeless initiatives (the crypt of the church is on a rota to act as a homeless shelter in the winter - parishioners volunteer to help out).

The music is varied and there are lots of young families.

It is Catholic however, which I think tends to have more life in it. It may be a different story with Anglican churches, many of which feel like national trust heritage sites to me, not living places of worship.