To not take a test

[ThinkingQueSeraSera]

I'm in a strange situation (NC'd for obvious reasons but member since 2009). This will be long, sorry.

I think I'm pregnant. Sore boobs, indigestion (not sure if a symptom but never had before), period is about ten days late.

I know who the father is/could be. He's an on/off boyfriend who I have a great relationship/friendship with overall but am not sure I want to be with. He loves me, he's intelligent, kind, solvent, reliable but I'm too independent/happy on my own to put up with his faults day to day anymore so we are in a state of benign limbo.

I am in a good position to support myself if I am. Good job (although starting new one so will be in the shit maternity pay wise) earning £65k, I own my own flat in central London with a close and supportive friend renting my spare room who basically pays the mortgage. I'm 29, not much family but the few I have are supportive, I have wonderful friends although none have kids yet.

All in all I'm very fortunate. I wouldn't consider an abortion, I had one before and while I'm pro-choice another wouldn't be right for me. So, if I am, it'll be fine. I wanted to be married or at least in a stable relationship but life doesn't always work like that and I'm luckier than many people who have a child and are brilliant single parents.

Here's the AIBU. I'm not going to take a test. I don't want to know yet. I don't drink, I've cut out coffee, I'm avoiding shellfish. I just don't want to know yet. What will be will be. If it's apparent I am in about 6/7 weeks' time I'll bite the bullet but for now I have lots on, a holiday coming up (nowhere dangerous), I live a healthy life anyway and there's no question of a termination.

AIBU to just let it slide for a while and not find out until I really have to? Please be gentle, I'm understandably a little fragile

Can't see any issue. You might want to grab a pot of folic acid suppliments though. That really needs to be taken in first 12 weeks!

But you will still spend the next few weeks wondering anyway so surely better to test and know then not test and have the doubt hanging over you?

Well nobody has to take a test but most women want/need to know, if you're happy waiting then I don't see the problem. Maybe start on folic acid?

Take folic acid .

Absolutely fine. I didn't even find out until I was 16 weeks! Seems like you've got your head screwed on. Good luck either way

Some tests are carried out at 10-12 weeks. And appointments arent always straight away. I wouldnt want to miss screening.

Take folic acid.

You'd be better knowing soon tbh. In my area you get your first midwife appointment at 8 weeks then scan at 12 weeks. You might miss your scan and they do important tests at your 12 week scan that need to be done before you're 14 weeks (if memory serves)

I wouldnt want to risk missing out on screening that happens around 10-12 weeks. Sometimes these services have waiting lists

Oops i thought my post had vanished. Apparently not.

I agree, don’t test if you don’t want to (although I’m unclear why you wouldn’t - if you’re already 4 weeks and you’re not going to test for 6/7 weeks you’ll miss the boat for 12 week scans and antenatal testing) but do start taking folic acid.

I think it's totally fine to do this for a little while if you want to, but you usually have a booking in appointment with the midwife at about 8 weeks and obvs a scan at 12 weeks so don't leave it too long. Some folic acid fit now should see you right. Good luck

You'd be approx 5/6 weeks pregnant just now depending on your cycle. If you're going to have any testing or dating scan you really can't leave it another 6/7 weeks

If you have a little baby growing inside you I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to know?

I mean even if you bury your head in the sand for a few weeks and don’t take a test you are still going to be wondering a lot of the time, so surely it’s best to just take the test and know one way or the other?

Maybe I'll test in four weeks then. All healthcare private so doubt waiting lists are too much of an issue - or is that not the case with maternity?

To questions of why wouldn't I want to know? I'm really laissez faire with everything to be honest. I am quite ambivalent to the result - if I am, great, if I'm not, slightly better. As my username says que sera sera. Thanks for kind wishes.

Please take folic acid straight away. It's so important.

As others have said, there may be problems getting important scans and other tests (should you want to have them) if you leave things too long.

There's certain tests that must be done early on if you want to screen for things like Down syndrome.

Check your health insurance, a lot of policies don't include maternity services.

I guess I'm not fussed either way and don't want to deal with it just yet. It's bloody scary and the end result is the same. I'll get some folic acid in, just in case.

If private healthcare is through work, you need to double check that maternity is covered. It wasn’t with mine and I believe isn’t usually covered.

Otherwise yanbu! Get some folic acid though. Good luck either way .

Also you might want to read up on the food restrictions: shellfish is fine actually other than oysters but there are other things you need to avoid and might not know about.

Please take folic acid. I know people who have lost babies in the first trimester because their bodies were low on folic acid and the baby couldn't develop properly. It's water soluable so you can't overdose on it - if it turns out you're not pregnant and you have too much folic acid in your system you will simply wee it out.

Private healthcare or not you can't have the 12 week scan after something like 14 or 15 weeks, and it is that scan which tells you when you are due to give birth. You'll be making your doctors' job harder if you miss this.

Folic acid will be procured first thing tomorrow morning. I've just read up on it and yeah, I can see the importance.

Thanks all. I'll come back with an update some day!

What are the benefits of sticking your head in the sand for a couple of months? Very odd.

Oh YY @rayna.

I meant to say that too. I’m pregnant just now and atm (changed since last time I was pregnant, 3 years ago), I think it’s pate and mould ripened soft cheeses you need to avoid completely.

One of things you get at your first midwife appt is a form to fill in to get a card which gives you free prescriptions and free nhs dental care throughout your pregnancy and until your child is one. With all my pregnancies i've had dental problems v early on - with one of them I had problems before my card arrived in the post and was simply lucky enough to have a dentist who believed me and treated me for free anyway. The later you have your first midwife appt the later you'll get access to this kind of thing.

If you've got a holiday booked you need specialist travel insurance in case you suffer pregnancy related illnesses whilst you're away. Standard policies won't cover you.

I think the OP wants the ultimate decision to keep the baby to be out of their hands, hence waiting to test until it’s ‘too late’.