to be annoyed that church is so boring and missing an opportunity to teach something inspiring

[somethingmustchange]

We rarely go except on visits to MIL. Each time the service is read from exactly the same booklet, the sermon teaches nothing and is just boring reciting of the bible, the hymns are dire and sung terribly by everyone including choir. I always leave feeling depressed and cross that the vicar doesn't try to inspire a new generation or give feelings of hope, happiness, community etc. Then the church goers (all 70 plus apart from maybe 2) have coffee and judge other people that are their supposed friends. How are churches supposed to have a future if they carry on like this?

Ok Golden, but if I recall rightly, you’ve been saying similar for quite some time. If you don’t like it, do something about it.

I've really enjoyed these responses and it's great to hear about churches who are getting it right. Our local church is pretty much as bad as MIL's one now. Even services specifically for children are way off the mark and the vicar has lost their attention after seconds but rambles on completely oblivious. When my dc were very small we had a different vicar who was fab and we did go fairly regularly and helped at various community events, the dc loved him. Unfortunately he left as (rumour has it), elderly members of the congregation did not approve of his style. Now our church is dying and even the church led toddler groups have stopped. I am genuinely sad about this as would love an inspirational place within my community.

Try a different church. They aren't all the same.
Our Rector gives fab sermons about our responsibility to refugees/homeless people/people with mental health problems etc. And encourages up to do something practical about it.
The hymns are boldly sung, the choir do their utmost (I know, I'm in it) and the friendliness to everyone, regular or newcomer or one-offer is palpable.
So YABU.

The Catholic priest who officiated at a wedding I attended obviously thought he was spreading hope and happiness when he started the service by saying 'well we all want to watch the match later so let's get on with it'

And in the past few weeks we have had (aside from the usual Christmas offices) a poetry reading evening (with wine and food) a Mulled Wine Evening, a massive crib service with 30 children acting out the Christmas story, and loads of other stuff. Proceeds to the local homeless charity and women's' refuge.

GoldenWondering why do you go three times a week?

I have been an on off member of our congregation for over 10 years, and I am always made to feel welcome. I always support fund raising stuff and help out by delivering the parish magazine.

There definitely are churches which have become comfortable in how they do things and it can be very insular and uninspiring. There is a church local to me that has children and families attending to get into a CofE primary school. They all stop going as soon as they have got all their DC in because there is nothing to engage them.

On the other hand we have wonderful churches that are full, play different sorts of music, have heaving, active youth groups and children's groups, provide meals for the elderly, Christians Against Poverty financial and debt planning courses, run holiday clubs and so on and, most importantly, are full of people with a faith in the living God. People aren't judged, they are supported.

I am glad so many people find it boring.

I went to Church on Christmas Eve to a children's crib service. I haven't been to church for years but was really impressed with the vicar who was really lively and energetic and they'd tried to make it really interesting.

The carols were disappointingly dirgy though. Not a fan of the organ.

@fluentinirrelevantitalian you’ve given me a good laugh this morning thanks!

My elderly PILs go to church purely for social reasons - yes I asked them as I was curious because there is not the slightest hint of Christianity in anything else they do or say. Perhaps other elderly folks go for the same reason and are not bothered about having a lively sermon etc.

I do agree with the OP.

Our Church in our village is like the OP describes ... in fact I could have written the original post! About 40 fairly regular people go, mostly over 60, (although some weeks there are only 10 people there!)

The same stuff is read out every week, it's almost always a boring service, (only the 'family service' that is done about 8 times a year is ok, and that is the only one I go to now.) I can easily go 2 months without going to Church, and I am sorry to say that I don't care, I don't miss it, and I don't feel bad.

I still have my faith, and I am still a Christian, but Church bores me. A few people are pleasant, but there is a hardcore of judgemental baby boomers who 'rule the roost' and no fucking WAY would they have anything changed. Apart from that, not everyone has the time to go throwing themselves into re-arranging the Church; some of us have jobs!

And yeah, I agree with the poster who says they are 'nice to you,' to try and reel you in. I mean, a few people are genuinely nice, but most of them are just trying to find new recruits to the faith.

As soon as someone new comes in, they pounce on them, and try and get them onto the tea rota, or the cleaning or flower-arranging rota, or on a 'speakers course,' or involved in the Sunday school, or House Group or the Oasis Group (a bunch of women meeting every second Wednesday to talk about Jesus, over a cup of tea!)

And these groups are all full of these boring, judgemental, pious, bigoted baby boomers who sit there bragging about their trip to New Zealand, their villa in Portugal, and their son's £100k a year job in London.

You absolutely can NOT just go to Church occasionally and pray or worship; you MUST join in with everything, or you are looked down on.

Thing is, with me, it's the only Church for 10 miles, and the next 2 or 3 Churches (10 to 20 miles away,) are the same. Every one I have been to - ever - is the same, even though people always come out with this 'not ALL Churches are like this, so just find a new Church!' line.

Many of them ARE like this actually. And yeah, the OP has a valid point.

Suffice to say, I rarely go now, as I get bored with the boring service, and the hymns I have never heard of being sung badly, and the tittle tattling women bitching and trying to out-do each other, and ranting and griping about someone who is only at Church this week because they want to get married there.

Sad really because I do still have my faith, but I really can take or leave Church now.

My relatives go to a church and its always packed, usually a rock style band, lots of clapping and dancing, children encouraged

I have only been once but everyone looked to be having a lovely time

(But it went on for bloody hours!!)

Our place would not countenance supporting a women's refuge. The women could be divorced or single mothers. And being beaten half to death is not a good reason to leave a marriage, according to my church. A Godly wife should just pray about it

I’ve been attended church for over 20 years and have never, ever heard anyone spout rubbish like the above ^

You know that Jesus was revolutionary in his approach to women and treating them as equals? In a time when only men were permitted to sit at the feet of a rabbi, he taught with women sat there while men had to take a less prestigious place to sit. There’s a great book called Jesus Feminist written by a Christian feminist.

"Our place would not countenance supporting a women's refuge"

What denomination is this Golden? That is not a very Christian attitude . The Mother's Union at our last church (C of E) supports the local women's refuge. They also visited prisons to provide free childcare while their mothers visited their partners. Our ( C of E) church supports drugs projects, provides all the gifts from harvest festival to Shelter, has messy church for the youngsters, a youth club, allows the church to be used in the local community for other activities etc.

Oh, and we have a woman vicar who is lovely.

Our church frequently has collections for baby items for Women's Aid. To the poster who said their church wouldn't support a women's shelter - I can assure you most churches are not like that.

Many, many food banks operate out of churches and are staffed by church-goers.

Don't be so judgemental yourself OP. Churches in this country still do a huge amount for the needy.

"To the poster who said their church wouldn't support a women's shelter - I can assure you most churches are not like that."

I agree. I feel sad for her that she has to go to such a church three times a week - the product of an abusive relationship perhaps?

Catering to their audience

Our church frequently has collections for baby items for Women's Aid

So does mine.

In fact I heard of one recently that is in the process of building a residential centre for young mothers. Wonderful people.

Church isn't about hope, happiness and community. It is about telling you you will go to hell if you don't wholeheartedly swallow what they are telling you.

What a load of bollocks!!

OP, try a different church. We have several in our town and they're all very different with differeny ministers, different 'feels' and very different services. Find out what is right for you.

On Christmas day we went to a Baptist church with a young, forward-thinking minister. Very informal service with fabulous, heartfelt sinigng. Church was packed with families. Over Christmas we also went to a very 'high church' Church of England candelit carol service. Also wonderful in its own way, but very different.

Almost every church service I've been in the last 40 years has been like this OP and I've been to a fair few. You do find the odd charasmatic vicar, or thoughtful, inspiring sermon but really very few. Mostly it seems to be about grovelling before God proclaiming your total unworthness and his great magnificance. But yes, churches do do a lot of good work in the community.

Churches, like school, and like people vary so much. Some are excellent, some are good, some require improvement, and some are dire.

Frankly i dont know why any woman would want to go to an openly misogynistic place such as a church