Horrible argument, am I being childish or is this something to be concerned about?

[Mulch]

Sorry this may be long winded. Agreed with oh that I will go gym in morning, he'll drop lo off at nursery. Wanted me to get him dressed and ready, got all his stuff out night before. I don't drive he does, its 5mins in car for him 1.5hr for me to drop off and get to work.

Sooo I go gym, him and baby are both asleep. Other half is self employed so comes and goes as he pleases. Night before said he wants to be gone for 7:30. As they're both asleep at 6:50 I just leave. At gym get an angry phone call saying he's leaving soon as I get in, very angry I didn't get him ready.

In the evening I'll be spending 1.5 picking him up and doing his bath, also all the household stuff and my uni work.

He's really angry, I got back just before 8 from gym so would literally not have time to get baby to nursery and work whereas is takes him 5mins. The amount of time he spend arguing on phone he could have got him ready, its just a matter of getting him dressed and in car. This is the only child care he's doing today.

My reaction probably wasn't ideal. I stood in front of door to stop him going, he tries to push me out way. He then says ok get him ready and I'll take him but jumps in car to leave....I then sit in passenger seat and he drives off while we argue leaving baby alone in the house with the door open.

I'm crying telling him his reaction isn't normal, he went round the block but it was scary thinking what could have happened. I know I shouldn't have jumped in car with him but I was really mad that it was all being left to me and I'll never make it to work on time whereas it takes him 5mins and that's the only child related care he's doing that day

I think his realised he was behaving ott so then sat and waited while I got baby ready. It was a horrible argument.

I didn't get up late, my work is 15mins away so had plenty of time to go gym and get work but not go nursery, you said most of this earlier. Anything helpful to contribute Elton?

He's not planning on being here to help every other day as his dad's going away and he wants to keep his mum company. There have been times when he helped more but nowadays it's all a battle

If you knew he wanted to be away by 7:30, why not wake him at 6:50 when you left

Because an adult is perfectly capable of getting themselves up, and presumably getting their own child ready without a woman doing it all?

OP your reaction wasn’t good, but you know that. He’s a cunt. What kind of man can’t even get his own child ready in the morning without a massive strop?

OP, stop using the word "help" when referring to a father looking after his child.

There have been times when he helped more but nowadays it's all a battle

A father doesn’t “help” the mother, with childcare/housework/whatever. It’s both of your responsibility, not yours alone. If my DP suggested he “help” with the children I’d be really pissed off. We both share responsibility.

Love the emotive phrasing of "sneaking out." Where does that come from? She was ready to go so she left, assuming her 'd'p could cope.

I don't think that you did anything wrong, Op.

I'm sure I would have been annoyed to have to do something when I was expecting to do nothing in terms of baby, but change/dress, it's really no big deal.

I am interested in why you didn't wake him though.

Parenting is not “helping”: it’s equally the man’s responsibility.

Both of you ABU. Poor kid stuck in the middle of two parents arguing over who is going to look after him. I hope he isn't old enough to understand.

@FitBitFanClub exactly! Ditto “swanning off” to the gym. Good grief, there are actually people defending a man who stropped because his partner didn’t wake him, or dress their child in the morning. Fuck that.

So, when he's at yours, he has to be negotiated into doing stuff for his child, and when he's at his mum's? I'm going to take a wild shot in the dark that he lets her do everything and is there in name only to scare burglars away as only a Manly Man can do. So, how much "adulting" does he actually do, unasked?

Poor kid stuck in the middle of two parents arguing over who is going to look after him.

Well, yes. But that means in this case that the OP has to just accept that she's responsible for everything because he will play harder ball in shirking his responsibilities. As in houses all over the country.

I can’t get past the fact that the pair of you left your DS home alone with the door wide open!!!

Reckless, irresponsible and utterly stupid.

The pair of you want your heads banging together!

Yes, well that's really helpful advice, mulberry.

why are you with him, at best its a toxic relationship

"He's not planning on being here to help every other day as his dad's going away and he wants to keep his mum company."

I think it's very clear where this man's priorities lie. And it's not with you and his child

Op I was with a man like this and it was the most miserable few years of my life. It took me years to leave. I had no self confidence and had put up with it for so long it just seemed normal to me. I thought life would be harder without him. I didn't want him to be alone.
Honestly, leaving him was the best thing I ever did.
It's strange because so much of your story is the same as mine. I was at uni too and we lived separately. He also saw it as 'helping me out' if he did any childcare. He was also a total immature child.
I'm married to a normal man now and we work as a team to arrange childcare / gym or whatever. We are equals and have equal say in what goes on in the day to day running of our lives. What you're living through isn't normal.
And I really can't believe the people on here who think the oh was in the right!! Because she didn't wake him?? Surely he has an alarm? He's a man, not a child. Even my teen dd wakes up by herself. Sometimes her plans change so I wouldn't presume to wake her if she was asleep when I thought she'd be up. This is victim blaming rubbish.
Don't be too harsh on yourself op, you didn't know he was going to drive off. He is a massive dickhead.

I can’t get past the fact that the pair of you left your DS home alone with the door wide open!!!

His father left him at home with the door open. It wasn't her decision to drive off. Was she supposed to open the door of a moving car and throw herself out? She's her child's primary carer, risking getting hit by a car or injuring herself wouldn't have been smart.

I'd love to see what mn would say if she had jumped out. Or maybe reached over and grabbed the wheel? What exactly is the correct way to behave when someone drives off with you in the car, against your will?
Dial 111 and get it logged, maybe? (OTT of course, but at what point does driving off against someone's will become kidnapping?)

I don’t understand why you want to be with him in a relationship? He doesn’t live there and apparently doesn’t do much when he is? Why not just split up? The whole thing sounds so toxic and mean-spirited. There’s no teamwork or mutual caring of each other at all, by the sounds of it. If you can drive then why can’t you drive his car? He sounds like a controlling loser.

She shouldn't have got in the car in the first place. She knew her OH was leaving. Yy that made him a selfish arse but OP has been in a relationship with him. She knows what he's like. She ignored their history to assume he would react in a reasonable way. Instead he acted according to type.
And I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but their DC was left alone and that will happen again unless one of their parents decides to grow up. That means taking a long hard look at the relationship not using rose-coloured glasses to assume her DP will respond how she wants him to.

I'm not sure whether 111 would be ott!

Why doesn't he live with you? Is it financially easier for him? Sorry if I missed this.

It's a good thing any way as I mentioned above.

All of these posters putting the blame for his inadequacy and dickhead behaviour back on to OP ought to be ashamed of themselves.

How many of those criticising the OP for not dressing the baby would think it OK to phone their dp when they'd "sneaked off" to the gym and demand that they come home straightaway to do it, and then sit by and wait for it to happen? And how many blokes would obligingly scurry back and also apologise?

I don't normally generalise by gender in this way, but I despair of all the people on here who think it's the OP's lot in life to just suck this up.

What Fraying said!