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AIBU?

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Original poster

Horrible argument, am I being childish or is this something to be concerned about?

309 replies

Mulch · 08/01/2018 08:27

Sorry this may be long winded. Agreed with oh that I will go gym in morning, he'll drop lo off at nursery. Wanted me to get him dressed and ready, got all his stuff out night before. I don't drive he does, its 5mins in car for him 1.5hr for me to drop off and get to work.

Sooo I go gym, him and baby are both asleep. Other half is self employed so comes and goes as he pleases. Night before said he wants to be gone for 7:30. As they're both asleep at 6:50 I just leave. At gym get an angry phone call saying he's leaving soon as I get in, very angry I didn't get him ready.

In the evening I'll be spending 1.5 picking him up and doing his bath, also all the household stuff and my uni work.

He's really angry, I got back just before 8 from gym so would literally not have time to get baby to nursery and work whereas is takes him 5mins. The amount of time he spend arguing on phone he could have got him ready, its just a matter of getting him dressed and in car. This is the only child care he's doing today.

My reaction probably wasn't ideal. I stood in front of door to stop him going, he tries to push me out way. He then says ok get him ready and I'll take him but jumps in car to leave....I then sit in passenger seat and he drives off while we argue leaving baby alone in the house with the door open.

I'm crying telling him his reaction isn't normal, he went round the block but it was scary thinking what could have happened. I know I shouldn't have jumped in car with him but I was really mad that it was all being left to me and I'll never make it to work on time whereas it takes him 5mins and that's the only child related care he's doing that day

I think his realised he was behaving ott so then sat and waited while I got baby ready. It was a horrible argument.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 08/01/2018 20:49

They both do parent though

Have you read any of this thread? Do they fuck, she does it all, on his terms at that.

QueenUnicorn · 08/01/2018 20:50

You had the baby's clothes ready, bags packed, and the baby has breakfast at nursery. So all your partner needed to do was dress the baby? I'd be really annoyed too if someone rang me to argue about dressing a child, takes 2 minutes.

FitBitFanClub · 08/01/2018 20:53

If he really was a committed co-parent, he'd have said last night, "yeah, you go to the gym. I'll sort ds out, no worries." And packed the bloody bag properly too.

LadyBunnysWig · 08/01/2018 20:57

People are justifying him being annoyed. No one has condoned his actions.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 08/01/2018 20:58

You both sound like you need to grow up!
He isn’t ‘helping you’ with the baby. He is a dad for god sake. Can he really not change a nappy and put some clothes on his 1yo?

Also, leaving the baby in a house with the door open whilst you argue in a moving car (wtf) was really stupid. You two sound toxic together. Why do you need to negotiate things for your child with this person who I’m assuming you are in a relationship with (as he stayed over).

Original poster
Mulch · 08/01/2018 20:59

I know they can't carry on like they have been, we've argued many times over child care but not like this. I'd like to salvage something of the situation but I can't see him ever agreeing to counselling. It'll be the same pattern of completly ignoring me until I contact him with an apology.

OP posts:
Nctothisfornow · 08/01/2018 21:04

It doesnt matter who does the majority of the childcare.
In this situation they both fucked up massively which resulted in their baby being left unattended.
It doesnt matter what he said or she said. The outcome of it all shows a massive, massive issue where the child is concerned.
Two adults, failed to behave responsibly over a pathetic reason (on both parts). She didnt do as she said, he acted like a child and refused to do a simple task. Both pathetic things. If she holds resentment then she needs to speak up, if he fails to take heed then she needs to go solo.

LouHotel · 08/01/2018 21:04

Fuck me i feel ive been transported back to the 60's

Its not OP's responsibility to be her DH's alarm clock. Presumably he had an alarm set for work like a big boy and its perfectly possible to change a nappy and put baby in new clothes in less than 10 mins.

Calling OP at the gym to come home was a massive overreaction - fine he woke up grumpy and annoyed but he could have got the baby to nursery in the time it took op to get home.

Op getting in the car whilst the front door open wasnt good but DH DROVE OFF!!!!

butterfly56 · 08/01/2018 21:06

Trying to communicate on an adult level with an abusive person is a complete waste of your time and energy OP.

He is not a responsible adult, he is a selfish, abusive p.o.s!
He prioritises his mother over his own baby...you cannot rely on this man for anything.

You have to realise that you are in an abusive relationship and the longer you stay the worse it will get!

Such high levels of stress and walking on eggshells, not knowing where you stand with someone is the worst feeling ever.

Believe me you will be better off walking to nursery and then to and from work every day and living on your own and closing your own front door. You will soon lose the weight!

People like him will not or cannot change and it won't be long before the abuse escalates.

I hope you have the courage to get out of the relationship before you hit rock bottom Flowers

MadMags · 08/01/2018 21:07

Did you actually tell him to stop the car, OP or did you continue the argument? Because it's not clear to me.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 08/01/2018 21:07

I'd like to salvage something of the situation

How about you ‘salvage’ a better home life for your child rather than being sucked back into this train wreck of a relationship?

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 08/01/2018 21:07

MadMags I’m wondering how far the car got before they realised the baby was at home

LouHotel · 08/01/2018 21:13

Has no one in this thread ever popped out to put the washing on the line or put the wheelie bin out? Thats akin to what the OP did.

And to posters saying she should have jumped out of a moving car? How exactly would of it have helped the baby with one parent having driven off and the other laying the middle of the road injured?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/01/2018 21:14

Rosie why is it the OP's responsibility to wake her DP up and get her DS ready?

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 08/01/2018 21:16

She did what she did PRECISELY because she knew that him driving away in those circumstances was unthinkable and didn't think he would do it in a million years.

What utter bollocks. The OP admits that she was so angry in the heat of the row that she jumped in to continue the argument. Fucking shit from both of them. You don't jump in the car to argue because YOUR BABY IS IN THE HOUSE ALONE. Prioritise your child, not the fuckwit loser you're inexplicably with.

My BIL and his girlfriend did exactly this with their child once. The neighbours saw it, called the police, and SS were in their lives for quite some time.

Original poster
Mulch · 08/01/2018 21:19

We both knew he was alone nobody else was In. When I say salvage I mean something good has to come of this grim situation. Not necessarily relationship related.

OP posts:
Nctothisfornow · 08/01/2018 21:24

Well mulch i know you see the seriousness of the situation. You can only hope your dp does too.
Communication between the pair of you needs to be put in place. You cant go on feeling resentment and expecting him to do things by reading your mind,and he cant expect to need to be told what to do.

Hopefully this can be used as a shocking eye opener for both of you to move forward in the right direction together

Notreallyarsed · 08/01/2018 21:30

@Nctothisfornow why on Earth are you telling a woman who is bullied, belittled and treated like shit by an overgrown man child who is apparently incapable of getting himself and his own child ready in the morning and doesn’t bother to parent in any meaningful way that they need to move in any direction together?

OP please don’t take any of this on board, he’s an arsehole, you’re being gaslighted by MN posters, he’s a waste man.

LilQueenie · 08/01/2018 21:31

how old are you both? I don't particularly care who is right and wrong. I care that a baby was left on their own. If anyone saw that SS would be at your door.

FitBitFanClub · 08/01/2018 21:34

OP, look, you've said this will follow an established pattern from now on, whereby he ignores you until you apologise and then you stumble on as if nothing has happened.

If you want that to change, you're going to have to contact him, ask to meet up (try and get a babysitter, perhaps) and have a serious conversation, not just blame-apportioning with what happened here, but what is really going on between the two of you and what you'd like to see change. If he can't or won't cooperate with that, then I suppose you have your answer.

Notreallyarsed · 08/01/2018 21:35

If you want that to change, you're going to have to contact him, ask to meet up (try and get a babysitter, perhaps) and have a serious conversation, not just blame-apportioning with what happened here, but what is really going on between the two of you and what you'd like to see change. If he can't or won't cooperate with that, then I suppose you have your answer

Fantastic advice. Thank fuck.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 08/01/2018 21:36

He's a wanker. There are no excuses. I wouldn't leave him in charge of a baby. Find someone better.

LadyBunnysWig · 08/01/2018 21:52

Has no one in this thread ever popped out to put the washing on the line or put the wheelie bin out? Thats akin to what the OP did.

No it's not. She left her Baby alone in the house while she followed her partner to his car and climbed in to continue arguing knowing he was preparing to drive off. She didn't get out when he started up the engine. A part of her would have guessed the car would begin to drive off. She remained in the car and was driven around the block. For all she knew he was going to drive to work while her baby was unattended.
I assume when you pop out to the bin it washing line, you know check Baby is safe first, you are as quick as possible and you know got a fact you are coming back,

ginandnappies · 08/01/2018 21:52

Perfectly it's not her responsibility, but if she said she would and didn't knowing it would make him late then that's slightly different.

LadyBunnysWig · 08/01/2018 21:55

And to posters saying she should have jumped out of a moving car? How exactly would of it have helped the baby with one parent having driven off and the other laying the middle of the road injured?

Assuming the car door was open, by the time he turned on the engine, put the car into first and released the handbrake, she easily could have got out of the car. Even if it had of started to move it barely would have moved an inch or two before she was out. Hardly leaping out of a vehicle speeding down the motorway

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